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mopey Offline OP
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Well, this is it. My place. My thread.

What happens here, stays here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Any one care for a drink? I could use one.

I've been in withdrawal for 3 days. Haven't spoken to my H in 3 days.

It started when I was telling him about a trigger. He was being sweet and apolgetic but it just felt canned to me. He said "he understood". He had a few other short sentences as well for me. It felt like he was just trying to appease me. No deep sorrow for what I was trying to share.

I let there be silence in between my feelings that I was telling him about. He didn't try to fill the silence. He didn't know what to say, he says. I clammed up. I felt so alone. And I was tired of telling him how he could me, so I didn't.

I do not do this all the time. The withdrawal states like this are far between.

Explain to him how I am feeling and not clam up you say? I have. Over and over again. One of my IC's (I need lots <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) told me not to repeat myself, or I'll sound like I'm a nag and being demanding. So, I shut my trap. Unable to speak to him about anything right now.

He's tried to get through a few times but I plain just don't want to talk to him.

I'm tired and need a break. I really feel drained.

How's that for starters?

Last edited by mopey; 03/14/08 11:41 AM.

Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.



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Getting the boys to bed so mama can have some friggin PEACE! Be back soon!

PS-with drink in hand!! Cheers!


Peace,
LaLa

FWW(me) 37
BS 38
DS 9 & 5
PA 7/06-8/06
Dday 2/17/07

Fogapalooza-My Babbly Beginning
My Story
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mopey Offline OP
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Yay! My first victim....Errr... I mean poster. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Take your time LaLa. If I don't catch ya tonight, I'll find ya on someone's else's thread tommorow....lol....


Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.



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Your husband was sitting there recounting the things he's done and feeling almost overwhelmed with the haunting of it.

I'm sorry it felt like abandonment. I was at a loss for words.

I hope you come out of your withdrawal soon. It fearful to me. Had to find a safe place for a child today.


I've looked for love, acceptance, and appreciation from others. It doesn't work very well.

I've found it all inside me. The challenge is in investigating the truth of the thoughts I have that get in the way.
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Mopey - I'll join ya for a drink.

And threadjacks are ok here right?


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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mopey Offline OP
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Ah dang Windstopped. Why do you have to go and be so nice when I wuz just getting good at ignoring you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry I'm in this place. Give me a little while to think. K?


Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.



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Take all the time ya need....


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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mopey Offline OP
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What'll ya have BK. I've got white zinfidel (almost gone <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ) but I can run out and get ya some tough guy drink if ya want.

T/J's? Are ya kiddin me. DEFINITELY! And yankee bashin too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.



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mopey Offline OP
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Wat up Skinsgal!

What's your pleasure? Coffee, tea, valium? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.



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Ohhhhhhhhh Yankee Bashing? I'm IN.

How bout a nice cold beer. I presume windstopped will be joining us?


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
Joined: Dec 2006
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Hi Mopey:

I'm sorry you're feeling bad right now...but a thought struck me when reading your post:

Quote
It felt like he was just trying to appease me. No deep sorrow for what I was trying to share.

Sounds like a big DJ on your part. No way you can know exactly what WindStopped was experiencing right then...just your perception that what he did do was not emotional (??) enough to convince you what he was feeling was genuine sorrow.

LA and Noodle and others here say that your feelings and emotions do not control your spouse's emotions/feelings...isn't that what enmeshment is??

If you needed to verify what WindStopped was experiencing at that time, why couldn't you just ask him to describe what was going through his mind right then (and trust that his words accurately describe his feelings bc there's no way to get inside his head), instead of trying to interpret his actions and assign meaning to your interpretations to ascertain the level of his sorrow/feelings?

LoBoy


"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one." Thoreau
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mopey Offline OP
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Beer coming up BK.

Windstopped can join us if he'd like.


Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.



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Quote
"Ohhhhhhhhh Yankee Bashing? I'm IN."


How about pesky Texans, BK????

Mopey, try this: 1:1:1 Vodka, Kahlua and Bailey's. Pour over ice and stir like crazy.


"You won't ever regret doing the right thing! Nobody ever does!" ~ Heartsore
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Well I could get myself in a lot of trouble if I diss Texans.

Quote
Mopey, try this: 1:1:1 Vodka, Kahlua and Bailey's. Pour over ice and stir like crazy.

Wouldn't that make you stir crazy?


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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mopey Offline OP
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LostBoy....

Did you come over to 2x4 me, or did you come for a drink? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

No seriously, I'm listening.

I didn't ask him that night how he feels. Probably because he told me he was at a loss for words.

And LB.....you're right, I cannot know what is going on inside his head unless he tells me. I will ask next time. However, didn't you ever get the feeling that you knew when your wife seemed remorseful, and when she didn't?


Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.



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LoBoy - thanks for your input. I believe we have serious enmeshment issues.

I think this is supposed to be a fun thread though.


/sigh/ I can almost taste a margarita (on the rocks, 1800) right now. I better find another sponsor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


I've looked for love, acceptance, and appreciation from others. It doesn't work very well.

I've found it all inside me. The challenge is in investigating the truth of the thoughts I have that get in the way.
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Mopey, BigK LOVES FOSTERS of course!!! That IS "Australian for Beer" yanno!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Don't let him fool ya with his "Yankee Bashin'"...He calls us Belles "Yankees"...AS IF!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'll take a Gentleman Jack and Diet Coke please! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

P.S. Do you think it would help if WindStopped posted and read here more often? I know that that has done wonders for us...


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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mopey Offline OP
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That sounds yummy NTL. If I hadn't already had a drink I just might go to the store and get the stuff to make that concoction (sp?). I'll have to wait til next time.

Stir crazy.....lol....

Texans....hmmmmm.....yup, we can pick on them too. They probably won't even know we're talking bout em. They're too busy chasing cats.


Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.



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Well hey there, LoBoy! Nice to see you. How are you doin?

Mopey, like W2S, still has down moments because of the pain we've caused them. As a WS, it is our job to help them overcome these fears and sorrow. Windstopped will find a way to break through, though. They will figure it out together, right guys! It has to be hard at times, especially when men and women express themselves so differently!

If only men were as smart as us GODDESSES, it would be much easier!!! (Baaaahahahaha...now you KNOW I'm just teasin' fellas) OK BK...have at me! The heck with the lumber, get out the bricks!


Peace,
LaLa

FWW(me) 37
BS 38
DS 9 & 5
PA 7/06-8/06
Dday 2/17/07

Fogapalooza-My Babbly Beginning
My Story
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mopey Offline OP
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Emeshment.....hang on.....I have to look it up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Husband was unfaithful to me before and after our marriage, at least 7 times. I found out 13 yrs into the marriage. Trickle truth for an entire year. Several different d-days, so it was more like a d-year. Difficult recovery.



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