I was so tired last night, my WH was doing his best to be alright, had dinner with my family, we had planned **XXX and all then, ow asked him to go to her former employer (strip club) and ask for the owner to sign a paper verifing employment for her. I knew about this i don't know why it bothered me. by the time he got home, and we went and picked up our truck. He was in a bad mood and so was I, I LAID INTO HIM, I NEVER DO THAT. I BROKE ALL THE RULES, acted needy cried, told him i loved him, ect ect. I am back to Square 1. I am trying but every once in a while about 1time every week i lose it, any ideas????
HELP PLEASE

cloudyday:<p>you are going to make mistakes. mistakes are evidence that you are working on it. just try to become more aware of when you are straying and pull back. STOP TALKING. nothing from that point on will be good for the m. believe me when i say that is hard to do but at that point is the only thing that works. come and post here. vent here. <p>keep your faith and hope.<p>hopenden/rayoflight

1. Allow yourself to be human. You made a mistake don't be so hard on yourself. Given the circumstances you have been thrown into you are allowed to make mistakes.<p>2. How did you feel when OW asked him to go? Did you tell him how you felt at that time? Did you have a say in whether or not he went? You can not stuff your feelings or you will blow. You have a right to express your feelings. You could say: I feel hurt that you want to go with OW. Freaking out is a LB. Explaining calmy how you feel when you feel it is NOT. (Although it is hard to do and takes practice!) it helps relieve the pressure and will help you from blowing it. The two of you could have done a POJA to discuss how to take care of it. Maybe you could've gone with them or he could've said no. <p>I think you felt your choices where taken away again. I think you felt betrayed again that he was with ow again. <p>You have choices... you have a voice... speak up... you matter!

ok, funny, wh just called me to tell me that he accidentally set my new couch inmy new house on fire. while i was home ow called, he said, they are fighting, i guess i get to be the nice one, she can be the bit** for a change [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] lol

I am almost at the end of my rope. I wish i was a bird that could fly away. there is so much pain here. i almost can't look at him anymore. I am so sad.

Cloudy day,
so sorry for your pain. How long has it been since d-day? We've had 2 d-days, and I'm really not wanting another.
Hang in there. Let us know how things go. I'll pray for you.
P.S. I left you an email on yahoo.
kk

thanks KK,
D-day1 dec 11,2001, d 2 april 12th, no more PA, he says, just ea, cell phone bill 700.00, [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] just saw him at lunch he seems like he is waiting for the other shoe to drop, i think he knows i can't take much more. HANGING IN THERE, thanks for the encouragement.

Cloudyday,<p>D-day for me was 3/12/02. My WW sounds somewhat like your husband. She is confused, does not want to end the EA/PA but does not want to leave me. Some crap that is? I often would like to stop existing. My pain is so bad sometimes, I have to take pause to regain my composure. My emotions are like a rollercoaster. Last night WW told me that she was worried that she would ever be able to be intimate or give me affection ever again, and affection is my most important EN. <p>On the bright side, I know these A's will end eventually. I know that we will once again be great, it is the waiting that is the killer. <p>Be encouraged that it sounds like he is responding to your Plan A's positively. I too screw up every once in a while, but we can all regain what we lost by a little Plan A'ing. I think evertime I realize I screw up, I am better the next time. Remember Plan A also involves working on yourself as well. Get stronger and be positive, show him that you have got life under control.<p>It sounds like you are a giver. I also am a giver and have to learn to set boundaries for what I believe in. This is real hard for me. I set a boundary and the first time we fight about it, I give in to patch things up. By doing this, I lost my boundary and a small piece of myself. Right now, I have done this so much that I do not even know who I am right now. I am slowly finding myself again. How could I posibly be attractive to her right now if I do not know who I am.<p>Good luck. I am right there with you going through this same painful experience. I hope at least some of this will help. I am new at this forum and sometimes I think I put my foot in my mouth too much.

Cloudyday,<p>I tried to find your story. Could you point me too it or summarize it. I would like to know. <p>Thanks,
Dreamland

dreamland,
thanks for your post, i think it just helps having someone to tell the truth to without them jumping down your throat. Everyone that knows tells me to kick him to the curb, you would think they would say way to go keep trying things will work out. but no, sorry for the rant, his mother just told me to let him sleep on the street. HOW AWFUL.
summery
I teach school and he worked nights for about 7 years. We have slowly drifted apart. he had his friends and i took care of myself and the kids (D - 7, S - 9) It just gradually got worse. He started stopping at a strip club after work ect...
I warned him that this W saw him as a good thing, and i didn't want him to get sucked into her crazy world (married 5 times living with #6 ) He brought her to the house and introduced us, i cooked dinner, tried to be nice. but i was suspicious, he would smoke outside and talk on the phone to her. I just knew. I put a voice activated tape player in his truck and sure enough, they are in love and soul mates, When i confronted him he said he was sorry, wouldn't see her anymore, but they would just be friends. I was LB all over the place (dec 2001, ) I found this site in Jan. and started plan a i have been working my A** off, in april, i caught him again. (he says she saw his truck and stopped) I LB i couldnt take it anymore set down talked, he said he needed to work throught this, can i give him until september, i agreed (giver in me ) it is really killing me. I am almost done with school, (may 17). i think i may take my wonderful children to the beach for a month. I could camp out or something i just need to be away from here for a while. thanks for listening s.

There are so many sad stories at MB. Why is it that we have to endure so much pain? I am tired of loving so much and not getting any love in return. I am preparing to go home now and I have to put on my happy face to do Plan A. I am sick to death already of this Plan A (almost two months old). I am sick of getting stepped on everyday of having to here how much pain she is in and how her hair is turning gray over all of this. Well I lost almost 15 pounds already. I told her I was dieting. I just do not feel like eating most of the time. <p>Sorry for the vent. I appreciate you posting your story. I am starting to see that I need to work on myself quite a bit more. I need to read some more books and think happy thoughts. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi cloudy and dreamy,
Have your limits, only you know when you've had too much. 6 months or so is a good guideline for some... I know cloudy you are almost up on that. Just wanted to tell you it is hard to see progress, but sometimes it comes when you are least expecting it. It did for me it took about 7 months for my ws to actually reach back to me. <p>Hang in there ok? Work for yourself and your kids, work at being a better person and being happier for you.<p>-HI

Thanks for the posts, I can tell you they help alot. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>HI,
Im glad things are looking up for you, it gives me hope to think that it will get better with or without him. Im a little scared, now i am actually thinking about life without him.( and not crying my eyes out. ) this site has helped so much.
thanks again [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Dream,<p>I am sorry for your pain. I know how hard it is to put on the happy face. I did it last night too. I got home (after second job) and he was already 5 beers into a good drunk. Boy was he talkative. She is getting a tatoo (all across her butt.) HE HATES TATOOS. we were in the army together, he doesn't even have one. He is livid. then i got to hear about how she was out with her lesbian frends (ok that was over the top) I was really having to work at not saying anything negative. All i could think about was i will NEVER stay here if this isn't over soon because I WILL NOT LET THIS ABSOLUTLY NASTY< IMMORAL @@@@@@@@ person have any part in my childrens lives. BOY CAN HE pick them. LOL
I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOOD, I WILL PRAY THAT YOU HAVE PEACE AND GRACIOUSNESS TODAY. sara