First marriage did not end from the affair. The “affair” lasted one month. It started with a female friend asking me if I was happy in my marriage to which I finally unloaded all my thoughts and feelings I had not told anybody about. This became tons of communication over the next few weeks. There was one kiss. There was talk of me leaving my wife for her. Then one day it was discovered with a simple check of my phone record. I was confronted by my wife. I confessed everything. I snapped out of it as if I was under a spell. Marriage continued until one day we were out on a date and I thought to myself I would rather be anywhere else in the world right now than with her. As Forrest Gump would say “that’s all I have to say about that”.
Well, that might be all you have to say about that, but the posters on this board might have more to say. From where I'm sitting, it looks as if that affair contributed to your abandoning your first marriage.
And now you are here:
As for current marriage, this situation is that last year my wife reached a point to where she assumed I was done so then she decided she was done and went on a dating site. Note that we had no talks about anyone being done. I was never done. I didn’t know anything was wrong. She tells me now that she met two guys and went on 3 dates total. But she said this wasn’t for dating she was just trying to make friends. She historically is a person who is friends with guys instead of girls. Girls are too much drama. So she claims nothing happened there.
No I have know way of knowing.
Also with the coworker I have no way of knowing.
What was going on to make her assume you were done? That's a very odd conclusion for one spouse to come to when the other spouse thinks there is nothing wrong. How can there be two such radically opposing views by the spouses in the same marriage? Has she ever expanded on what she meant - on what made her draw this conclusion?
And why, if she thought you were done, was she so ready to be "done" herself? Did she ever try to talk to you about what was making you unhappy (as she saw it)? Did she do anything, that you can now look back on and recognise, as trying to improve the marriage?
If she was only looking to make friends, why did she go on a dating site? Dating sites are for people looking for sex or looking for romantic relationships. If she arranged a date with a man that she met on such a site, what was her explanation to him when he tried to do what those sites are there for, and she wouldn't play? I can imagine that many men would be quite angry about being deceived. That would be like arranging a meet-up with someone from a games board to play a game together, and then on the date her admitting that she doesn't like gaming at all. That would not go down well if she wasted someone's time like that. But then again, if she had 3 dates with 2 different men, then one of the dates led to a further date. Why and how did that happen?
If, as she says, she was only looking to make friends, did she make friends with these men, and if not, why not?
As you can probably see from my questions, I think you've accepted what she said far too easily, and that her explanations would not stand up to proper scrutiny.
Finally for now: how could she have been on any dates, never mind 3, without your knowledge? Did she make up stories about where she was going? Were you living lives detached from each other?
