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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9 |
Hi all. I havent posted here in awhile. It has now been 12 weeks since d-day. I am having difficulties with WH affection. Things have been going pretty good considering. Maybe I am too needy but I want him to shower me with affection, make love to me every night and basically make it known that I am the most precious thing to him. I dont feel that. He tries, but I wonder if what he can give me will ever be enough. I want him to share all the things he shared with OW'S with me. Conversation, stolen kisses, affection-the intimacy. Maybe he didnt really give them that much of himself. but i can't help thinking that he is not giving me 100%. Anyone else feel this way?
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 110
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 110 |
Exactly...since I decided not to leave my H, I have been feeling so clingy and needy, and I've been trying not to act it.<p>He says A is over, he has broken contact with OW, but I'm just afraid to be apart from him at all after work. Things I used to enjoy doing with friends, I don't want to leave to do because he'd be alone and he might call her or sit and think about her or whatever. I want him to give me all his attention, but I'm afraid to ask for too much or he'll think I'm smothering him.<p>He's trying, I'm trying...but it's making me crazy...
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 1,086
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Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 1,086 |
Are you following a plan of recovery? Does your H understand the basic concepts of the Love Bank, LBs, ENs, POJA, the 4 rules, the 3 states of M, the Giver and Taker, etc.?<p>You can start there--Requesting that you read SAA together so that you can come up with a plan of recovery that cares for and protects both of you.
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 966
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Member
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 966 |
Yeah, what Conqueror said! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Also, you'll need to change your mind-set a bit... patience is the key.<p>I know after D-day, I was clingy and needy too. It felt wrong, but I "couldn't help it".<p>There's a fine balance. If WS is willing to participate, it's a good sign that they're recovering WITH you. If they're not participating... could be they're on a somewhat different schedule, they're suffering withdrawal, etc. You basically have no choice but to cut them some slack! Sad but true.
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 9 |
I am reading SUrvivng an Affair right now. WH has flipped through it. I am to the part where Dr HArley starts with the concepts of POlicy of JOint Agreement, RUle of PRotection, Etc. I will ask WH to read it with me. I am glad I am not alone in how I feel and I am also grateful that there are wonderful people like you guys out there to help guide me through this! THanks alot! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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