You lot will soon all be sick of me on here but anyway here goes, has anyone had this happen to them H wants out of the marriage (well it's all over as far as he's concerned) He swears black & blue there is no one else involved he just wants to be on his own because i have apparently made his life hell these past few yrs. NOW the biggie have any of you WS ever been in this place that your partner accused you of having an affair & you weren't you really were just friends with the person. IS THIS POSSIBLE because it seems that my lack of trust on this is what has bought me to where our marriage is now. I am just stuck if I knew for sure that he was having an affair then i think it would be much easier for me to accept closure on this marriage but because i have no hard evidence my head is in such a mess about it all I was just wondering if anyone else had been in a situation such as me. H doesn't trust anyone I know that because I read it ages ago on a yahoo message he sent to his friend they were discussing why he suddenly took off up the road to our leased land when he saw someone there he thought the owners were selling it & his reply to her on this chat thing was I took off because of that it wasn't to avoid you?? Anyway just a question for yous to chew over.

Me again... I should be doing something constructive.. but my daughter is on a visit with OM and his wife and I know she is in great hands, but I am a an overprotective mom. <p> In answer to your question, out of say fifteen times.. I WAS right about fifteen times. Most often your gut instinct is right on target. But I suppose mistake are made. The harleys seem to think if there is a break up of a marriage almost always there is someone else involved.
But there are always cases where people just dont get along.

You'd have to give us more info on why you think there was an EA going on.<p>How often was he seeing her. Did he keep his relationship with her secret from you? What details do you know?<p>My gut feeling is that any time a person choose a friend of the opposite sex over their own spouse, there is an affair going on. What is an affair? It's anytime emotional and/or sexual energy is going outside the marriage. It's any time a person seeks to have their needs met by an OP.. it can be emotional or sexual or both.

I divorced my first H 13 years ago. To this date, he has never admitted his infidelity, but after we were separated and divorcing, witnesses voluntarily told me what they observed. I was convinced by his behavior alone, and even his lame protestations and denials helped confirm my suspicions, but the outside confirmation provided final closure on that issue.

Well he chose to spend time riding his horse with a friend of ours & in a group situation (he previously had an affair with another woman 11yrs ago) it became such that they were always texting each other on the phone to each other & emailing he H just chose to tell me now he & the woman have seperated that 2 or 3 yrs ago he put software on their computer & they were emailing each other he said that it was stuff about them but it was also stuff that you could have put up in the shop window (my H told me that thay had never discussed each others marriages so he lied didn't he) <p>Her H said he was so upset by what she was saying that he decided to end their marriage this last November & they seperated in Feb 2002 we are just about to seperate but this was decided last June when H said he no longer loved me. he said if she was so unhappy with him he was letting her go. He also said that he was ready to deck my h one at the time but now he feels no anger towards H he just feels sorry for both of them.<p>I can't figure out why he didn't share this with me at the time her H i mean because it was at the time that me & her H had a discussion about the amount of time they were spending with each other & I said i was concerned about it.<p>My H sent me an email when i was in the Uk a couple of months ago that said this friend had told him that they were spending too much time together H said it was him that was encouraging her to spend time riding with him but that she was relying on him helping her more than she should have.<p>My H said in this email that there was no way we could ever live together again as we have nothing in common. He said he can't wait to leave & seems very agitated I wonder if it was because this friend told him that they were spending too much time together although he is still in contact with her they haven't been riding together for ages she is more accessible now tho as although her H still lives in the area he has moved into a house on his own.<p>I said to my H that everything pointed to them having an A & his reply to this was I know you all think that but you will be proved wrong!<p>I just hate this & am blaming myself if only i had found this site & applied the principles properly things may have turned out differently, H knows that i hope for a reconciliation (can't spell) but he's just so cold toward me & i feel that once i have left here that is the end. As i feel that to move on i need no contact for a while although i am planning on returning here in about 6 weeks as i have a job offer & somewhere to live. B****r it i am sooooo pissed off, I know that the problem started because I complained about the time he was spending with this friend & I think even if nothing was going on I had the right to speak out trouble was i kept speaking out & wouldn't let it go & I guess that if you have a friendship like that with someone & you r enjoying yourself & come home to a grumpy wife well the grass will look greener on the other side of the fence.

sorry i read back the information i posted above & the first paragraph sounds a bit confusing (well i guess i am confused right!)
The conversation about the bugging the computer was with the friends H & he wouldn't tell me what was in the emails he just falt out refused to i don't know why but anyway in case it causes any confusion thats what it was about.

I do remember your telling us this before now. I'd from what you have told us that your H's relationship with this woman is inappropriate.<p>My ex husband has never admitted to his affairs either

By the way, my current H also denied his affairs until I had one of his OW'en on the phone and she spoke to him with me there. Then he denied each of the 10 affairs until I contacted the woman, had her input. In one case the OW sent me her phone bills and and other physical evidence.. Like emails he sent her. Until I showed him this evidence, he denied each and every affair. <p>It took a lot of work for me to make him realize that I needed the truth no matter how ugly it was. The truth is always better then a lie.

Thanks once again everyone I guess i already know the answer myself but just need some concrete proof (& as we all know finding that out kinda does ya head in!) I was just trying to give h the benefit of the doubt because even tho we alll have gut feelings I guess we hope they aren't right.
Anyway my situation feels more than hopeless at the moment there is so much going on around me with dividing stuff up etc that I have to pull myself up by the bootstraps & get on with it.
Well good luck to all of those that are in recovery & for those of us that are hope to eventually end up there FASTEN YA SEATBELTS!

Wrungout,<p>I think your H is having at least an EA. If someone has an A more than likely they will have another A unless there is a big change in the WS. I think that once a moral boundary is crossed, the next time is so much easier.<p>I may be old fashioned here, but I think that the Man is sole responsible for making the marriage work. If do not feel that you need to have proof that H is having an A to feel absolved of your marriage. It sounds like you have gone above the call of duty on this one.<p>My friend tells me I need to "OWN" my situation. He says I need to accept what my life is now and move on. He also had a WW and now is divorced, he tried Plan A for many many years. He is the strongest and most intelligent about people than I have ever met. He tells me there is so much life has to offer and pick up myself and go after it. Sounds much easier than it is.<p>I hope you feel better and have a much better day than yesterday. Goog Luck!