Something I just posted prompted me to think about this. When you think back on the time when you didn't know A was going on, do you remember changes that SHOULD have been noticed?<p>Three years ago is when my H's A started.<p>Three years ago he started using tobacco again, after having quit for 5 years.<p>Three years ago, he quit going with me to visit my family for holidays, etc. (they live far away, but he had always gone before).<p>Sometime in the past 3 years, he quit wearing underwear. Said they were uncomfortable. <p>In the past three years, has done self-destructive things a lot.<p>Some of these things I didn't even think about. Some, I noticed but didn't know what to do about. I'd ask, he'd be defensive. Now, I know what the problem was. Weird, now that I think about it, that I didn't realize we were having more than just "minor" problems.

working later...phone always busy...<p>plugging cel phone into a charger in the guest room<p>clearing the received and dialed call buffers...<p>using a phone card...<p>telling me how he was doing with his job...<p>too tired for almost anything and walking away from good night kisses...<p>hugging from side instead of from front...<p>justifications for calling OM<p>sudden blowups and depressions...<p>constant threats that if such and such ever happened again, "I will walk away and never come back."<p>conversations that make no sense...to NO conversations...this from a woman that convos are like breathing...<p>all of this meant I was being replaced by someone else...and I was in denial.

Started listening to different music: Really got into to 70's rock instead of Christian rock <p>Avoided my family like the plague.<p>"Got tired" of being on usher/security team at church.<p>"Got tired" of church, in general. <p>Started to work more overtime at night, but couldn't be reached on radio...hmmm (H is a cop)<p>Suddenly had "mandatory meetings" to go to for work.<p>Was irritated by everything our kids did, and hated to spend time with us at home.<p>Stopped asking me to meet him for lunch (of course, OW-wanna-be was always there -- duh)<p>Decided to co0coach a girls softball team?!? We didn't even HAVE a kid on the team! (Found out OW-wanna-be best friend asked him to, and OW-wanna-be was always there) <p>
<sigh> I could go on and on...I'm sure my H could make a list of his own about me, too, tho. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>at peace (finally!)

working later...phone always busy...<p>plugging cel phone into a charger in the guest room<p>clearing the received and dialed call buffers...<p>using a phone card...<p>telling me how he was doing with his job...<p>too tired for almost anything and walking away from good night kisses...<p>hugging from side instead of from front...<p>justifications for calling OM<p>sudden blowups and depressions...<p>constant threats that if such and such ever happened again, "I will walk away and never come back."<p>conversations that make no sense...to NO conversations...this from a woman that convos are like breathing...<p>all of this meant I was being replaced by someone else...and I was in denial.