After our D, I went to divorce recovery class at my large church. There were several hundred people attending. One day our group leader said he wanted us to bow our heads to see why we were all there.


99 percent of us raised our hands that we were there because of INFIDELITY. So the majority were getting divorces, almost all in fact, because of cheating.

So let me help you out when you hear of people divorcing. I'll give the lame reasons why people divorce and you can also get the REALITY translation as to their "why".

Get ready. My list is coming in the next post!

1)We GREW apart.
Truth translation: Yea we sure did grow apart. It was hard to stay married when I was living outside of the house with my mistress, having an affair for six months. But before my affair we were fine. (hint: this was DARTH'S EXCUSE!)

2)We quit BEING FRIENDS.
Truth translation: Of course we're not friends now. I mean I have been dating his best friend behind my husbands' back. I cannot obviously be a good friend to my husband if I'm doing that right?

3)We weren't INTIMATE anymore.
Truth translation: That was because I was intimate with my MM and felt that I was actually cheating on my husband. Sure my husband wanted to have sf with me, but he had no idea I was sleeping with another man.

4)She is a Lousy HOUSEKEEPER/COOK/MOTHER/FILL IT IN:
Truth translation: Her food is fine, and the house is usually ok, but since she found out about my girlfriend, she has been really depressed and hasn't lifted a mop or a pan in three weeks.

5)He is really VIOLENT/Has ANGER ISSUES towards me!
Truth translation: He raised his voice at me and yelled. Imagine the nerve of him! Yelling at me like that when he found out about the affair I'd been having with my boss at work. It made him really mad! The nerve of my husband!

6)She has really let HERSELF GO!
Truth translation: We've been married 30 years and she's no longer a hot 20 yo. But she's a lovely older lady. But she is NOT a hot 20 yo like the skank I am schtupping behind her back.

7)My husband DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ME:
Truth translation: My husband doesn't understand me anymore and so I shut him out. Who REALLY DOES understand me is the guy in accounting in the next building who I am sleeping around with. He really understands and "gets" me. I'm moving in with him next week!

Now add in some other imaginary reasons and then put the TRUTH TRANSLATION in!

We need to educate the new betrayed posters and also enlighten the foggy ones here about the lame reasons we hear as to why people are getting divorced.

Note to waywards, PEOPLE REALLY DO UNDERSTAND that you're not telling the truth. Can we just get that out in the open now? NOBODY believes what you're saying!!!

8) It JUST WASN'T MEANT TO BE!
*Truth Translation; How could it be, when I've found my SOULMATE SCHMOOPIE?!?!?

9)My husband JUST WASN'T THERE FOR ME!
*Truth Translation; I mean, he was there, like physically there every day... within arms reach. But he just would not pay attention to my barrage of Disrespectful Judgements, Angry Outbursts, and Selfish Demands! And OM? Well, all he does is good stuff, since - you know - he doesn't have to live with me. So he does everything right!

Great thread!!!

My WH decided to give a range of reasons to me, family and friends so I have heard a lot... I think he was trying to target his audience as to what they would believe.

"I love you but I'm not in love with you". This classic translates as "I've now found someone I do love", OW makes me feel all giddy like a teenager again. There are variations on this one (and I heard most of them) such as "We are best friends but that is all I feel", etc. All mean OW is the one I am "in love" with.

"I am no longer sexually attracted to you". This translates to OW is the one I want now, and in some sort of warped moral code I don't want my wife to meet this need, OW will do that. This is an interesting one, because I found when it was said to me WH would not let me get physically close to him in any way... almost like he did not want to test this "theory" of his. And when his resolve weakened, he had to quickly throw this theory out the window. So then it became "Sex isn't everything". Pity the WS's confused thinking huh? Justify, justify, JUSTIFY!

"I haven't been happy for x amount of years, I've been miserable with you". But I didn't leave you or tell you about this, or do anything about it really. Not until I started shagging OW. And for half of those miserable x years we were having a fantastic time travelling the world, and we had a great time together... maybe I have only been miserable to a couple of years... a couple of months... I'll change this according to who I am speaking with and whatever mood I'm in. And I have been nominated for an Oscar cause I had everyone fooled, think I might move to Hollywood with OW.

"We got married too young". The easiest excuse in the book if telling this to someone who expressed concern about getting married young. But being blissfully happy and even admitting to this for the majority of the marriage does not matter,because right now, I want to sow my oats elsewhere. And lets overlook the fact that OW is now the same age as when I got married...

"I just need some time and space to figure out what I want. I need to find myself". Mmmm, could you just give me time and space to have an affair, I am sure to find myself in the arms of OW.

"You've changed, you are really negative". I don't want to live in reality, it is too hard with money worries, job hunting, moving countries, family illnesses... OW makes me feel invincible! And am I worried about you having a hard time of it lately, should I suggest counselling, ask for family support, suggest you go to a doctor... no, I am too self-absorbed for this; an affair is most certainly the solution to your negativity.

Well, they were the ones I heard. Consistency may not be my WH's strong point?

Oh you forgot the best one from WWs.

10)MY HUSBAND IS TOO CONTROLLING

Translation, ever since he found out I was having an affair, my husband has been keeping tabs on me, I don't deserve that.

Good additions!

And YES Scotland, that is a biggie from the ww's out there. Although after I had d day with my xwh, he also announced I too, was "too controlling" of him.

Here is the stupid version of that I got:

Darth: She was SO controlling of me!
Truth translation: She demanded she see my cell phone and my internet and wanted to see if I contacted Monkeyho, my skank, after our affair was discovered. It made it HARD TO CHEAT after that. Well not that hard, but harder than it was before.

Yep. This one is a classic. Good translation.

I love this thread.

You know, miraculously, I never heard that - though admittedly I feared it.

Even after I revealed that I had been snooping.

Would you believe I got not a single AO on; snooping, my tic-tac sized exposure... any of it?

HHH, I got minimal AO on my exposure too... just a text denying affair, and a conversation a few weeks later again denying it is an affair and calmly expressing annoyance about exposure. Initially I thought this was due to having no impact on him or affair, but now I think on some level my WH knows my actions are for the right motives of saving marriage. He just can't admit it to himself consciously.

you just dont trust me anymore

translation : your making it very difficult to contact OM/OW with all of your snooping

THAT'S the one my Wife used most of the time!!


I got a HUGE AO from the WW about 2 weeks after D-Day when I blew up the "A" !!!!
Now she won't return emails or calls or texts.
P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E

Almost everyone of these have come out my WH's mouth.

It just reassures me I am not crazy and he is in a active affair no matter how much he tries to deny deny deny!!!!

Sad part is these are ALL reasons given every day IITL, when poor, UNSUSPECTING spouses are knocked down by the words "I want a divorce or I want to separate" and then are given these reasons why.

Do you realize the MAJORITY of people who hear these words, do not investigate the "why" and do not snoop or try to put 2 + 2 together? They do not have a plan nor a way out.

That's why every person here in the midst of this now, or who has heard these words uttered is FAR BETTER OFF than they realize.

But let's keep them coming!

Let's hear the reason your ws has given as to why they would either want to divorce or separate.

Poor waywards. They think their little skanky affair is sooo special. Sad part is it is not. We've heard it all before. Seen everything almost before. Nothing new. Just two very entitled, very selfish grown ups acting like pigs rutting in dirt.

11) I NEED TO FIND MYSELF.

Translation: I am lost in the fog and cannot even find my own butt in the dark.


Schoolbus

12) OW has integrity. She refuses to date married men.

Translation: I have to divorce you first and she will date me, and we can make our sordid affair legit.

Luckily I have exposed this awful affair to both of their families, all their military colleagues (includes generals, commanders, and the ARMY IG as well)

"I married you for legal reasons, so we could emigrate"
Umm, I know this DID NOT feature in my very romantic proposal, but it makes me feel less guilty to spin our marriage as some sort of business arrangement

"You just aren't happy with me any more, you just don't want to admit it".
Please stop making me feel guilty. If I tell you that YOU aren't happy, I dont have to give you any reasons for why I am not happy with you - because I dont have any and I want to blame you.

"All of a sudden, I don't want children. I dont want to hold you back though as I know you do".
Blimey I dont want there to be more people in this house making me feel guilty. Plus I doubt Id be a very good dad if I am still shagging mummys friend.

Yea Indie, those are the kind our readers might just get but not know what is really BEHIND those cutting words.

It seems to me that their words usually do this when they spit out the very stupid excuses for wanting either a separation or divorce:
1)they choose reasons to exonerate them and save themselves from guilt or APPEARING the guilty party
2)they blame the betrayed spouse (who does not know they are a betrayed spouse)for arcane or stupid reasons or intangible reasons why they are made unhappy by the betrayed spouse. Like my xwh saying I didn't cook enough of his favorite dinners.

13) I think we MARRIED TOO YOUNG.
*truth translation; And my AP is only a few years older than we were when we got married.

For the past year while he has been in the affair the reasons for the divorce continuously change.

14) I have to divorce you because if I don't all my soldier buddies would think you had me by my balls.

translation: (MelodyLane's translation) -- I am such a gurl that as a 34 year old father of four I am so weak I bow to peer pressure and make my decisions according to my friend's opinion of me.

15) My mom told me that you are so disrespectful how could I be with anyone like you. If you would have just stayed out of my life when I wanted to separate.

translation: How dare you invade my privacy by reading emails, cell phone bill, and facebook. Since you did this and exposed my affair to everyone I have to divorce you because I am a coward and running from all my problems.

Good Thread,

I need to find myself-heard that one

A good one I also heard was-"There are so many things that bother me about you"--My thought-And you don't think you destroying our marriage DIDN'T bother me??

I need to live my life for myself- What is there an alien controlling your actions and choices?? Mine just always blamed her mother and still does

Yeah those are the top two reasons for lying about their motives, I will submit a third reason too

3) Persuading themselves the mariage is not based on REAL love so they can 'understand' why they love their soulmate schmoopie.

i.e.

we married too young
I married you because of my family pressuring me
I married you for a green card
I didnt know what love was before


blah blah blah

When, even if it were true, how does that excuse lying and cheating?!!

Particularly the continuance of lying about the reasons for a divorce!!!

Oh, I almost forgot!

My parents forced me to marry him.

Translation--I still have to blame everybody and anybody for my poor choices.

I do remember her walking to the alter with her parents behind her with a gun to her head telling her "You ain't got no choice in this dear"

This was the most recent one I heard too!

My WW doesn't want divorced. She wants to continue living with OM until it falls apart and then come back to me. I am supposed to wait.

Translation: I want him to file for divorce so I can play victim!

I have to add to this... I heard it so often, I knew exactly when it was coming out of WH's mouth.

"I can't live under a miscroscope anymore"
I can'tmake up good enough lies anymore that will convince you I'm not shagging OW. It's too hard to figure out what you will believe.

Oddly enough, I think I probably started to scare the carp out of WH... I really had him believing I was a psychic (of course, I was reading all of his texts and could see everywhere he went tee-hee)