I have not even ventured to this site for about four months. Things had been the same typical rollercoaster, until I recently put on the brakes. After having my son, our son, and then having him ask for a paternity test, I realized that he would never forgive me for an emotional breakdown.
Not only that, but I am still to blame for his affair. Isn't that funny? Anyway, I turned in the papers. All of the tears, all of the confusion, all of the anger, it's gone. I have never felt so good. I feel like I'm doing the right thing. Not only for me, but for the children he doesn't seem to want anymore.
I spoke to my OM. He hates me, he is bitter about the situation. I said, "good-hope your happy, bye".
This chapter in my life is complete. I'm finding myself, finally, I'm finding myself!! Congrats to Cali for overcoming it all. Daybreak-are you still here? How are you??

Hugs Rainefall...<p>You sound much stronger. That is a SUCCESS! Success is not necessarily in keeping the marriage together, but in fixing ourselves and becoming strong, independent people who can be interdependent as well.<p>Did you find an Al-anon or co-dependency group? (Do I remember correctly that your H had some issues w/ alcohol dependency?) I grew up with this issue and even the Harleys say that it is difficult to repair a marriage when the spector of some addiction hovers.<p>Hugs, thanks for the update.
Cali

RAINEFALL,<p>I didn't see this post earlier, I am sorry. You do sound like you are stronger, the armour helps some you think?<p>Tell us about your son, what is his name, when was he born, how much did he way? Those kind of things.<p>Are you back at work yet? Have you moved out or did WH move out?<p>I am sorry that the om was not nice to you, but did you really want to go back to that? You need to take care of yourself now and the boys and get yourself to be the best person that you can be, you need to be able to focus on that and only that right now. Yes it does suck to not have someone in your life with you in that way, but I want to take care of myself first before I start worrying about somebody else again. Just my 2 cents.<p>Please keep in touch and let us help if you need it!!<p>Take care, God's Blessings, Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Thanks for the update. Keep finding yourself and hang on!

I just returned from therapy and wow did it go well. I am learning to draw boundaries with everyone. I have allowed everyone to control me and shame me when I haven't done what they asked-except the OM. Interesting? I think so. I can't tell you guys how great it is to know that you all are here. I hope that everyone is finding a little peace today.

RAINE,<p>Glad to hear that counseling went well!! Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing!!<p>God Bless,
Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Daybreak,<p>Your post didn't show up before when I replied so here's what you asked for. Vincent was born on February 12, 2002. (supposed OM birthday-H hated that). He weighed 5lbs. 14 1/2 oz. and was 19" long. He was a month early,but I got to take him home with me. H. moved out and we have been working on being friends. Last night he came over to tell me that when it really mattered I always made the wrong choice. I told him that I was about tired of everyone telling me I was always wrong and that I wasn't going to hell. His reply?? Oh, really! Every time he is around for more than a few hours I remember why I needed to get away from him. My boys are both so great, although it's been rough with the baby-he has colic and is really easily upset. He likes to be held all of the time, which leaves me no time to clean. My mom watches the kids during the day while I work and I'm feeling better.