I am moving this post from the Issues section under Other Questions in hopes to hear more responses. I am struggling with what I feel is or could be a serious stumbling block in our recovery.<p>We finally, after almost 5 months of struggling with joint agreement have set up an appointment with a MB Counselor to work on yrs of unfufilled EN for us both which help set the conditions for my H to have given up on us, and turned to 15yrs of As.<p>An email response that Jennifer would be available on given dates was received. My H had read SAA and was familiar with her name from that book. I expressed slightly to my husband, at the time of the email, my disappointment that it would not be with Steve. I mentioned I was a little uncomfortable with dealing with a woman counselor, even though I was hopeful with the MB program. I explained since I have become aware of his As his blatant behavior, mannerisms, attitude, body language etc. towards woman only has made it even more painful for me to witness. This behavior is a more recent development.

Although I was pleased with the direction of our first appointment, I was having a difficult time dealing with my resentment towrds the women my husband treats soooo friendly. I guess I'd hoped for a little more professional/serious approach on his part during our counseling.<p>I found our first conference to be a painful, a hurtful reminder of his past behavior which I attribute to the availability of his choices for infidelities. <p>The question is:
Should I just be so thankful he is willing to join in the counseling that I should try even harder to deal with these feelings of mine at this time? Approach that entire feeling of mine later on in counseling? <p>I just seem to resent that he seems to have been resisting counseling for so long until it seemed he knew the appointment was with her, then was overly co operative and pleasant the night of the appointment, immediately before, during and afterward. Which was great, wonderful, amazing, except it has made the whole counseling approach with her a painful reminder for me of how he changes around woman.<p>I honestly think he would have co operated with Steve, but the attitude displayed would have been more in keeping with a professional one on his part and less a painful reminder for me on how he changes when relating to women. <p>Am I just being selfish and intolerant of his behavior demonstrated? Am I over reacting?<p>Help, please. Any comments and or suggestions would be appreciated. <p>Thank you.

just my opinion - but I ain't no expurt, k?<p>Give the counseling another shot with Jennifer. I understand your hang-ups, but I agree with you that maybe you should be thankful that he is calling in with you, and see where this leads. <p>Is it painful for you to witness all of your H's interactions with women? (bank, restaurants, neighbors, etc) <p>It may also be helpful for you to remind yourself that there's NO WAY Jennifer would be susceptible to an inappropriate relationship with your H - and if she senses anything weird, I'm sure she would handle it in a professional manner.<p>Seems like I remember others talking about Jennifer - seems she has different strengths and weaknesses than Steve - but I can't remember what they've said. Maybe some MB'ers with some experience will be along with a word or two for you.<p>It is important that you be comfortable with your counselor, but perhaps your H will be more open to listening and accepting what Jennifer says, since she is a woman. Would that be worth it to you?<p>So, anyway... I won't go rambling any more... I just think give it another shot - see how that goes - if you are still uncomfortable, come back to us for another boost, or see if your H will be willing to switch to Steve.

Faith 1
thanks for the input...I am trying to be rational about these feelings and I never doubted Jennifer's abilities in anyway. It is my ability I doubt!<p>Can I feel good being involved in a situation where I need to be thankkful for another woman making my husband be a better mate? Tough question...I've been told I should be thankful that some of these OW made my H feel like a man so he could then treat me as a woman sexually. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He chose to create situations of infidelity for his own self gratification, that fact finally made me realize he never really took my feelings into consideration all of these years. His own self gratification was always the strong motivator in his life, doing what he wanted to accomplish or have was always most important. He jutified it in many ways and I allowed my self reasons to try to understand those needs, all the while believing he did care about me, knowing he did care. Just not enough to try to meet my EN too when his were soooo strong. My Giver side thought I could get him to fianally appreaciate my efforts and see them as trying to meet his EN.<p> Is it painful for you to witness all of your H's interactions with women? (bank, restaurants, neighbors, etc) <p>Yes, most of the time he goes out of his way to have special interactions with almost all women encountered, even goes out of his way obviously to encounter them sometimes. Mr. Nice Guy, especially pleasant friendly. In this day of public impersonal dealings of most people with one another, it even is embarassing sometimes. Also obvious to me, that is how he sets himself up to appear available. He never use to be this way.<p>Does the end results always justify the means? I think not, there needs to be some honor and respect in accomplishing the end result, doesn't their?<p>Thanks, I do appreaciate any input, it is always food for thought.