Well, my XH called me the other day to apologize for everything... he felt the urge to do so. He told me I was "right" about everything.... the affair, the OW, financial mistakes during the past 12 months, etc. He admitted he focused on the negative and didn't count his blessings while we were married. The OW has shown her "true colors", although I'm not quite sure what means... I think it means she pushed him to spend money on her, and she has shown her angry outbursts (even hitting) too often. <p>He's in his own apartment, looking for a room-mate, ready to learn and grow, ready to become stronger like he knows I have, and trying to figure out how to fix his financial mess. He respects me, and asked me tons of questions - like for advice. I was cautious, but suggested that first - he learn how to be honest with HIMSELF, and with others. And I suggested he come here to at least lurk and see what others are going through and learning.<p>So, he didn't say anything about regret for the D, or wanting to get back together, but hopes we can be friends (which I am uncomfortable with [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] .... bridge to cross!...), and wanted to apologize for putting me through he!!... and he said he should have listened to me.<p>I just KNEW they were going to be fine - that they were all happy and perfect for each other - and that they would live "happily ever after" while I remain hurt and alone. <p>i post this to encourage all of you to continue what your'e doing. Affairs don't last. They are based on lies, infatuation, and fantasy. Unfortunately, we D'd before this one ended. But I have to say the satisfaction is there for ME that it didn't last. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] And even if they get back together, you can see it's doomed for failure eventually. <p>So, continue in plan A and Plan B for as long as you can. Make any needed changes in yourself - grow and learn - become stronger and more independent - because the affair won't last. Can you?<p>[ May 07, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

Wow...that must feel good that you took the high road and are doing well and the A didn't work out! I can't tell you how happy I was to read your post. It truly made my day!
CS

Based on the statistics we've read about, it's almost a given that the A's will end. But it doesn't feel real until it affects you more directly, huh? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>If you are able to do it (emotionally), I think it would be great if you could help your xH to fix himself. You're an awesome guide, and amazing friend to so many of us on here at MB. I really do hope that your xH means it when he says 'you were right'. FINALLY! The kick in the pants he's deserved for so long! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm getting the gist that you don't want him back as your H. Is that the case? Or is it just that you don't want him back the way he is now? Just curious. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

can't sleep - I'm glad I made your day!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] It's so easy feel hopeless, and to believe the WS has found "true love", and lose sight of what we're doing here at MB. <p>topie,
ummmm... welllll... uhhhhh... I don't want him back the way he is right now. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] And I'm certainly not trying to expect anything anyhoo. I basically talked with him like I would any MB'er... and that's my plan going forward for now. I certainly don't want to come across to him as "I told you so", or otherwise hateful or bitter. But I can't run to his rescue either, and deny him the oppurtunity to fly a bit on his own 2 wings. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I truly hopes he works on himself, just as I have HAD to do the past 12 months. The door is open slightly - for us to start from square one - and begin to get to know each other again... if he chooses.... one cautious step at a time.... if he's working on his issues... <p>Plus, he will have to sit butt nekkid on an ant hill to prove himself [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 07, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

Faith .. you're sooo cute! Just a dear sweet lovely woman.<p>and, ummm ..... RED ANTS, right WAT?

RED ANTS!!!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Dear Faith, <p>I am happy for this revelation. It is good news indeed. You are quite a woman to see good out of this bad situation. <p>You are also a savy woman to know that he is not in fit shape to return home. Let him prove himself. Wish I had the brains that you did back when. I paid a price for being nice and it did slow the healing process. <p>There is a shining star out thar in AL land. You have my deepest respect for your actions. You are truly an MB example to follow. <p>If your H needs MB references you can give him mine..... ahem...... just let me know in advance so I can practice being nice. Initially I would want to knock more sense into him and that may not be too good - right? <p>Oh where is that ant hill and honey?!?!?? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hugz,
L.

Faith,<p>This is awesome news and twice in one day I have read such news, (Jillybean on the DD board has a story similiar to tell) It does give hope!<p>Now I wonder, is the Lord speaking to me through this, that I chose to read these two threads today or is that just my hopeful thinking? I sit so quietly listening for the Lord and I wonder if I miss it somewhere. Our 60 day wait was up on the 5th of May and a decree could have been handed down if an agreement had been reached, it hasn't yet. I set and wait knowing that this is in the Lords hands and out of my control. I just don't want to push either WH or the Lord!!<p>Faith you will pray and know what it is that the Lord will want you to do in regards to you XH.<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 07, 2002: Message edited by: daybreak ]</p>

Faith, <p>I am so happy for you. If there is a chance that he will come around and be the person you deserve to have in your life, God will show him the way. In the meantime keep doing what you have been and take care of you. <p>I will be praying that God's will be done in your life.<p>Hugs
Sinking

So, he didn't say anything about regret for the D, or wanting to get back together, but hopes we can be friends (which I am uncomfortable with .... bridge to cross!...), and wanted to apologize for putting me through he!!... and he said he should have listened to me.<p>I just KNEW they were going to be fine - that they were all happy and perfect for each other - and that they would live "happily ever after" while I remain hurt and alone. <p><p>... and the chickens come home to roost...<p>I was feeling sad for you everytime I posted something 'good.' I want so much for my MB buddies to have their relationships and marriages restored... <p>... give him time and space... <p>and "Matthew 5:34 He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." <p>You have had great Faith...<p>hugs,
Cali

FIRE ANTS!!<p>I have been bitten by them before and it sucks bigtime. I was in the army, I was on the rifle range shooting and halfway through the pop-up targets, it occured to me that I had lain down in a nest of them. . .<p>Hey, how do you feel now about what's happened? Weird, huh? My experience with my husband's affair did not get that far, fortunately, where he completely moved in with OW and we divorced. . .but I can imagine how you must hurt. All that pain and suffering for. . .what? So that he could get to the other side of the fence, see that the grass is no greener, and for nothing.<p>I had a serious boyfriend once who had gotten another girl pregnant, ditched me after considerable tears and conflict, divorced her after six months and then started showing up at my apt; hardly repentant and I was not the least bit interested. He was wondering why I was not.<p>So I do kind of understand--after all that, why would you feel good about going back to someone who had hurt you that deeply (even if you have forgiven him and feel no animosity)<p>I am sorry. I guess the only consolation to you is that you have grown stronger and better through the experience that you have gone through. Good luck to you.

[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Wow, Faith,<p>That is great news...tho a little unsettling. I don't know if at this point I could be as nice as you. You really are an understanding person. Best wishes...Pat

I dont know how you can be so strong as to not want him back straight away - youre amazingly patient.<p>Sometimes I wish my H would take off with OW and make a mess of it all and wake up sooner, then come back. I hate to say this but although his life seems to be going great for him (I suspect hes still EA with her, although shes still with her H) with work, friends, money, business opportunities, socialising etc, I cant help but wish it wasnt so great. I feel ok about my life when hes suffering but I feel depressed when hes well. Yet I cant stand to see him hurting when he does. I hate feeling like this, I know its wrong. Guess I need to pray for my attitude to change. <p>I hope I can gain even a mustard seed size of strength like youve got.<p>Dancer

Ugh! I know... I have to agree with miserynmissouri... Your ex has disqualified himself for your friendship, IMO. I don't even think he deserves to have you as his sounding board, because some people take advantage of the good natured even in this respect...<p>I don't trust him one ounce... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Why couldn't he call someone (ANYONE) else with his "update." Seems like he was trying to feel you out to see if you would be waiting for him with open arms, maybe feel sorry for him that he got himself into a situation where he needs a roommate. Hmmmm...<p>He called you because he knows you care.<p>I'm sorry you felt like his life was all rosey and happy and your life was sad. You have so much more! You have your dignity and strength and most of all, your faith in the midst of horrible circumstances. All that has gotten you through this divorce with your head still held high, even tho you were down on the inside. God sees. He knows. He will reward you. Keep your perspective on the eternal things. This world is passing away.<p>I know your ex will be okay because I bet that you are praying for him. It just dawned on me that a good question to keep in the back of your mind whenever he calls you with another update. You can ask him, "Ohhh, what are you going to DOOO??" That automatically removes you from the equation.<p>It's funny because users always tell their sob stories so that the good person can make them an offer they can't refuse. THEN, they use the excuse that they don't owe you anything because YOU OFFERED. Don't fall for any of his traps... BE CAREFUL!!!<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] can you tell whose side I'm on?????? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

faith, I am thrilled for you! this is wonderful news... people do remarry, perhaps that is in the cards... be patient and do not expect anything from him.. you know he has to go through withdrawl..my h just got a male roommate.. well he moves in later this month... I am thrilled he is starting to act a bit normal... but still a bit crazy.. so be careful!<p>Honey

Glad to hear it, Faith1...that is good news!<p>Remember to be cautious in your approach to moving forward, if that is what you choose to do. Let him bear the burden of demonstrating he's truly sincere...actions, not words. And for enough time to make YOU feel comfortable with the sincerity.<p>Big hug!!!

Yep - the track records show that affairs end almost as surely as we know the sun will rise tomorrow.<p>Faith, you have been a model MB citizen and we should not expect that to change.<p>BTW, they're red AND black - and ruthless. Helpful hint: DO NOT attempt to destroy a fire ant mound with a weed whacker (unless, maybe, you've already sat on it butt nekkid).<p>WAT

No advise here cause you sound like you got it all together. <p>All I got to say is:<p>Another one bites the dust!...

I saw similiar threads on Divorce/Divorcing. <p>One is from RWD and one is from Jillbean. <p>I may start a new thread with nothing BUT links of A ending and regrets.

Good!