I’m sure we’ve seen countless “polls” out there… well, here’s another one! This one has a bit of a “theme” – things we can analyze quantitatively, although some of the questions are certainly subjective. Anyhow, it’s geared towards BS in recovery, but anyone can participate… I think the averages might be interesting for all, although not scientific…<p>1. How long did it take for your WS to get out of the fog? (I.e. from the first true signs it was clearing, to the time you felt “secure.”)<p>2. How many months / years did your WS’s A span, from its very start to the very end?<p>3. How many “false recoveries” did you experience?<p>4. Score the following issues for your perception of their importance in getting to a point of full recovery (distribute a maximum total score of 10 between these items):<p>a. Showing WS that you loved them
b. Showing WS that you were “prepared to move on”
c. Were non-confrontational with WS
d. Tried to meet WS’s EN prior to the A’s end
e. Avoided LB’ing
f. Executed Plan A (worked on yourself)
g. Set firm boundaries and enforced them
h. Filed for divorce
i. Went to Plan B
j. Got advice from counselor(s)
k. Confronted OP
l. Spoke your mind to WS
m. Simply waited it out
n. Other ______<p>5. How many counseling sessions did you participate in? (If you can guess, otherwise skip)<p>6. How many times did you SERIOUSLY consider giving up (i.e. filing for divorce)? (If you can guess, otherwise skip)

1. The fog cleared in about 2 weeks from the time the A ended. But I still don't feel secure.<p>2. EA - 2 months, some kissing and petting during last 2 weeks of it.<p>3. None so far - 4 months down the road from D-Day.<p>4. Not sure how you want this done, but the following are the ones I did - listed from most important to least important:<p>f. Worked on myself
l. Spoke my mind to WS
j. got advice from counselors
a. showed WS I loved him
n. other - Opened the lines of communication<p>5. 1 session with a pastor<p>6. 0

Sorry, I wasn't so clear about #4... Here's an example...<p>a. Showing WS that you loved them - 1
d. Tried to meet WS’s EN prior to the A’s end - 2
e. Avoided LB’ing - 2
f. Executed Plan A (worked on yourself) - 1
g. Set firm boundaries and enforced them - 3
j. Got advice from counselor(s) - 1<p>i.e. (g) was most important relatively, (d) & (e) were quite important, etc.

Oh... one more question...<p>7. What percent certainty do you have that the A is OVER and will REMAIN OVER FOREVER.

J.R.<p>First, how are YOU doing?<p>1. How long did it take for your WS to get out of the fog? <p>I think the fog started to clear about 2 weeks ago, when MC pointed out the elephant we'd brought with us to the session!<p>I still don't feel secure.<p>2. How many months / years did your WS’s A span, from its very start to the very end?<p>11 damned years!<p>3. How many “false recoveries” did you experience?<p>Zero. Zero real recoveries yet, too.<p>4. Score the following issues for your perception of their importance in getting to a point of full recovery (distribute a maximum total score of 10 between these items):<p>Damn! I have a PhD, and I still hate to add! I'll give you letter grades on how I think I did.<p>a. Showing WS that you loved them<p>A<p>b. Showing WS that you were “prepared to move on”<p>C<p>c. Were non-confrontational with WS<p>C<p>d. Tried to meet WS’s EN prior to the A’s end<p>C, but only because I STILL don't have a filled-out ENQ from her.<p>e. Avoided LB’ing<p>C<p>f. Executed Plan A (worked on yourself)<p>A<p>g. Set firm boundaries and enforced them<p>C, early on, now B or even A.<p>h. Filed for divorce<p>Haven't<p>i. Went to Plan B<p>Haven't<p>j. Got advice from counselor(s)<p>A. I'm getting my a$$ counseled off!<p>k. Confronted OP<p>Haven't. Will if W doesn't tell him to get lost.<p>l. Spoke your mind to WS<p>C. Need to be more honest about how I feel.<p>m. Simply waited it out<p>B. Assuming this is a good thing.<p>n. Other ______<p>A!<p>5. How many counseling sessions did you participate in? (If you can guess, otherwise skip)<p>Something like 15, so far. I've had about 12 IC sessions, and 2 MC sessions. W has had 2 IC sessions and the 2 MC sessions.<p>6. How many times did you SERIOUSLY consider giving up (i.e. filing for divorce)? (If you can guess, otherwise skip)"<p>What time is it? Actually, on a more than "just a reaction" basis, I've seriously considered giving up only once. Have the names and phone numbers of 2 family attorneys (and the email message to W and OM, unsent) to prove it.<p>Take care,