I'm here trying save the marriage and she gonna hit me with this. This is so quick...she protecting OM who a Marine. Now she denying they even had an affair because of him. How do I get proof now. What am i gonna do?

not much you can do but wait and see if she files for divorce and serves you with papers. get a good lawyer. protect yourself. of course she is denying the affair to protect him and his job. once you two are divorced she can freely live with him, well, actually, all she would need is a legal separation from you as far as the military is concerned.

get LEGAL advice, see what her grounds are, etc...
i know you want to fight for you marriage, but this might be the best thing. thank god you don't have kids.

mlhb

should i give up???

Oh no, don't give up. It is far from over.

Did you get your papers?

i'm not saying to give up. i am saying to wait. see if she actually serves them. in the mean time, get some good legal advice from a good lawyer.

i know you love your wife and want this to work. and it ain't over til it's over. HOWEVER, speaking from my own experience, someone who cheats after less than one year of marriage... and you say she never cheated before. why is it that she does it now that you are married? i think marriage was a big reality check for her. when you are just dating or living together there is always that option to walk away if you want to. to break it off and see other people. marriage is permanent, or at least it is supposed to be. maybe that reality frightened her. i know you have been together a long time but before marriage there was always that option to walk away. marriage for some is scarey and stifling.

i just do not think it is a good sign this cheating so early on in marriage. i never would have dreamed of it in the first year or 2 of marriage. that is when things are supposed to be the happiest.

you have a long road ahead of you i think with this woman if you choose to fight the divorce and stay married.

i am all for fighting for marriage but i would have found this to be beyond devastating if my h had cheating on me during our first year! God gives you an out when there is infidelity. fight all you can so you can loook in the mirror and say you did all you could, than get the heck out if she doesn't want to come home. you are so young to deal with a lifetime of this.

mlhb

You got the papers?

She wanted some info from me and I told her if she wanted anything from me then tell her lawyer...she responded with i can't afford one...i don't think i want her back just not going to give in and gonna wait a little so i can catch her and om together so i can bust him

I lost my temper and said things i now regret but she doesn't want to meet me now so i want to write a letter. Should I?

one more thing what is Plan D???

This is what i kinda want to say...anything else i should add or change to it.

This letter is to apologize for the way I acted yesterday evening. It was not my intentions for us to leave on such bad terms. It was my fault and in the heat of the moment I said things that I now regret. Anger was always in issue for me and once again I showed you a side of me that I do not wish for you to see.

plan d is plan divorce.
the letter will mean nothing to her, do not grovel just don't let it happen again.
if she cannot afford a lawyer how does she intend to file?
just live your life, let her see you are moving on and not pining for her. (i don't mean moving on by dating, just living your life the best you can) let her think you are living and working and life goes on. don't contact her anymore, let her contact you if she wants something.

i would tell her this and then end contact, just say, "you know i love you and you know i will do whatever it takes to save this marriage. however, i am moving on with my life. i am going to live and work and grow. i am not going to discuss this marriage with you anymore. the door is open when you are ready to talk."

end it at that and put the ball in her court.
and go on with your life.

mlhb

Do not put anything in writing to her. Especially do not apologize to her and do not apologize to her about a temper. Remember that anything you put in writing to a wayward spouse right now--imagine that piece of writing being read by a judge in court re divorce procedings.
Lake

Do not put anything in writing to her. Especially do not apologize to her and do not apologize to her about a temper. Remember that anything you put in writing to a wayward spouse right now--imagine that piece of writing being read by a judge in court re divorce procedings.
Lake

In other words, this is all just empty talk. It almost always is.

OM might have second thoughts and decide that she is not worth the trouble. He will be afraid that you will talk to his command again, and will most likely move on.

Stop LB'ing, and make a nice life for yourself. This stuff takes time.

I mean I went off the deep end on this one...I said some things that were true but she wasn't suppose to hear them I was so mad that I wasn't thinking straight anymore. That is not the impression I wanted her to now see me as...does that make sense.

Then you need to apologize. You are your own worst enemy when you start LB'ing. All that does is confirm for her that she doesn't want to be with you. It is probably best not to discuss the relationship if you can't control your mouth. I was like you, and used to let it fly. Doesn't help the marriage at all.

Yea i want to aplogoize but don't know what to say i mean is my letter a start i want to keep it simple.

i think you should keep it simple and reply as i stated you should. put it in a letter is you like, but look at my previous post to you. just add that you would like to apologize for you outburst and that it won't happen again. then say what i suggested (those are words right from my counselors mouth when i was going through this with my ex) and move on with your life.

mlhb

Got dem divorce papers yet?

no not yet

oh dear. Could it be that this was an..............EMPTY THREAT??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I AM SO SHOCKED THAT A WS LIED!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

She had some kind of papers for me to fill out...she wanted my driver license # and how my name is on my birth cert. Said this starts the D process

In other words, she has nothing except a whole lot of TALK. She printed some papers off the internet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Don't fill out anything or give her any #s. Just tell her you aren't interested and won't cooperate in any divorce schemes. NO THANKEE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yea thats what i said...well told her if she wanted me to fill anything out then get her lawyer to call me

I have so many emotions right now I still lover her but when she is doing this my love is slowly going away

namese, your thread title was changed to "wife tried to give me divorce papers 4-20-07." What happened?? Were you served by the sheriff last night?

No just thought it was better than "wife gonna give me D papers today" just trying to keep it updated...she is so MAD right now..lol

LOL You stirred up the hornets nest, you bad boy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

That I did. Hopefully she sees this is not what she wants but time will tell.

I can't sleep!!! This is eating me up inside.

Well they still sneaking off together...haven't talk to her since the 20th. Think I got myself in Plan B...she said she not seeing me anymore.

Plan B is for you, not the WS. Is your mind and heart in sync yet?

L.

I'm so lost on what to do...I'm hurting and she out there with him.

Get proof and show it to his CO!

if she has left her husband and "says" she is in the process of filing for divorce i do not see how this is going to harm om's career. all his co is gonna want to know is that her marriage is being disolved. if it is then i do not believe they are going to give om a hard time.

i am telling you, mine got a slap on the wrist for it, that was it. she is not military, if she was a marine too i think it would be a whole other story. i still think it was worth me telling my exes co but other than it showing them he has a sleazy character, nothing else happened to him as far as i know. like i said, he bring ow to military functions for crying out loud.

she has left her h and is not living with om. i don't think any of this is going to matter to the military at all.

nem, just keep living your life. leave the door open for her to come and talk to you. otherwise, leave her be. when you are around her, be in plan a and show her what she is missing but otherwise be indifferent. she won't be able to stand it that you don't care anymore.

mlhb

mlhb,

The OM has been given a cease and decist order from his CO barring him from having any contact with OM. Get evidence of continued contact and forward it to his CO.

So Jim even though she wants a divorce I can still bust him for seeing my wife.

Follow up with his CO. Sounds like OM hasn't had enough of you yet.

Gonna take it all the way to the top if I have to.

YES

But get some proof if you can.

Think my WW is staying at OM house

Get proof and send it to his CO. NOW!

Does anyone know how much a decent PI would cost???

Tonight she text me asking for my DL number...haven't heard from her in ten days then this.

She mad because I won't give her things back...the things I bought for her. We had a joint account but when I found out I took my money elsewhere and now she doesn't have much left and is mad telling me I need to write her a check to cover "our" expenses.

You are under no ethical or moral obligation to finance her affair. She can underwrite her own madness. Don't be used.

Larry

She called again...i didn't pick up but she left a message. I'm out of town she just wanted to know who was taking care of "our" dog. I wanted to call her back but have to stay strong but this plan B is real hard.

Is it normal to start having bad/hate feeling for WW in plan B???