Hi - I am not sure where I should post this question, but here goes! My husband and I have been married for 17 years. We had what I thought was a perfect marriage for 15 of those years. For the past two years my husband has been on this rollercoaster. One minute he loves me and the kids and can't stand to be away from us and the next minute he doesn't want to be at home...he wants to be alone! We went through a brief separation back in Sept-Dec. He came home in Dec and has been here ever since. Now all of a sudden he is feeling like he wants to be alone again. I just don't understand at all!!! We have fun together, we have 3 great kids, we never fight. Why does someone all of a sudden decide he doesn't want any of that??? Can anyone shed any light on how feelings can come and go so quickly? And what do I do every time this happens? Sit around and wait? Shower him with affection? Distance myself? I am so confused!!! Any advice?? Thanks!

confusedinNY,<p>I hate to ask this, but do you think your H is having an affair? This is rather normal behavior under those circumstances. I’d suggest that you start by reading the material on this web site. If you think he is having an affair, you will want to read the book “Surviving an Affair”.<p>Here is a place to start reading…. General Welcome for All New Builders .<p>Has your H seen his doctor about a possible depression? This could be very helpful.<p>Whether or not he is involved in an affair, the books His Needs, Her Needs and Love Busters will help you. There is information on this web site an in the SAA book about Plan A. You may want to consider plan a’ing him right now.

I hate to scare you, but this is how my H acted when he wanted out to pursue an A with my former best friend. He wouldn't tell the truth, blamed it on work, etc. We ended up separated for 9 mos, and have been in and out of counseling for 6 years.<p>He was also depressed and I knew it, but the counselors wouldn't believe me. Said I was trying to make him look 'sick' so I'd look better. Turns out he's been mildly depressed most of his life and is MUCH better on medication.<p>It's been a long, hard road to save our marriage. But definitely worth it. I would strongly suggest counseling, if he won't go....go alone. It really does help a LOT.<p>It also sounds like he may be having a mid-life crisis. Keep posting and good luck