The short of it is...<p>wife had an A, I found out about 2 months ago, she moved out, stopped contact with OM about a month ago. I have been plan A-ing however, since I don't see her much, the Plan A has mostly been for me. I have made some great changes over the past few months and I feel great about myself. I know that I am going to be better because of all of this, and I will make someone a great H.<p>However, my W is still in this unknown state...she doesn't know if she wants to repair the marriage or get DV. She told me she actully thought I would file for a DV once I found out, and she had prepared for that...NOT me wanting to continue our marriage. So at this point I think she is a little confused about what she thought I thought about her. She is also hearing from our friends how well I am doing and how much I have changed.<p>My question...she has been in this "unknown" state for two months. Should I just continue to wait...or should I ask her to make a decesion so we both can move on with our lifes? Quite honestly, I want my marriage to work. However, the more time I spend away from her and the more I continue to better myself...the more I think I might be better off to move on without her. She is stuck in this little spot in her life and she can't figure out her values and what is important to her. I have been going to IC, she will not. We also had one couple session...and she will also not return to that. She has read a couple of books...I think Self Matters and something else. However, she is always busy with something...she has about every weeknight booked up and is out everyweek. From where I stand it looks to me like she is running from her problems, or waiting on me to make a decesion for her.<p>Advise needed.<p>thanks.

My d-day was April 25, 2001... my husband "didn't know" through February, early March... It has only been the last 3 or 4 weeks that I have seen a real difference.<p>Just this weekend I asked him if he loved me... he doesn't know (but I do [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )... I asked if he still felt confused... he answered affirmatively... <p>She may be 'running' from her problems. I felt my H was doing the same... but we can't fix there half of the relationship... only ours.<p>So do your part. Lean on God. And the answers will reveal themselves to you...<p>see my post: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=017493 <p>Good Luck,
Cali<p>[edited date... thanks Z)<p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: Cali ]</p>

Cali, I think you have the year wrong on your d-day. Wasn't it 2001 instead of 2002?

anyone else with suggestions?<p>thanks

>>> waiting on me to make a decesion for her <<<<p>That's pretty typical behavior. I think my WW was like that too. Even though it might seem like she's sticking her head in the sand, though, trust me... she's thinking about things - about how rotten the whole mess is. And so it does take time... if you ascribe to the Harley approach, you're either in Plan A or in Plan B... which means that you continue in Plan A for as long as you feel that your love bank can support it. Then you go to Plan B.<p>On the topic of knowing when it's time to go to Plan B... I think many people's pain leads them to believe that they're "done" before they're really "done". Don't underestimate your resilience... but also don't let all your love bleed away. Talking to a professional like Steve or Jennifer can truly help you understand where you're at.