Haven't posted for myself for awhile, because I'm just trying to get on with my life as positively as I can, but some days its hard, and today, I just feel really down - tired and low and needing some relief.<p>About 4 weeks ago, i found a small lump in my breast - i went to the doctor that same day and he scheduled me to see the surgeon within 2 weeks. I saw him the 26th of April - my H came with me to the appt, which I appreciated. The surgeon said it was probably just a cyst (I have lots of fibroid cysts, and once had one that had to be aspirated - filled with fluid - no big deal) and he sent me for a mammogram - one of life's great pleasures as all you women out there know - so I had that this am. The radiographer came out afterwards and asked me when I would be seeing the dr again - i said I didn't know - in the UK, you just wait for them to tell you where to go and when - they notify you by post (mail) - she said well, he will probably want to see you again after he sees your x-rays. She was very kind and very nice, but now I'm all stressed out and worried. My dad's mother died of breast cancer and my mom's sister has had a mastectomy - she's 80 now, so that's a good sign. Both were post-menopausal cancers, and I'm 45, but I'm still worried.<p>So I got real down today - I haven't told anyone in my family at home - they all have so much on their own plates and have been so worried about me already anyway, I didn't want to add to the load. I have talked to my best friend here, who had a lump removed a couple of years ago - same doctor - he's a good doctor and I trust him. But I'm just feeling very lonely and stressed. This is all I need!<p>I just got home an hour ago, and my H asked how everything went this am - i was surprised b/c I didn't expect he would even remember - and he could see I am upset and worried, although I am trying not to be too expressive about it - he said reassuring things to me and tried to cheer me up, which I appreciate. <p>I have been working hard on being positive and trying to look after my own life. If I list what I have done, can you give me a pat on the back or offer some constructive advice?<p>First, my H - I have made it my policy to compliment him at least once a day on something I appreciate about him - something he does well, something he does for me, something I admire him for. I do this even when I'm mad at him, or feeling resentful or anxious. I do this no matter what, and I haven't missed a day, since 4 April.<p>I have also decided that I need to do things with him, to keep him relating to me one-to-one, even if we don't talk. So I've decided to play games with him. He likes playing backgammon - used to play with me when we first got married. So I got out the board last week and looked up the rules on the Internet - he had almost forgotten how to play, but leapt at the chance - since then, we've played several times - on Monday, I was feeling low and I told him it would help me feel better if he would play with me - and he again played very willingly - and I DID feel better. It makes me feel better that he wants to play something one-to-one with me. Last night, he got out the board himself for the first time - and he didn't go out like I thought he was going to - in fact - yesterday, he had a counselling appointment (3rd) and he seemed quite down in the afternoon - he said he wanted to go out to do his organ practice last night (he's an organist - and Tues nite is the nite he always went out with OW, after he had "finished" his practice in the church). But I told him I was going to my choir rehearsal, so he had to stay home and babysit. He was irritated, but didn't say anything. I thought he would go out after I got home (he has done this before in order to see her) but he didn't - he stayed home and played backgammon with me. He also likes to play "boules" - a French game - summer is coming, so we can get out that set again soon. Another friend of mine tells me he and his wife play Scrabble. (Let's start a Board Game Club for BS Fighting Back!) <p>I'm also thinking of learning back massage - my aromatherapist says she will make me an oil which makes you want to keep coming back to smell it. She suggests massaging his back with this every other day - he will like the smell and only smell it on me, and when he gets massaged by me - she says that's the true meaning of an aphrodisiac - it's not that it's stimulating - it's that it makes you want to smell it again as soon as you are away, so it keeps drawing you back - and you want that smell to be associated with you. Devious, huh? Anybody laughing yet?<p>For me, I have made a list of all the things I think I should be doing every day - a checklist - and I am trying to do them - starting to do OK on this - keeps me on track - career development every day is on this list.<p>Gotta go now - H finishing downstairs - feeling a little better now that I've posted.<p>Prayers for all my friends here - I'm keeping tabs on you!<p>Odile
P.S. I posted on Dreamland's thread - he's v down today, and needs some help. He thinks I said I'm pregnant - I'm not!

Hey, Odile,<p>Sorry you are feeling down. I am also concerned for you. The only thing you can do right now is wait for your Dr.'s visit. Try to think positive thoughts. My sister recently went through a scare similar to yours. It turned out to be nothing, but was very concerning for her and us. It is good that your H is very concerned. My sister's H acted like it wasn't even an issue -- he didn't even ask her what the Dr. said.<p>I think the board games idea is a great one. By doing this you are filling some of your H's ENs and probably some of your own as well (RC, Conversation, etc.). My H got a Play Station after he move back home and we have really enjoyed playing it together. He plays and I coach him and cheer him on and vice versa. I think these things are really fun together. We also like to play Scrabble. We just ordered a couple of other board games from the internet that I remember playing from my childhood -- PoKeno and Mille Bourne. I think we will enjoy them.<p>You relly have made a lot of progress, Odile. A top EN for most men is RC. Concentrate on this, this will give him a reason to stay home with you or hang out with you instead of the OW. Probably, gradually the contact will taper off if he keeps wanting to spend time with you instead of her.<p>Keep up the good work. Focus on all the positive things you have done -- I can see the good work you have done. You are a better, stronger person than you were before.<p>Let us know as soon as you know anything. We will keep you in our prayers.<p>FHO

odile,<p>I am sorry about thinking you were pregnant. My brain is mush most of the time now. I think I read Bad Day as Baby. Did I tell you I wear glasses and this morning I was not wearing them. Sorry again.<p>I was prety selfish this morning. I just read your post and felt prety bad about my post. You are going through so much more than I am now. May God take care of you and bless you. <p>What you are doing with your H are great ideas. I think I need to take some lessons from you here. The compliments are a real plus. Guys love to play strategy games, especially if you occassionally let him win. My wife always beats me at backgammon, and the bad part is I am not letting her. Back massages will do wonders to win him over. When my wife gives me a back massage, I feel loved for days.<p>I will try the list idea. I have a hard time being consistant and actively searching for new things to try to do better at Plan A<p>Good luck, and sorry about the pregnant thing.

Thanks so much you guys - you guys are all so great! I know I'd be in a complete mess without the help I have gotten from this forum.<p>I feel a little better - just have to try not to worry.<p>FHO - thanks so much for checking up on me - yeah, the RC is a BIG need - and I'm glad to hear you confirm that this is a good way to win his attention back. Tonight he has been really kind and has challenged me to a backgammon tournament, so I think I'm doing good here! Dreamland - he's better than me, so it's good for him to play me - and he loves to retell the story about the time I lost my temper in our first year of marriage and scattered the pieces all over the table after I lost for the umpteenth time! At least there's one time when he finds my temper was funny!
I don't get mad like that anymore - my biggest LB!<p>Dreamland - you weren't being selfish AT ALL. You are hurting legitimately - that's a completely different thing. You come here and post whatever and whenever you feel like it. These boards are for YOU. I'm sure you are going to get a grip on things soon - thanks so much for the input - it always helps to know from a man whether I'm doing something right - oh, also - have you read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - and Mars and Venus Together Forever - I'm reading them now and they are really helping me understand my H's behaviour better, so i don't pressure him, or approach him the wrong way - they're also helping me understand myself better. Maybe they would help you, too. Lots of people swear by them.<p>Will keep you in my prayers.<p>FHO - sounds like things are going good with you? Way to go!<p>Odile

Hi,<p>I am sorry for the anxiety you are experiencing over what the radiographer said. Over here, she would be in trouble for saying anything like that to a patient. Our medical test administrators are not supposed to say anything about what they detect. That's left to the doctors.<p>How long is the typical wait time for the doctor? Are the results sent to the doctor promptly? Do you get bumped up on the list is your case warrants it?<p>///back
Those are pats on the back in case you couldn't tell. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Once you made changes, your H changed, right? So you are doing well. You have a couple of weeks to go before departure day for OW. Keep on doing what you are doing.<p>I'm sorry about your bad day. Hope you get to see the doctor very soon so your questions can be answered.<p>{{{odile}}}<p>Estes

Odile,<p>Hi! Yes, things are going well. We still occasionally have down days, but most of them are up and my H is being truly wonderful -- the model FWS. He has turned from the alien back into the man I know and love -- only better, because he has a better understanding of himself and me.<p>Been super busy -- finals this week and next for law school. I think it is terrific that you have a plan for your own economic independence. This is something every woman should have. This way, you will never feel that you had to stay with your H for economic reasons -- you will know that you truly love your H and did everything you could to make your M work, without any financial reasons. No matter what happens, you will feel better and more confident knowing that you can take care of yourself and your children. I know this an area of my life that I am proud of. I have worked very hard to succeed in my career and am now doing things to become even more successful.<p>Let me know how things are going with you. Keep up the good work in Plan A. Try to think of other things that you and your H used to do when you were dating that he really enjoyed and then do them together. That RC can really deposit a lot of LB$ for men -- kind of like when they bring us presents (chocolate, flowers, etc.) out of the blue.<p>FHO

I want to know what the name of that massage oil is, and where I can get it!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]