I have been married for 3.5 years. We have a wonderfull 15month old son. Two months ago my husband told me that he was no longer in love with me and that he has been struggling with that for about 1 year. I was completelly shocked by the news. One month ago I found out that he was in love with someone at work. He told me that they only talked and that is how they fell in love. They have never been out together or anything like that. I do believe him. I also recently found out that I have mild depression(postpardum). This has affected the moods I was in. I am on a mild medication for it.
I am so confused. I love him soooo much and don't want to loose him. We have been together for 10 years in all. I was just 17 and he was 16.
We are best friends. He still huggs me an kisses me for me he says. We still do stuff together but he says that he does not feel what a husband should for a wife. I don't want to loose him. He has recently told me that he would like to seperate for a while. I would go home to be with my familly with my son and leave my husband at home alone for one month. I don't know if that is a good idea. Sorry this is long but I just don't know what to do. It feels like my life is falling apart.<p>[ May 08, 2002: Message edited by: angieB26 ]</p>

Angie,
I'm so sorry you find yourself here.<p>The things your H is saying about not loving you, being in love with someone else whom he has been spending time with is very common to how affairs start. <p>Read everything you can on this site about Plan A, and do it. Plan A is a way of changing the things about you that need changing and keeping yourself strong and at the point where reconciliation is possible for you.<p>It is likely if you separate that the A will turn physical, if it hasn't already. Once the "love" talk starts, the PA usually isn't far behind.<p>Separation isn't necessarily the end, my H & I were separated 7 times, 14 out of 21 months when he had his PA with his co-worker. Co-worker affairs are difficult to end as they continue to work together, the contact, even if it is conversation, continues, and the feelings can reignite, even if the wayward spouse is trying to stay in the marriage.<p>But, your H hasn't left the house yet, so Plan A while he is in the house. It's a positive sign that he still talks to you, considers you a friend (even though you are a WIFE), hugs & kisses you. Those things indicate he hasn't really made up his mind that he's going to end your marriage.<p>I would also say, that if he wants to separate, you shouldn't be the one to leave your home, he should.

Hi Angie,<p>Welcome to MB. Your story is all too familar. There is no 100% fix. This is not a one sided fix. In order to have recovery there must be full participation by all in the family. <p>What to do? For now, you need to make yourself stronger. You need to reevaluate your situation. There is a questionnaire called the emotional needs questionnaire. It is located under the concepts section at the top of this page. Fill it out. See if your H will. <p>Some of his needs are currently being met by an OW. What is that person like? If you are strong enough to handle that info, it may be helpful to know how to proceed. <p>Know this. You can NOT control your H's actions. He is out there in what we call the 'fog', acting and saying crazy illogical things. He may even act so out of character that you may feel you do not even know him. Some WS have a mild to wild form of this fog. The type of OP they are with also influences their behavior. They often act like a spoiled child who wants more than their share. <p>He may even blame you for his faults. Take what is yours but no more. Do not accept his blame for things he has done to you, the baby or himself. <p>That is why it is important to strengthen you. Do you have a counselor? STeve and Jennifer offer phone counseling. Talking will help. Right meds will help. Talk with your OB/GYN also. If there has been PA between them, you will need to both be tested for STD. Not to scare you but you have no idea what type of OP this is and no matter how good or clean he says she is, she is already dirty. <p>Read up and post back to us. Posting helps the santity. <p>Take Care,
L.

Hi Karry, I completely know what you are going thru. My H and i have been together for 13 years. We have been together since highschool... We have been married for 9 years.
Reciently my H told me the same thing about not loving me anymore. He feel numb towards me.
The only thing I can tell you is that separation may or maynot help. See on one hand it may bring you closer together and on the other hand it may drive you further apart. Now if yo leave do you trust him completely to be alone in the house and not cheat on you? Because my H cheated on me he had to go away on business for 6 months and he messed around on me. So let me tell you from experience that they are MEN and they will always tell you what you want to hear not what you really want to hear. Do i make sense. But, has he told you why he dosent love you or how you have changed? Ask him that. See what he has to say.
I dont know if i helped you or not. I hope atleast i gave you something to think about.. Dont leave. It only makes it worse... I am going thru that now dont know if I want him to stay or if i want him to go. He has been gone for 15 months. So there is going to be a big adjustment when he comes home next week.. well take care karry... sisi