you said
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I it's me (Brokenlady214). I have a question..
How bad did i blow this? We seperated 3 years ago last month and my "WH" got involved with "OW". For the last 1 1/2 years he led me to believe she was out of our lives. He even began to tell me that he loved me, missed me, for me to keep dreaming and etc. I LB bad when i was informed by (sources) last month, that he made contact with "OW" in March/02. <p>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>Is he in any kind of counseling... sounds like a classic "I want my cake and to eat it too."<p>
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>I got this 1 hour before having to go to work by e-mail. i tried to call him and got voice mail and answering machine. I went off the deep end, cried, threatend divorce, even to drag her right in the middle of court if he didn't get rid of her. <p>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>LBs aren't the end of the world... but not sure what kind of footing you were on... if you only have phone & email contact w/ him? Have you checked out LoveBusters? Are you doing things to help you react in a more positive manner? One of the most important aspects of 'plan A' is to become strong w/ or w/out spouse... Check out "The Passionate Marriage" by Jeffrey Schnarch... many of us, in the beginning of the whole thing... are emotionally fused to our spouse... by learning to hold on to ourselves and not fall apart we meet our crucibles and grow... sometimes our spouses grow with us...<p>
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>Well he is acting like I am just believing rumors and he's Mr. innocent. Last night I was told it has been going on with "OW" all along (3 years), same length as our seperation.<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>YUCK! I'm sure this was very devastating to learn.<p>
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>WH lost his job a few days after we got into it. When i asked him what he was going to do....he responded "Just let me work this out, ok". Don't know if that was job-wise or everything in general. I shut up and simply said "Ok", I love you and I'm here if you need me. 3 days later he calls, irrate, tells me that he is sick of everyone's nose stuck in his business and he wasn't telling me where he was at. I asked him quietly and calmly: "Not even our wife" and he stated: "NO, not even you". Said he had 2 job interviews and didn't have time for this "Bul***" and hung up. It has been 12 days today, no contact and i don't know where he is. I suspect "OW" but haven't checked and not going to.
How can they switch gears like that? One week "I love you" and next week......chopped out of their life" for something 'they did".....<p>He has not said anything about a divorce. <p>Did I "blow it" for good? Why did he "CUT ME OUT OF HIS LIFE"? He can hurt and get mad but I can't?<p>He also was staying in company apt. (unless that was a lie) so he had to find somewhere to stay as weel and return company cell phone. Truck problems too. He in city about 150 miles from home. "OW" is about 80 miles from city.<p>Help...Idea's...feeling? <p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>I don't think that you have necessarily blown it... I think you trusted him and he violated that trust. All his lies unfolded onto HIM like a house of cards... HE BLEW IT... and perhaps he's HIDING because he can't face what he has done... easier to hide.<p>The decision isn't so much his as yours... <p>I would suggest professional counseling, if you aren't already... my counselor helps me work through things like this in ways I couldn't imagine...<p>Cali
