OK guys I only have until 7th May when my H moves into his rented accomodation. As this place is sold I have to move out on the 14th May. Now my BIG question is what do I do if he comes to me to say goodbye???? Do I hug him & tell him i love him, or if he hugs me do i not hug him back (he doesn't love me) I just need to be ready for this I know after 27yrs of marriage it's going to be an emotional thing. or should i just not be around when the time comes.<p>I have given him a plan B letter so this will be our very last contact unless there is an emergency, he knows i hope for a reconciliation so the ball will effectively be in his court from then on i guess. He is so suspicious of everyone that they are trying to rip him off.<p>He has a stressfull time ahead of him as much as i do as although he has a business to go away with, he will be leaving the farm for the last time that we have owned for 20 yrs. He made a comment the other day that I am making it so easy for him to walk away from me because we had a dissagreement about something which is not hard to do when you are dividing assets.<p>I really don't think he's thinking straight everyone keeps telling me that all of this will hit him right in the eye one day & he will come crashing down but i have my doubts on that & it's not something that I am going to hold my hopes out for. I heard him remark to a friend the other night that he couldn't wait to get out of here. I am getting so many mixed messages & thats why i just don't know what i should do when the time comes for him to walk out the door. Can anyone help me on this one???

He already knows you love him. You have given him a Plan B letter. NOW you have to SHOW him Plan B. Have your feelings, grieve, cry, post but NOT in front of him. At this point he doesn't care and it will seem clingy. <p>His comment about making it easy for him to walk out is an attempt to blame you so he doesn't have to feel the guilt that comes with his actions. <p>He wants out: give him what he wants. When he has what he "thinks" he wants he will realize the grass is NOT greener. Have you read "Love must be Tough" by James Dobson? <p>Have you seen this: <p>I got this off http://www.divorcebusting.com. I hope
this helps. DivorceBusting suggests doing a 180.
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore!
2. No frequent phone calls
3. Do not point out good points in marriage
4. Do not follow him around the house
5. Do not encourage talk about the future
6. Do not ask for help from family members
7. Do not ask for reassurances
8. Do not buy gifts
9. Do not schedule dates together
10. Do not spy on spouse
11. Do not say "I Love You"
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get
busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends,
etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start
the conversation) be scarce or short on words
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his
whereabouts, ASK NOTHING
17. You need to make your partner think that you have
had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you
are going to move on with your life, with or without
your spouse
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull
back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more
important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show
your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him
someone he would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which
may be a while)
21. Never lose your cool
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes
their feelings stronger)
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really
saying to you
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you
want to speak out
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh &
focus on all the other parts of your life that are not
in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any
words you can say or write
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you
are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with
your spouse
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than
50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in
absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad
you feel
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

RE: yahoo password, you have to type in his address and then hit password lookup or don't know password, then it will take you to another screen and you put his birthdate etc in and at the bottom it asks for his address again for new password-you don't have to have them send it to the e-mail. If his info is in there right you should be able to get into it, but if he changed dates or zipcodes you might not. Hope that helps. DBD

As I understand it when in Plan B, is IF there has to be contact you always kick in Plan A mode. But I wouldn't necessarily hug and kiss him .... I would hope your Plan B letter said it all ... that it was a love letter, including but not limited to, how you feel about him. <p>Whenever you question yourself during Plan B regarding anything about WS, ask yourself this question: "Am I meeting any of his emotional needs by doing or saying this?"<p>If the answer is yes, then it's not a Plan B thing to do.<p>Best to you, Wrungout. I feel for you, Hon. I remember the day my H left. Saying it was hard is a fantastic understatement, but I did make it thru it. At that time I hadn't yet found MB.<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ May 01, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Hi and thanks to u guys & gals once again my biggest fear thos is that he will hug me it is quite on the cards that he will & I don't know whether to hug him back or not??????Any suggestions

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by wrungout:
Hi and thanks to u guys & gals once again my biggest fear thos is that he will hug me it is quite on the cards that he will & I don't know whether to hug him back or not??????Any suggestions<hr></blockquote><p>YES, hug him back. Otherwise his last memory of hugging you would be you didn't hug him back. Create new memories to sustain him until he becomes FOG-less.<p>Lv,
Jo

Well I thought that I should hug him back if he hugs me but ya know when you want to do the right thing but r scared of stuffing up so if he hugs me i will hug him back.....Will then light my candle & I'm not a religious person but I sure will b praying he changes his mind [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

wrungout, I am sorry that you are facing your H moving out. One year ago today, my son helped his WW pack and move away, taking their son. At this time, you must think about yourself. Like Jo said, leave a good impression, and let him go. Come here. We'll be here for you.<p>While I am here, let me put in a plug for God. The longer you deal with life, the more you learn that the ONLY ONE you can absolutely count on to love you and share your hurts and happiness is God. He wants to help you through this. I will pray that you be open to know that. I will also pray that your H realizes what he is giving up.<p>Take care,
Estes

Thanks for all the input! I have lit my candle & will pray pray pray!

Wrungout,<p>When I get home this evening from work, I too will light a candle for you AND your H.<p>You're doing good. Be proud of yourself, we are.<p>Stay strong ... and God Bless.<p>Lv,
Jo

Thanks I Love you all to bits!

Wrungout,
I went through 7 separations, had pretty much every send-off from begging to throwing up to "Vaya Con Dios my love" to the one where he told me he had just found out the OW was dating the guy whose house he was moving into...I laughed really hard, I didn't mean to, but Geez, he's leaving me because of her and he & his housemate are both dating her? I sometimes wonder if I hadn't collapsed into laughter if he would NOT have gone that time.<p>So, no laughing or throwing up is my advice, but you can hug, kiss, say I love you, I wish you well. Like Resilient says, you want to craft a lasting, good impression.

Well thanks for all your input I will be ready for the event!<p>Honestly the people around here have been lovely to me, today a lady from the village came round on the pretence of asking me about some catering price advise (couldn't figure it out at the time because i am not in the catering line but anyway told her to pop round & i would help her if i could) Very talkative lady she is & when she arived my friend was here so we proceeded to discus the catering & as soon as my friend left this lady turned to me & said actually this was not why i came to see you. She said i came to tell you that god loves you & can i please give you a hug! I was shocked anyway she gave me a hug & said they had been praying for me at church (I am not a religious person) I thanked her very much & she left, honestly i was so blown away that she would make the effort to come & see me anyway hope they r praying hard as i am, I went & bought a candle yesterday & last night i lit it & i prayed so hard which is a foreign thing for me to do but i did it & then this lady turns up it's wonderful....