I'm here trying save the marriage and she gonna hit me with this. This is so quick...she protecting OM who a Marine. Now she denying they even had an affair because of him. How do I get proof now. What am i gonna do?

not much you can do but wait and see if she files for divorce and serves you with papers. get a good lawyer. protect yourself. of course she is denying the affair to protect him and his job. once you two are divorced she can freely live with him, well, actually, all she would need is a legal separation from you as far as the military is concerned.

get LEGAL advice, see what her grounds are, etc...
i know you want to fight for you marriage, but this might be the best thing. thank god you don't have kids.

mlhb

should i give up???

Oh no, don't give up. It is far from over.

Did you get your papers?

i'm not saying to give up. i am saying to wait. see if she actually serves them. in the mean time, get some good legal advice from a good lawyer.

i know you love your wife and want this to work. and it ain't over til it's over. HOWEVER, speaking from my own experience, someone who cheats after less than one year of marriage... and you say she never cheated before. why is it that she does it now that you are married? i think marriage was a big reality check for her. when you are just dating or living together there is always that option to walk away if you want to. to break it off and see other people. marriage is permanent, or at least it is supposed to be. maybe that reality frightened her. i know you have been together a long time but before marriage there was always that option to walk away. marriage for some is scarey and stifling.

i just do not think it is a good sign this cheating so early on in marriage. i never would have dreamed of it in the first year or 2 of marriage. that is when things are supposed to be the happiest.

you have a long road ahead of you i think with this woman if you choose to fight the divorce and stay married.

i am all for fighting for marriage but i would have found this to be beyond devastating if my h had cheating on me during our first year! God gives you an out when there is infidelity. fight all you can so you can loook in the mirror and say you did all you could, than get the heck out if she doesn't want to come home. you are so young to deal with a lifetime of this.

mlhb

You got the papers?

She wanted some info from me and I told her if she wanted anything from me then tell her lawyer...she responded with i can't afford one...i don't think i want her back just not going to give in and gonna wait a little so i can catch her and om together so i can bust him

I lost my temper and said things i now regret but she doesn't want to meet me now so i want to write a letter. Should I?

one more thing what is Plan D???

This is what i kinda want to say...anything else i should add or change to it.

This letter is to apologize for the way I acted yesterday evening. It was not my intentions for us to leave on such bad terms. It was my fault and in the heat of the moment I said things that I now regret. Anger was always in issue for me and once again I showed you a side of me that I do not wish for you to see.

plan d is plan divorce.
the letter will mean nothing to her, do not grovel just don't let it happen again.
if she cannot afford a lawyer how does she intend to file?
just live your life, let her see you are moving on and not pining for her. (i don't mean moving on by dating, just living your life the best you can) let her think you are living and working and life goes on. don't contact her anymore, let her contact you if she wants something.

i would tell her this and then end contact, just say, "you know i love you and you know i will do whatever it takes to save this marriage. however, i am moving on with my life. i am going to live and work and grow. i am not going to discuss this marriage with you anymore. the door is open when you are ready to talk."

end it at that and put the ball in her court.
and go on with your life.

mlhb

Do not put anything in writing to her. Especially do not apologize to her and do not apologize to her about a temper. Remember that anything you put in writing to a wayward spouse right now--imagine that piece of writing being read by a judge in court re divorce procedings.
Lake

Do not put anything in writing to her. Especially do not apologize to her and do not apologize to her about a temper. Remember that anything you put in writing to a wayward spouse right now--imagine that piece of writing being read by a judge in court re divorce procedings.
Lake

In other words, this is all just empty talk. It almost always is.

OM might have second thoughts and decide that she is not worth the trouble. He will be afraid that you will talk to his command again, and will most likely move on.

Stop LB'ing, and make a nice life for yourself. This stuff takes time.

I mean I went off the deep end on this one...I said some things that were true but she wasn't suppose to hear them I was so mad that I wasn't thinking straight anymore. That is not the impression I wanted her to now see me as...does that make sense.

Then you need to apologize. You are your own worst enemy when you start LB'ing. All that does is confirm for her that she doesn't want to be with you. It is probably best not to discuss the relationship if you can't control your mouth. I was like you, and used to let it fly. Doesn't help the marriage at all.

Yea i want to aplogoize but don't know what to say i mean is my letter a start i want to keep it simple.

i think you should keep it simple and reply as i stated you should. put it in a letter is you like, but look at my previous post to you. just add that you would like to apologize for you outburst and that it won't happen again. then say what i suggested (those are words right from my counselors mouth when i was going through this with my ex) and move on with your life.

mlhb

Got dem divorce papers yet?