My job requires extensive traveling. My husband doesn't care, in fact he's often glad when I go. We don't say much and haven't been "close for a long, long time. About a year ago he accused me of having an affair...now I'm beginning to wonder if he is having one.
Where do I start?

Hi, Missy80,

I'm glad to see you started your own thread.

The first thing Dr. Harley would recommend is to stop your traveling. You and your H can't meet each others emotional needs if you spend much of your time apart. You need a minimum of 15 hours per week together, making it the most enjoyable hours of your week, to create a great marriage.

If you want to find out if your H is having an affair, you would need to start snooping and check his computer and phone to start with.

Can you let your supervisor know that traveling has to stop? Can you find another job? People who are separated a lot overnight have a very high risk of affairs. The sooner you can end your traveling, the better off your marriage can be.

Many, many questions here.

Are you having an affair? Emotionally or physically?

How long have you been married?
Kids?

Please thoroughly go through the first post on this forum "Start Here First"

Start here!

I can quit my sales job, but I'm the money maker in the marriage. We've been married 7 years to this dead beat and have no kids. He doesn't want any kids and stopped having sex with me 5 years ago.

He has several porn mags in his end table and i just walked in on him watching porn on line. He closed his lap top but I saw nude women touching and kissing each other.

We go to mass together on weekends when I'm home but it feels phony.

phony, huh???

Whether there is an affair or not, you have a marriage that is in serious trouble.

Have you read "His Needs, Her Needs"? That book is a guide to what your marriage ought to be.

We can walk you through all the steps you will need to take to recover your marriage. You will need to decide if you want to recover it. You will need to deal with the possible affair first. This will require a concentrated effort on your part to snoop and find out what is going on.

Okay now I'm really worried. He's got photos with another woman--looks like a stripper. His hand is squeezing her breast and he's licking her face.

So there it is! My most horrible fears are real.

You need to find out who she is and expose it

Guess I'll ask again. Are you in an affair?

After serious soul searching, I'll admit that I'm having an affair with my job. I'm not surprised my husband sought comfort with another woman. When I asked him who she was, he said it was "just some chick" at a club. He took the photo on a dare and kept it for laughs.
We've know each other 10 years, married for 5. No kids. Possibly no future.

Well, you sound done.


This isn't what we typically hear from BW's.



Yeah I can't figure it out.

You need to find out who she is and expose the affair.

Please listen to these clips.
Traveling Jobs

Have you been married for five years or for seven years? You have said both.

AM

7 the last five were non-romantic. I've been upset lately. Now I am blaming this poor marriage on myself. I should probably divorce him and set us both free.

If you want to have a passionate marriage, MB can provide the road map and tools. Or do you want to divorce your husband at this point? MB is not a "save the marriage at all costs" type of program. Are either you or your husband having an affair?

AM

Marriage Builders gives couples the tools to have a loving, romantic marriage built on solid foundations.
People have a choice to participate in this or chose not to.
Some prefer to wander from one relationship to another....until they are old and alone.

Do you think there's hope for our wilted marriage? My husband still thinks I had an affair 5 years ago and blames it on his lack of interest. What book should I read? I've read all the on-line stuff and listened to reasons why I shouldn't be traveling. Where do I go next?

I discovered the woman in the photo works with my husband. She's single and he's not, obviously. He said she's a player with all the men, and is "temporary" help. I don't know how I would expose her since she has no husband or boyfriend who would care.

This Valentine's Day was the worst ever!

I am confused. You said the woman in the photo was a stripper. Your husband works in a strip joint? How were you able to find out who she is? Did your husband admit to an affair with a co-worker?


AM

What happened?

Did you?
Will you take a polygraph?

Will you stop traveling?

So your husband works at a strip club or does a stripper work at the same company as your husband?

And you still maintain that you were cuddling with a woman at a movie but your husband thought it was a man but just left without saying anything?

You never answered the question about knowing the poster 235.

What I find strange is when posters starting questioning you about your inconsistencies and dismissive advice towards inappropriate behavior with others, suddenly the story of your husband keeps snowballing more and more.

My husband admitted he's been seeing another woman regularly. He said its just for coffee but I have doubts. I;d like to save my marriage -- and make it much better. I was willing to change jobs but now I don't know what to do!

I can change jobs to save my marriage but I'm worried about my husband's "emotional" affair. I have reason to believe the other woman has been in my house for more than coffee!

Is there a reason why you don't answer the questions on your thread?

I want to start a family but we haven't been close in years. Now he's seeing someone else. I feel like it's my fault. I gained a considerable amount of weight and don't look nearly as attractive now as I did then.

Am I to blame for his affair?

OK. Please go back through this thread and answer ALL the questions.

Absolutely. I got nothing to hide. Where do go?

Start on page one and click the reply or quote button at the bottom for each post that has a question.

She's a "temp" at his office. He brought several photos home of her with other guys. It was weird how he acted like they were trophy Prizes.

He's also meeting another, much younger girl at a coffee shop. One of my friends caught him there with her twice. Since then I found a hair barrette in the bathroom that wasn't mine.

I don't understand why, but I still love him and want my marriage to work. I believe if I follow the steps in the love bank it would be a great start.

My husband admitted to having a girl "friend."

My husband has a friend who is a girl, He admitted it only after I confronted him because a friend of mine saw them together in a coffee shop -- twice!

Okay I think I answered all of them. My situation has worsened over the past week.

And these?

And these?

Only if he came to you and said "Honey, I've been really upset lately by things you've done, and the solution I've been thinking of is to have an affair. How do you feel about that? Would that plan work for you?" and you said "Sure - that sounds like a good way to handle it!"

People who have affairs typically do so with a unilateral decision. It's their decision and theirs alone.

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

Even if my spouse refused to care for me and TOLD me to have an A, it would still be MY decision. I would never sully myself with an A.