|
|
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31 |
My job requires extensive traveling. My husband doesn't care, in fact he's often glad when I go. We don't say much and haven't been "close for a long, long time. About a year ago he accused me of having an affair...now I'm beginning to wonder if he is having one.
Where do I start?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956 Likes: 1 |
My job requires extensive traveling. My husband doesn't care, in fact he's often glad when I go. We don't say much and haven't been "close for a long, long time. About a year ago he accused me of having an affair...now I'm beginning to wonder if he is having one.
Where do I start? Hi, Missy80, I'm glad to see you started your own thread. The first thing Dr. Harley would recommend is to stop your traveling. You and your H can't meet each others emotional needs if you spend much of your time apart. You need a minimum of 15 hours per week together, making it the most enjoyable hours of your week, to create a great marriage. If you want to find out if your H is having an affair, you would need to start snooping and check his computer and phone to start with. Can you let your supervisor know that traveling has to stop? Can you find another job? People who are separated a lot overnight have a very high risk of affairs. The sooner you can end your traveling, the better off your marriage can be.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121 |
Many, many questions here. Are you having an affair? Emotionally or physically? How long have you been married? Kids? Please thoroughly go through the first post on this forum "Start Here First" Start here!
Dday- Feb 1998
Recovered!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31 |
I can quit my sales job, but I'm the money maker in the marriage. We've been married 7 years to this dead beat and have no kids. He doesn't want any kids and stopped having sex with me 5 years ago.
He has several porn mags in his end table and i just walked in on him watching porn on line. He closed his lap top but I saw nude women touching and kissing each other.
We go to mass together on weekends when I'm home but it feels phony.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
phony, huh??? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433 |
Whether there is an affair or not, you have a marriage that is in serious trouble.
Have you read "His Needs, Her Needs"? That book is a guide to what your marriage ought to be.
We can walk you through all the steps you will need to take to recover your marriage. You will need to decide if you want to recover it. You will need to deal with the possible affair first. This will require a concentrated effort on your part to snoop and find out what is going on.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31 |
Okay now I'm really worried. He's got photos with another woman--looks like a stripper. His hand is squeezing her breast and he's licking her face.
So there it is! My most horrible fears are real.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
You need to find out who she is and expose it
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650 |
Many, many questions here. Are you having an affair? Emotionally or physically? How long have you been married? Kids? Please thoroughly go through the first post on this forum "Start Here First" Start here!Guess I'll ask again. Are you in an affair?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31 |
After serious soul searching, I'll admit that I'm having an affair with my job. I'm not surprised my husband sought comfort with another woman. When I asked him who she was, he said it was "just some chick" at a club. He took the photo on a dare and kept it for laughs.
We've know each other 10 years, married for 5. No kids. Possibly no future.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
No kids. Possibly no future. Well, you sound done. been married 7 years to this dead beat This isn't what we typically hear from BW's. phony, huh??? Yeah I can't figure it out.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
After serious soul searching, I'll admit that I'm having an affair with my job. I'm not surprised my husband sought comfort with another woman. When I asked him who she was, he said it was "just some chick" at a club. He took the photo on a dare and kept it for laughs.
We've know each other 10 years, married for 5. No kids. Possibly no future. You need to find out who she is and expose the affair.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
Please listen to these clips. Traveling Jobs
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589 |
I can quit my sales job, but I'm the money maker in the marriage. We've been married 7 years to this dead beat and have no kids. He doesn't want any kids and stopped having sex with me 5 years ago.
He has several porn mags in his end table and i just walked in on him watching porn on line. He closed his lap top but I saw nude women touching and kissing each other.
We go to mass together on weekends when I'm home but it feels phony. Have you been married for five years or for seven years? You have said both. AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31 |
7 the last five were non-romantic. I've been upset lately. Now I am blaming this poor marriage on myself. I should probably divorce him and set us both free.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589 |
If you want to have a passionate marriage, MB can provide the road map and tools. Or do you want to divorce your husband at this point? MB is not a "save the marriage at all costs" type of program. Are either you or your husband having an affair?
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
7 the last five were non-romantic. I've been upset lately. Now I am blaming this poor marriage on myself. I should probably divorce him and set us both free. Marriage Builders gives couples the tools to have a loving, romantic marriage built on solid foundations. People have a choice to participate in this or chose not to. Some prefer to wander from one relationship to another....until they are old and alone.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31 |
Do you think there's hope for our wilted marriage? My husband still thinks I had an affair 5 years ago and blames it on his lack of interest. What book should I read? I've read all the on-line stuff and listened to reasons why I shouldn't be traveling. Where do I go next?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31 |
I discovered the woman in the photo works with my husband. She's single and he's not, obviously. He said she's a player with all the men, and is "temporary" help. I don't know how I would expose her since she has no husband or boyfriend who would care.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 31 |
This Valentine's Day was the worst ever!
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
179
guests, and
54
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,490
Members71,959
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
