Hi J,

I have found myself asking the question what next these last 2 days. There are many options and at this time no clear guidence. I feel that God is showing me that for the first time I have the freedom to really choose what I want to do. So now i'm working on what do I really want my life to be like for next 10 years

It is interresting that you would say this. Really, you had this option all your adult life. Now you have faith in yourself, and you know it is fact. Teach this to your sons, they need to know it also.

We have rain today for the first time since Febuary? It has been so long I can't remember. I suppose livning in the desert is different from where you live.

Have a good weekend J, still praying for your whole family.

SS

Hi SS - as there seems no one else reads or responds I may as well address al my posts direct to you!
Hope you are having a good w/e.
I have had an interesting few days . Issues with H and with my future have been simmering nicely!
I have been looking at property I could buy outright- no mortgage - once I have equity from Castle sale and sell this house. I have also been considering my options work wise- I have done a number of jobs not just teching over the years and so have been listing my strengths and weaknesses and the things I would like in a job and dislike. Conclusion I have come to is that it is worth ooking at buying either a bed and breakfast guest house with owner accomodation or a village post office again with accomodation. Now I will pray and wait to see how this develops.
T rang me yesterday to say he would be catching train from London but would make his own way from station. I just said 'fine' and didn't feel guilty ( as I would a few weeks ago). H arrived- late as train was delayed but he rang to let me know) and then proceeded to agree to 60/40 split in equity but no decision on pension split until Dv. When I say 'when you dv me' he just looks away and makes no comment- is he having 2nd thoughts? He then suggested that he take me nand the boys to alocal attraction which he knows I wanted to see!! What is going on here?
Well thats life in htis household at the moment. jANTE

Hello Jante,

Hi SS - as there seems no one else reads or responds I may as well address al my posts direct to you!

Lots read here, not sure why they don't comment.
Why don't some of you guys comment?

Your interaction with T has given me a big smile. This is where I hoped you could be emotionally so you could respond correctly to him but not leave the marriage altogether because you were sick of waiting. I am happy that you have so many options. I still pray for T. ( and all of you)

J, keep up the good work, I hope you get answers to your prayers and do the right things. Say a little prayer for me, I struggle with my own demons today.

Have the boys started school yet? and if so, how do they like this new year?

SS

Hi SS and thanks again for replying.
The boys have started back at school- D is not particularly keen and has told me that if I move again he will refuse to go to school so I will get into trouble! A has started senior school and is loving it, he has a few really nice friends who are all keen on work and so all 4 boys stay behind and do homework in the library after school- long may it continue!
C says he is bored but is acytualy a good student who I am sure will be settling fine into his new class.
I continue to mull over my options for the future, I know I don't have to make any decisions if I don't want to but at the same time feel as if there is something pushing me forward- I just don't know where!! Does that make sense.? If I didn't have the childrens welfare and education to consider I would probably jump in and buy a Bed and Brekfast but as it means moving again and not to where they have lived before its a hard decision to make.
Hope this makes sense I'm just typing my thoughts and they are pretty muddled!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Jante

J,
I know you have the childrens welfare to consider, but yours has to come first. Right now, you hold things together. In the first 15 years of our marriage we lived in 9 different places. Our children complained every time we moved. Now, they say it was good for them. It won't harm them to do what's best for you. You know that no one can really tell you what to do, but God knows and he will guide you.

LOL, LOL, thinking of the changes T will have to make for you to let him come back. He doesn't even have an idea. He will have to do some growing pretty fast.
It is interresting how he reacts to the different you. Just why would he ask you along with the boys? It really does sound like he still has feelings. I think he is trying to reel you in some, so you don't get clear away from him. Keep making those comments about " when you file." Things will come to you to say.

BTY, you may feel muddled, but you make perfect sense to me. You don't sound muddled. Did you like doing the B&B at Levan? or is it that you can stay home more? I would think it quite a bit of work and hard to be away at all. Of course, you could have help at times to cover for you.

Glad the boys are doing reasonably well. One less worry for you. Any word on FIL?

SS

<small>[ September 10, 2002, 12:23 AM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Thanks SS< the boys have moved quite a bit already- eldest has had 5 periamry schools and 2 secondary schools and A had 5 primary schools- obviously hes now in his first secondary school. I enjoyed doing BB at Levan - but didn't do as much as i wanted as I was also teaching to bring in regular income to pay mortgage. I love having folks in my home and feeding them! I also like the thought of being able to stay at home but earn an income, and I would probably not doo BB from nov !st to April1st but do supply teaching if we needed extra income in those months. Yes it is hard work in the summer months but fun as well. However still have to be sure about the move- I caqn really only afford to do it somewhere like blackpool- which is where my mum lives- so another advantage.
Visiting FIL on Saturday- it is cancer but they can treat it with drugs to maintain the status quo. My mum is in hospital at the moment as well having had her hip replaced. Will visit her as well on Saturday.
By the way the move to blackpool would not be a problem church wise- there is one related to the one we went to in Glasgow and led by the father of an old school mate.
I have no strong feelings definitely yet- but will post when i have.
I also did a new thing for me today- spoe at the conference in London that I told you about. it was scary and yet fun as well.
Hope you and your family are weel especially at this sad time of rememberence.
Jante

Greetings Jante,

I knew the conference was coming up but I did not know the exact day. I should have wished you well before hand. I suspect you did well. Lets see, H was to come and look after the boys, so I wonder how that went. I wonder what he thinks about when he is there. Does he visit all the rooms in the home and think of who lives in each one? Does he think of you? Odd thoughts for me to be having, don't know where they come from sometimes. It's hard for a non thief to understand a thief. It's hard for me to understand what he has done and how he can live with it. It is enough for me to know that God understands and helps us, and I know he does.

You would have said if your Mum was in any kind of trouble, so the operation must have gone well. I hope her recovery is fast and complete. I am glad FIL can be treated and hope he has a full recovery also.

So, what would T think if he called and said he wanted to come home and you told him, " I don't know, I'll think about it and tell you in a few weeks." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You have detached, but don't let go 100%, stay about 95%. You may need about 5% to get things started again - if and when he wakes up. I know there is always a chance. I have mentioned Jonah before, he was sent to Niniva. The people of Niniva were some of the worst on the earth at that time. Pretty much all the sins that caused the Lord to destroy the earth in Noah's time. They used a punishment for those they didn't like that is too gruesome to detail here. Jonah may have thought that's what was in store for him. Not all the prophets were saved by fire from heaven like Elisha. Funny thing is, they repented in "sackcloth and ashes." Niniva became a righteous land and was blessed. Things aren't always what they seem.

I still think God is training you in your listening skills so you will be better able to respond and benefit all your life. Both for your own self and family and for others that you can influence. Not that he caused all this, but he uses both bad and good experiences for our good.

When was the invitation for you to go with H and sons? Was it last weekend, or this coming?
It makes me wonder what is on his mind too. I think your comments about D bother him and I think he does want to draw you back a little. ( cake eater.) Keep saying those things, he needs to hear them.

I wasn't going to do this much today but it came out anyway. Feelings come now that I am done, so I am for today.

SS

PS, yes family are well, thanks for commenting. I tend not to dwell on the past, better to learn from the past but look to the future, and make the best of today.

<small>[ September 10, 2002, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi SS yes the confereence did go well and was certainly a new experience. H came to the house at 6.10am and offered to take me to the station to save my having to leave the car in the car park. He also insited on picking me up even though I offered to make my own way home- a reversal of roles here! The children were at school so he had a long time in the house on his own to think!
My mum is fine and should be able to walk further once she has recovered from the op. She has been having to use a wheel chair whenever she went out for the last 2 years.
It was last w/e we had the trip out as a family- I really don't know what H thinks at such times. the boys walked round the place with me and H was either in front or behind! He did buy us all an ice cream as well! It was the first time we had cdone anything together for about 3 months so it was rather nice.
Anyway thats all my news for now. jante

Hi J,
I don't have much advice or any questions today.
I wonder what H would have done if you had asked him to hold your hand as you walked around on the weekend? I wonder if you would even have wished it.

You seem pretty even from day to day, and I am happy for that. I have a great deal of faith in your abilities, so keep on going.

I suppose I had better get some sleep. My fingers can't seem to find the right keys. ( wearing out the backspace key)

SS

Hi SS

I wonder what H would have done if you had asked him to hold your hand as you walked around on the weekend? I wonder if you would even have wished it.
There are still times when i imagine myself and H holding hands, but not as often. I don't know what he would have said- having had my attempts to hold hands, cuddle and more rejected in the erly days I am very wary of suggesting or trying anything now.

I am having a 'confused' day. I feel fairly detatched as far as H is concerned,though there was a pang when I spoke to him earlier to confirm his works tel. no. and he said "BTW we have a phone at home now " and gave me the number.

I am still trying to make sense of where my future should be, geographically and job wise, and what I should do for the best financially. praying hasn't brought any clarification so far. I spoke to my financial advised today ( a Christian who helped me get my mortgage in the early days of all this) and had more ideas given just to add to the confusion.
Jante

I won't add to the confusion - I don't know what you should do. I have almost always gotten an answer to prayer when I needed to do something. There were a few times that I did not but was sure it was the right thing so did it anyway. (It has been right in these cases.) When I worry is when I don't know for sure and don't get an answer. So in those cases I don't do anything.

I thought about what you said about you may as well adress to me, as I am the only one that replies. I hope it is not too frustrating for you.
I wonder if I have jinxed you. I know often I don't really have much advice or help for you. Sometimes I wonder if you get tired of posting here for the little bit of help you get. I hope you don't come on just to be nice, - lets see, is there any way to say this without it sounding wrong from one point of view of another? Anyway, I hope you still get something from this board, if not, I hope you don't stick around just because I always reply.

I re-read and it doesn't sound quite right, but I don't know how to make it right, and don't want to leave it out, so it stands.

So, where was I ?
Oh, yes, if I don't know for sure, I just wait and study it further and pray. Perhaps God still has things he will make happen before you will know. At least you know he is real and will help. That's something.

Ss

Hi SS I certainly appreciate the replies you write- they give me food for thought and often help to clarify my own thoughts. I have thought that when I have another change in my situation I will post a new thread- it could be that at 20 pages new people don't want to read the novel my life has become. Don't put yourself down your help for me and others here is invaluable. To add to my list of possibilities for my future I had a mad half hour at work today and day dreamed with my manager the idea of giving yup everything here in UK for 6 months, using money from castle sale , taking the boys out of dchool and go off exploring the world!!
Jante

I wasn't trying to put myself down, just trying to explain that- well, if you didn't want to show up some days, or weeks, you don't have to. And this without you getting the Idea that I don't like to reply, cause I do. You are so polite, if I did ever make you angry, or hurt your feelings, I wonder if you would say anything.

If you want to see the world, we would probably invite you to come stay with us for a time and we will show you some sights here. Everyone ought to see the Grand Canyon sometime in their life. I suspect my W would be thrilled to host your family. We also love to have company. Invite T, he may want to come also. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Are you taking some kind of new medication? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I would love to hear what D says about this one. ( and A, and C.)

Have to go, I am due home for a camping trip about 45 minutes ago.

SS

Hi SS Thought I'd post my options as I see them- you'll notice no mention of H at the moment I'm making decsions for me and the boys- H can run to catch us up if he should so choose.I don't expect an answer but posting helps to clarify my thoughts.

1. Stay put, place equity from scottish property in this one there by reducing my mortgage by more than half, so I will be able to do part time work if I want

2. Put part of the money in as a bove, spend some on making changes to house and a great holiday for us all.

3. Move back to scotland buy a cheaper property so i don't need a mortgage and find a job to pay every day bills.

4. Buy a B&B near where my mum lives- again doing away with mortgage and bringing in an income.

5.Go mad- have someone rent the place for 6 months take boys out of school and go off travelling with them!!!!

I will probably err on side of caution and do either 1. or 3.

I drove 276 miles to visit FIL MIL, my sister and my mum, I mused on my feeling of rootlessness which results in such indecision shown in the post above. In 42 years of life I have called 21 houses home, not living in any longer than 6 years, and have lived in 10 different towns- the longest there being 12 years. When reviewing my options with a financial advisor he suggested I chooses where wanted to live first and then decide what to do about the house/mortgage. Can't even decide that. As my job comes to an end in 5 months I don't even have that to help me make my decision!!! How rootless can you get?
Jante

<small>[ September 14, 2002, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: jante ]</small>

J, you have come a long way - even since I first met you. What a wonderful person you are becoming. ( OK, you always were a wonderful person, I could get in trouble with God for saying otherwise, but - well, you are getting even better.)

Thought I'd post my options as I see them- you'll notice no mention of H at the moment I'm making decisions for me and the boys- H can run to catch us up if he should so choose.

He had better hurry if he wants to catch you. I hope he notices soon how far out ahead you are and starts to run.

I don't expect an answer but posting helps to clarify my thoughts
I almost always comment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I tend to be very conservative with money. I would probably vote to try and have zero mortgage. I have noticed big swings in the markets of the world the last few years. There has not been a big crash in world markets for quite some time, making it overdue (in my mind.) Those things affect jobs and costs of goods in every country in the world. We have 10 years left on our mortgage but I am on a three year plan to pay it off, and think I can make it within a few months of three years. I hate debt. I have no personal debt other than the home. I am no financial planner, so just giving my opinion.


1. Stay put, place equity from scottish property in this one there by reducing my mortgage by more than half, so I will be able to do part time work if I want

2. Put part of the money in as above, spend some on making changes to house and a great holiday for us all.

3. Move back to scotland buy a cheaper property so i don't need a mortgage and find a job to pay every day bills.

4. Buy a B&B near where my mum lives- again doing away with mortgage and bringing in an income.

5. Go mad- have someone rent the place for 6 months take boys out of school and go off travelling with them!!!!

I will probably err on side of caution and do either 1. or 3.

I am curious as to why numbers 1 and 3. At one time, number 4 seemed high on your list. I think I know what makes 1 high on your list ( you would not have to move.) but what makes 3 more attractive than 4?
Number 5 is not much like I have come to expect from you, so I think I understand not doing that one. ( that is a compliment, by the way.) I do wonder what the boys would think if they knew you had considered it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Drove 276 miles to visit FIL MIL, my sister and my mum, I mused on my feeling of rootlessness which results in such indecision shown in the post above. In 42 years of life I have called 21 houses home, not living in any longer than 6 years, and have lived in 10 different towns- the longest there being 12 years. When reviewing my options with a financial advisor he suggested I chooses where wanted to live first and then decide what to do about the house/mortgage. Can't even decide that. As my job comes to an end in 5 months I don't even have that to help me make my decision!!! How rootless can you get?

It is probably natural that you feel so adrift right now. Many things you thought would be stable forever have changed.

I count 21 homes for me also, and 14 towns. ( in my soon to be 47 years.) However, consider that I believe I have deep roots.
I know who I am, I know what I am here for, and where I am going. I am a son of God, he loves me and that is true no matter where I go. I learned to pray to him when I was small, he still answers. He has been there each day as long as I can remember. I will live a short time on this earth, and then I hope I will live with him forever. I also believe I will be with many that I hold dear - and see them daily and be friends still. Do you believe we take friendships with us? I don't own much, but try and live as taught by the scriptures and I seem to have the respect of my friends and associates. I try to have integrity and that is something I can take with me no matter where I go. Part of my roots as it were.

You have all these same things. If you can teach them to your sons, then no matter where they go, or what they do, they will have deep roots that will enable them to stand in the storms that surely come to them as they have come to you. There are different kind of roots, and you have some of the best kind. You stand solid in the storms, you sway but do not fall.

Where should you go? What should you do? I can't help but think that in time you will know. Give it a few months, don't force it. That feels like the right thing to say, so I have said it.

Will there be a time someday in heaven, when all of us from here on MB can get together and visit? I don't have a sure answer to that one, but somehow I think it may be possible.

Hope visits with Inlaws and Mother and Sister went well. How do they all seem to be doing? is your Mum walking yet? You never say much about sisters, do they help you and give you support in all your troubles?

If you want to take some of the proceeds from the sale and make a trip, you really could come see us. We live in a part of the world that many save for half their lives to be able to come see. We often have cousins stop by at 2 or 3 in the morning ( to stay the night) because they feel that comfortable with us and know they are always welcome. We know many of the secret sights that most never get to see. At least your boys would know they had been somewhere. If you are ever really considering it, it would be a treat to host you. If we ever get to the UK, I hope to be able to visit you. I have it as a goal for W and I to do it someday. Her fathers family traces to Ireland, mine to Wales.

As much as I talk, you would never know I am shy, would you?

SS

<small>[ September 16, 2002, 02:50 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Hi SS and thanks

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />
I don't feel I am or am becoming a wonderful person I act in the only way I know how, to maintain the best for my children and my self and H.

As to my options, travel would be great fun but somehow I don't see it happening as I would be too unsure of the future. However it is fun to dream and should we have opportunity to come to the States then we will try and visit with your wonderful family.

The other option remain open, my reason for proably avoiding no. 4 is that it would mean moving to Blackpool and I'm not sure that that would be best for the children though if I only had myself to conside it would be at the top of my list. I will continue to seek guidence and won't move until I have a clear word.
Jante

Hi J,
I must admit that I had thought Blackpool would be high on your list. ( with your Mum there.) Is it church that is lacking there, or school? Why wouldn't it be good for the boys to be near their Grandma? ( I asked that wrong, It would be good but there must be other things you are considering.)
I would think that would be very good for them. Do they have cousins there? I don't know the ages of your sisters children or if she even has any.

Are you the oldest child in your family? It would explain a lot of things if you are.

I agree with you about travel. I could see you doing it if you were debt free but you are quite conservitive ( me too ! ) and I didn't think you would choose that option. I just wanted you to understand that your family has an invitation to see some sights and stay ( no cost to stay with friends ! ) if you ever consider visiting the Western US. Last year my cousnin ( lives in Walton-on-Thames, Surrey ) brought her husband and stayed with us. We had a great time showing them around. ( My cousin is from here, but met and married a Brit while in college.) I like taking people sight seeing much better than working. ( I do work, it seems I can't get out of it long term.)

As far as making you blush, I never intended to do that. It seems to me that many don't show the strength you are showing, and can't seem to cope. I admire you for what you are able to do, even though you have had the same pain as others. I know you have bad days like everyone does, but you cope anyway. Perhaps it is true, we really are our own worst critics.

What is T doing with the boys tonight? How do the two of you interact now? I have not heard you speak of that lately. Perhaps it is not something you care to think about right now.

J, I believe you are going the right direction with the plans you are making. I also believe the answers will come by the time you need them.

When you come, fly into Las Vegas Nevada. The wife and I and twins will pick you up. We can seat 8. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> If T comes, will leave twins home.
SS

Hi SS , hope today is a good day for you.

I must admit that I had thought Blackpool would be high on your list. ( with your Mum there.) Is it church that is lacking there, or school? Why wouldn't it be good for the boys to be near their Grandma? ( I asked that wrong, It would be good but there must be other things you are considering.)
There is a church linked with the one we go to here, in Blackpool but for the children it means starting again making new friends. Also the schools don't seem to be very good in the Blackpool area. But yes it would be nice to be neat to my mum. My sister who has choldren similar ages to mine ,actually lives near me at the moment- 30 miles away. The sister who lives near my mum has one child - a year old so its not quite the same!
I am the eldest daughter although there is less than 3 three years between the three of us. However due to my mum being ill and my father leaving us when I was a teen ager I was always older than my years and 'bossy' according to my sisters!!
What is T doing with the boys tonight? How do the two of you interact now? I have not heard you speak of that lately. Perhaps it is not something you care to think about right now.
T is unable to visit the children mid week at the moment due to work commitments. When he comes he seems to be more and more sheepish with me, and uncertain in his interaction. I wonder if this is a good sign? He had the boys at his parents last saturday while I visited my mum who is doing well with her new hip. This coming w/e no plans have been made yet and the following one I'm away to celebrate my b'day and he is staying at my home to look after the boys. It appears that T's job could end in Oct. which will put him in a vinerable position particularly as his OW is still not working! Well you always thought things would come to a head in Oct.!!!
I have good friends here who I talk through my choices wth, they feel that Scotland is still my best option. The boys would be back in a strong youth oritated church with frinds and the schools are goor there. As I can afford a house with out a mortgage there I would not have to have a job to move. Thats my news for the moment.
Jante

Hi J,

Hi SS , hope today is a good day for you.
It will be ! I am sure of it.

There is a church linked with the one we go to here, in Blackpool but for the children it means starting again making new friends.
And they have friends in Scotland to go back to. So it would not be like starting from scratch. Good schools are important, but for some reason I would not worry about them making friends. I would think ( just my opinion mind you) that being near your Mum would more than make up for that. We had a family reunion this summer and told stories about my grandparents. I had grown up living 1/2 city block from them and then moved 1 block away from them in my teens. I listened to my cousins tell stories and knew that they really did not know them like I do. I consider it a blessing that I grew up so close to them and got to see them almost daily. It can't always be done, but it seems to me a real blessing to have my children know my parents. We see them weekly on the average. I often wonder if I should say these kinds of things, I don't want to give the idea that I already know what you should do, I just kind of - well, vocalize some of my feelings about life.

Also the schools don't seem to be very good in the Blackpool area.
Perhaps they need a better caliber of teacher like say, JH. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

We have moved quite a bit also - about like what you have done. I have never had a problem with a school anywhere we have lived. There are some places in the country I would not live because of the school climate but it is mostly a community problem, not just a school one. Perhaps that is what you face. I am not familiar with areas of the UK, so I can't comment on Blackpool. I find myself wondering why your mother stays there?

I am the eldest daughter although there is less than 3 three years between the three of us. However due to my mum being ill and my father leaving us when I was a teen ager I was always older than my years and 'bossy' according to my sisters!!
I thought you were the oldest. You learned early on about hard work and taking care of things, often the only way they got done would be if you did them, so you did. I suspect that is where you learned to be such a good cook also. I say this with confidence because of two things. First, you enjoy cooking, and I don't know of anyone that enjoys it that can't do it pretty well. Second, you were successful at a B&B and no one can succeed there without being good at it. Many referrals come from others that stay, and they don't give good reports of bad food. As I recall, the menus at Levan were pretty impressive. And I think you had to be a little bit bossy. How would you have gotten anything done otherwise? POJA doesn't work very well with younger sisters. BTY, I am the 2nd of 6 children. 4 boys, 2 girls. Yes, you being the oldest explains a lot of your personality and your drive for security and your ability to take care of home and finances. ( This is a positive statement, please don't take it wrong.)

T is unable to visit the children mid week at the moment due to work commitments. When he comes he seems to be more and more sheepish with me, and uncertain in his interaction. I wonder if this is a good sign?
I had thought to council you to write to him again but had very strong feelings against it. I find that very interesting. Somehow I feel against commenting on it further.

He had the boys at his parents last Saturday while I visited my mum who is doing well with her new hip. This coming w/e no plans have been made yet and the following one I'm away to celebrate my b'day and he is staying at my home to look after the boys.

What kinds of things does he do when he visits and spends time with them. Does he do things that give him time to talk to them and interact and really get to know them, or is it things that are external, that they just do, or watch, with little conversation?

It appears that T's job could end in Oct. which will put him in a vulnerable position particularly as his OW is still not working! Well you always thought things would come to a head in Oct.!!!
When I think back, it is crazy that I commented on a time frame, but I had those feelings, and still do. I don't know what to say about this. I have had these feelings about my own children, and things I should do in my own life from day to day, but it does not make sense to me that I would have them in relation to someone I don't know well, whom I have no charge over. This is one of the reasons it feels odd to me that I ever commented.

I have good friends here who I talk through my choices with, they feel that Scotland is still my best option. The boys would be back in a strong youth oritated church with friends and the schools are good there. As I can afford a house with out a mortgage there I would not have to have a job to move.
I am glad you have good friends to speak with. It helps to share our burdens with others. It also helps us to know what is best just by talking about it, we understand our options better when we have to state them to others. ( I believe you have said this yourself.) I still believe that when you need to know, it will be made plain what you need to do.

My news for the moment is that the sky is clear and sunny. The air is fresh after some rain the last few days, ( finally!! ) and life is happy today. If A comes home from school happy today, ask him why, and get to know him better. Tell him you love and appreciate him. If C has that puzzled look, give him an extra hug.

I hope today was/ is good for you, and that tomorrow will be better.
SS

Hi SS and thanks,
yes I am not putting too much pressure on myself to make a decision as I know when he time is right it will come. I think part om my searching for what is right comes out of he need to have a vision for my future and something to plan toward and there not being anything at the moment just a black hole!! However i am leaving it in \Gods hands while researching my options.
T spends time with the children in a variety of ways- but for the most part thses days if hes at my house the children are out with friends and he sits around . Its a difficult one as when he takes the children off to do things they moan and say why should they plan their life round him when he doesn't live with them and be a father to them any more. I try to include him in all decisions about the boys eg school trips etc. and consult with him on discipline issues etc. I also try to encourage camping trips etc. But have stood back in the last few months and let T and the boys work these things out themselves. They had a week with him in Scotland and he took them off doing things but took friends with them so I got the feeling he spent little actual time with the children as individuals. Its sad because prior to se[paration he used to spend time with the boys individually doing things and talking. Now a lot of what he says to the boys is misunderstood by them.
Jante