ok- husband and i are doing pretty good. i am learning so much about me during our healing process.<p>my question is this-we definately need to learn how to communicate better. well to be honest-he needs to learn to communicate period. i would like any and all suggestions that have worked for you or books you have read on the subject that helped.<p>please dont bring up the counseling-he still wont do it. it took him 10 yrs to open up to me.<p>so my plan is to learn everything i can and try to share it with him. he is very receptive when the things come from me.<p>i will be at work till 9:00pm tonight-i will check back later-please, this is very important, thank you.

Good Morning Nikkko,<p>There are 3 things that helped me a LOT -
1. www.lifecoachinginternational.net
I took a TAP & also did one how I thought WH would answer, then had a very inexpensive C (great man - Bill Curnow)session (just me) It helps me to know how to communicate effectively with WH. <p>2.C then reco'd I read Mars & Venus (the book for those in committed relationships<p>3. I bought the book " Difficult Conversations (on sale now at B&N for $4.98. This is the best book on this subject that I have seen. For me, this whole business is a difficult conversation cuz of all that is behind it. (Book even explains that)<p>Now I don't claim to be an expert, but even SH said, that for the limited contact WH & I have, he thinks the progress is very good. Prior to A, for years, we were not talking at all or getting angry or ignoring, or frustrated, or telling each other what to do. We have come a long way.<p>God Bless

Gosh, after 10 years,my guess is that you probably know him better than anyone in his life! And he probably would agree! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I think if you start by talking about subjects that interest him, even if you have NO interest whatsoever! Start cultivating your interest in the things he likes and talk about them, whether it's sports or his line of work, or something to do with his lifelong dreams/goals.<p>His personality is a key also. Find a personality test and see if you can get him to fill it out? So you can see how he ticks. Is he a short-range planner or a long-term goal type of thinker? What does he love? What is his passion? If it is TV, what are his favorite shows?<p>The Internet is a wealth of resources to search on various topics so I'm sure you could find some of his interests and learn about them online. I think that would be a good start.<p>Usually quiet people have something that interests them that you can get them to freely discuss. Tap into that!? Ya think???

Hi nikko,<p>I asked this same question last week. Check out my post "H's - I need your help - re: communicaton" (sorry I can't pull it up for you -don't know how to do that yet) It's on page 3, middle right now. There's alot of good advice in it.<p>H&S

thank you so much for your replies and suggestions. i will get on them now.<p>we can talk about all the stuff bintherdunthat suggests. the problem is the emotional stuff. we communicate fine about interests and everyday stuff.<p>im gonna look up the things now. thanks guys and gals.

Check out the book Getting Through to the Man You Love<p>It's done wonders for me and fits well into the MB concept. One of the things I really like about the DB material is that it's geared toward a situation in which only one of the spouses is actively trying to change/repair the marriage.<p>I’d also like to second BINthereDUNthat’s post.
I have had to learn to communicate better with my H, that’s were the DB book helped. But there was more to it then that. There was a period when it seemed we ran out of things to talk about, and relationship talk was driving him nuts. Actually it was driving me nuts too but I just as having trouble thinking of anything else to talk about.
It important that you and your H have things that are just fun and interesting to talk about. Talking about the things he likes is a very good idea.<p>When my H is out of town we spend a lot of time on the phone to stay connected. It can get hard to come up with interesting conversation. So I often search the net for topics while I’m on the phone with him. It always works.<p>Another thing that worked is using conversation starter books. I ordered several from amazon.com. We have had hours of great conversation started by those books. We do it with the kids now too… we call it the ‘1000 questions game’. Each person gets a turn to ask a question. And everyone gets a chance to answer it. Sometimes we use the books to get us started, other times we are able to think of things ourselves…. <p>Some of the questions that the kids have come up with are: “Does God laugh?”, “What is the ugliest thing you ever wore.”, “What was the stupidest thing you ever bought.”, “Who is the person you’ve wronged the most in your life and how.” And on and on.<p>On one particular day, my H and I had to make the 8 hour round trip to visit his son in the hospital. I did not look forward to it. I hate long car rides. While I was happy to have an 8-hour block where my H and I were alone together it was a time when we seemed to have run out of conversation. I brought along a few of the conversation starter books. Using the book we talked for the entire 8 hours, shared intimate things, silly things, etc about ourselves, laughed our heads off. And, in some of the answers my H gave to the questions he told me things that I’d been trying to get him to open up about. My direct questions did not work. But given a fun environment where we were both bearing our souls it just flowed from him. The trip flew by. <p>Sometimes we just get too serious. Especially when we are trying to rebuild our marriages. The important thing is to just open up conversation, fun conversation with your H. This will get the both of you talking and it will take the pressure off. If you are interested in this approach just search amazon.com for “conversation starters’’. There are many books available, pick a few that you think look interesting.<p>[ May 08, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>