Just curious...<p>How do you think the average person looks at a BS who after finding out about a A files for a DV? Just wondering if the average person looks at a BS as a failure or someone with enough intergrity not to put up with the WS actions, and move on.<p>Also...let's say it took the BS a few months to figure out that they didn't want the WS back, and then filed for a DV. Does that come across as a more sane decesion because the decesion for a DV was not made so quick?<p>thanks for the opinions.

First and foremost... don't worry about what everyone else thinks. You do what is right in your own unique situation. It is your life, you live it! No one else walks in your shoes.<p>I think the BS who files for D shows that she/he loves herself, protects herself, respects herself, trusts herself but then again a BS who stays in the M can do all those things too. If a BS files for a divorce even years later the outcome is the same... It just means you tried to recover and couldn't...it just doesn't matter what people think. you do the best job you can do with your life. You accept responsiblity for your actions and "count the costs".

I served D papers, nearly 2 years after H's PA began, 18 months after our first separation.<p>And from people's reactions, it was still pretty divided. I had said for a long time, I wanted my marriage and would do everything I could to make a reconcilation possible. A lot of people hadn't understood that. Than when I gave up, my prayer partner told me "divorce is sin, God hates sin." She was very disappointed in me. Others basically said, "what took you so long?"<p>Of course it was all even more complicated when we reconciled yet again. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . "what makes you think it will work this time."<p>I think for me, going through a time of trying was good, I knew I had done what I could, what I intended to do, and at the point of divorce, I could handle either reaction.

I agree with ILuv - it doesn't matter what other think. Every situation is different and only you can decide for you.<p>In my case, I want to be able to look back and know in my heart I did my best - I want no regrets. Hmmmm - this might be the answer I was looking for in another thread...funny how that can happen - thanks [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Yeah, I agree. I don't really care what anyone thinks. However, it does play some factor. We have a lot of mutuial friends and I just kinda wonder what would be going through their minds IF we were to DV.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by waiting and wanting:
<strong>We have a lot of mutuial friends and I just kinda wonder what would be going through their minds IF we were to DV.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Well, first of all, if you divorce, in short period of time you most likely will no longer have any mutual friends--they always seem to end up on one side or the other.<p>Second of all, why wonder? I'm guessing you're younger than I am because the older I get, the more I learn how little it matters what other people think. Seems like I read a quote somewhere recently that said: The most surprising discovery about what other people think about you is that they don't. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>No matter where you are on the problem marriage/infidelity/divorce spectrum, you will find a myriad of opinions about your situation and about what you should or should not do. Your opinion is the decisive one. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I agree with the consensus here. It is not what everyone else thinks it is what you think. As I make my daily decisions and actions (some good some bad like tonight) I have to be able to make sense of what I am doing or have done and be happy with myself.<p>In the end if you are happy with your decisions the people around you will choose to form thier own oppinions, but these belong to them and not you. I believe people will support your decisions or make thier sense of them based on your actions. If you are happy with what you have done, others can choose to accept that or create thier own reality.