H won't follow POJA - 01/23/03 12:32 AM
When my husband and I married over a year ago, it was with the understanding and agreement (or so I thought) that we would be equal partners in marriage. Now, after months of arguments, I have discovered that the underlying and very basic disagreement is this: my husband is a Seventh Day Adventist and believes quite literally in the Bible when it says that men are the lords of their homes and that wives must be submissive to their husbands.
He says we do have a 50/50 marriage, except when a decision needs to be made right away or when we disagree - then he will make the decision because he's the man. He clearly believes that being the man makes him superior and dominant.
We were reading "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" in an effort to learn how to resolve conflict and it was helping us, until he began laughing at the Policy of Joint Agreement. He said that no matter what it says in the book, he believes the Bible and the Bible says he is the boss. I absolutely, definitely, will not accept this. I won't be controlled, manipulated, bullied, or degraded. I need to be able to discuss and come to joint agreements with my husband, but it seems impossible with the position he is taking. (He says I can talk about anything with him, as long as it isn't something petty or stupid that will make him mad. Of course I never know what will make him mad until after he throws his tantrum.)
This situation does not seem to have a resolution! He is adamant that he is the boss, and I will not stay in a marriage that does not respect me as an equal partner. We are separated now, seeing each other often and trying to work on the marriage as we do still love each other, but he prefers to bury his head in the sand and not discuss any of the problems.
Does anyone have any ideas about how to resolve this seemingly unresolvable problem?
He says we do have a 50/50 marriage, except when a decision needs to be made right away or when we disagree - then he will make the decision because he's the man. He clearly believes that being the man makes him superior and dominant.
We were reading "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" in an effort to learn how to resolve conflict and it was helping us, until he began laughing at the Policy of Joint Agreement. He said that no matter what it says in the book, he believes the Bible and the Bible says he is the boss. I absolutely, definitely, will not accept this. I won't be controlled, manipulated, bullied, or degraded. I need to be able to discuss and come to joint agreements with my husband, but it seems impossible with the position he is taking. (He says I can talk about anything with him, as long as it isn't something petty or stupid that will make him mad. Of course I never know what will make him mad until after he throws his tantrum.)
This situation does not seem to have a resolution! He is adamant that he is the boss, and I will not stay in a marriage that does not respect me as an equal partner. We are separated now, seeing each other often and trying to work on the marriage as we do still love each other, but he prefers to bury his head in the sand and not discuss any of the problems.
Does anyone have any ideas about how to resolve this seemingly unresolvable problem?