ClydeA,
I'm sorry I didn't get back to you. Anyhow, you were asking how my H discovered my A.<p>It was really very simple. I left some information in my purse from when I traveled to another state to see former OM. It was the night after I got home and H was balancing the checkbook. (He has always been welcome to go through my purse to look for any check card receipts that need to be entered in the checkbook.) It was late at night and I was sleeping on the couch. <p>He found information that lead him to my hotmail account that I used to email former OM. He then changed my password and found a couple of emails that were sent between OM and myself. <p>I woke up to him storming through the family room in a rage. It was the worst night of my life and I will never forget it. Thank God I woke up, because he said he would have been gone had I not. <p>That night, I sent a VERY short email to OM and told him that we would no longer be in contact and that my H knew about the affair. I did this in front of my H. And since then (it will be 7 months of NO contact tomorrow) we have recovered by leaps and bounds.<p>One more thing I would like to add. I wanted my H to know about the affair. I think in a subconscious way I left evidence out in plain sight for H to find. I know I was a coward to do it this way. But what matters is that H and I both understand what I did and why I did it. And we are very happy today. <p>I am extemely lucky to have such a wonderful understanding H. I thank God for him everyday.<p>I hope I answered you question.
1step

1Step:<p>Thanks for answering my question.<p>What were the circumstances that led you to have an A? <p>Was it an EA or a PA? How intense was it and how long did it last?<p>What did it consist of?<p>You said that, in a way, you wanted your H to know. Why do you say that?<p>I have basically recovered from my W's EA and understood a lot about it through a discourse with Clouds who has helped me considerably.<p>Clyde

Hi Clyde,
I just saw your post on the other thread and thought I would answer now. <p>What were the circumstances that led you to have an A? <p>I am just learning the circumstances. I was contacted by an old HS BF at a time in my life when I was going through a lot of changes. The main one being that my last child had just graduated HS and had moved out of the house to go to college. I'm pretty sure I was going through "empty nest" syndrome. <p>I had lost my focus in my life, and that was being a mother. All of the sudden I was alone. I had also shut myself down sexually for most of my married life because of a wierd idea I had in my head that mothers do not have sex or romance in their life. So all of the sudden the role of being a mother who was a saint was gone. I did not realize how it impacted me until I was contacted by this man. It took me back to a time when I was young and very unhibited (sp?). My H at the time was also very busy with our family business, so I had a lot of time to devote to rekindling old feelings for the OM. No excuse I know. But I believe this is what lead me to having an A. <p>Was it an EA or a PA? How intense was it and how long did it last?<p>It was for the most part an EA. The OM and I lived over 1000 miles apart so we could only email and talk on the phone. I planned a trip to go and see him in Sept. and that is when it became a PA. One time only but it was enough to totally cause me to hit rock bottom.<p>It was very intense. It was very easy for me to rekindle old feelings that I used to have for him. It was an ego boost for me also since he is the one who broke up with me several years ago. I felt vindicated somehow.<p>It lasted for 6 months.<p>What did it consist of?<p>I think I already answered this question above. But if not maybe rephrase it and I can answer it better for you. <p>You said that, in a way, you wanted your H to know. Why do you say that?<p>I really DID want him to know. I did NOT want to be involved in the relationship with the OM. I knew it was wrong, I knew it was pointless, and I hated lying. I was miserable. I know it sounds like a cop out. After all it was my choice. But the only thing that I can compare it to is being an alcholholic or a drug abuser. You survive from one fix to the next. I loved my H, I know that is hard to believe. And he has always been the one I could go to when I had a problem. I did not see how I could come to him with this. <p>This was, of course, before I knew about MB. I honestly thought I would have to suffer with this for the rest of my life. I hated what I was doing. And I needed help. <p>Anyhow, I hope this helps. Like I said I am just learning myself. So I am constantly gaining insight. <p>Feel free to ask me anything you want. I helps me as much as I hope it helps you.
1step

1Step:<p>Thanks.<p>Posts by Clouds re her EA may help you understand.<p>Also, you may search my posts by clicking on the sunglasses. I had lengthy discussions with Clouds in two posts titled: "For ClydeA &#8212; About EAs" and "ClydeA &#8212; About Your Update".<p>You might find something of interest in them.<p>Clyde

1Step:<p>How did you H react to the news that you had a PA with OM?<p>Clyde

Hi Clyde,
Well, I did read some of those posts. Although, I didn't have time to read them in depth. So much for me to learn...<p>How are you doing these days? Is your W still involved in an EA?<p>My EA was not like that of Clouds or your W. Mine was more of a longing for things in the past. OM and I did not have long conversations with each other. Although we did talk on the phone from time to time and talk mostly about old times and people we used to know. Sometimes it would cross over into personal matters. But not very often. <p>I guess you could say my EA was more of a continuation of what we had in the past. And maybe a realization of buried feelings that we still had for each other. <p>In answer to your question about how my H reacted to my admission to a PA. <p>First off upon his discovery of my A, I did tell him that we had hugged and kissed. But that is all I would admit to him. The reason being because he told me that he would leave me if there was any further intimate contact. I was scared so I did not reveal anything else to him at that point. <p>But it was eating me alive. He was being very forgiving but I could not believe I was totally forgiven until I had totally "come clean". That is when I first signed on to MB. I needed a push to do it. Once I received a few reply's from my post I sat H down and told him everything. That was about 2 weeks after the initial d-day. <p>H's reaction was not one of surprise. He sort of expected it. He is a very calm man. Once I got it out, (which was one of the hardest things I ever had to do)we talked. I don't think that it was as hard to take as it was for him to know that we had told each other that we loved each other. The next morning when we got up, he had a little bit of a reaction to it, and told me to leave him alone. Other than that, he respected me for telling him and believe it or not, it was a big issue for us as far as rebuilding trust. <p>Can I ask you a question? Are you concerned that your W might be having a PA herself? From what I read in your other posts she is involved in an EA. <p>Hope this helps. Feel free to ask me anything you like. Have a good weekend!
1step

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by 1stepatatime:
<strong>How are you doing these days? Is your W still involved in an EA?<p>Can I ask you a question? Are you concerned that your W might be having a PA herself? From what I read in your other posts she is involved in an EA. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>1Step:<p>We are doing OK these days. After a post from Clouds, I understood better how WSs feel and believed Clouds' suggestions to be my W's problem. I was able to let it go then.<p>I never thought that my W was having a PA, so that part of it did not worry me. However, her torrid EA was cause for concern.<p>I have since ensured that all personal contact cease and the speak to each other by phone only on a limited basis.<p>I had spoken with OM and found out a lot of things my W never told me. OM has promised me he will do nothing to jeopardize he M as he holds her in high regard.<p>Clyde