Originally Posted by StayingStrong32
Let me start off by talking about the state of our marriage. By all measures, we had a wonderful marriage until last month. We're both in our 30's, have been best friends since college, have fulfilling jobs in our fields, and have two beautiful kids, 1 and 5. We've always focused on having a long and happy life together, read marriage books, treat eachother with respect, support, and love. So what could go wrong?

This is demonstrably UNTRUE. She has been cheating almost the whole of your marriage - even during the "honeymoon period" She has most certainly NOT focussed on a long and happy life together. This is DENIAL. An affair is NOT respect support and love.

So last month when a friend of mine who worked in Seattle offered to have lunch with her since she'd be there for a conference, I thought it was a really nice gesture, and didn't think anything of it whatsoever. But that was the start. They talked at lunch for an hour, and it really filled her "Love Bank". They continued to talk in the days after that.

Yet this was her second affair. How did you recover your marriage after her first affair? The patented well followed "head in the sand approach" I suppose. Lack of conversation may have been an issue but the reall issue was she was pulling her pants off for another man and had NO BOUNDARIES.

A week later, she came to me and said that she was aquiring feelings for my friend, and vice versa. I was hurt, of course, but proud that she had come to me so quickly. They both promised to end communication and work on our own marriages instead. (He's also married with kids.)

This was DENIAL. have you called OM'sW BTW?

A month has passed. But on Christmas Eve I caught her sending a naked picture of herself to him. After Christmas, she finally confessed to everything. She had been continuing the emotional affair for the last month, and had met him at his work to have sex one time (that I know of). I was, and still am devistated.

DENIAL. One time - uh huh. After the first time she cheated, how was she able to decieve you and send naked photos of herself to OM a MONTH after d-day #2????

You have convinced yourself you now have the truth = DENIAL.

I won't ramble on to much, but I just need to say that my wife is worth fighting for. She screwed up, big time, and she knows it. She has confessed, she's remoresful, and we're working on gaining back the love and trust that was lost. We renewed our vows to eachother on New Years Eve, and we're doing everything we can to fix this.

Unbelievably HUGE DENIAL.

She has confessed SOME of her affair but I guarantee you there is a whole lot more down the rabbit hole.
How does she know she screwed up bigtime? What have been the consequences for her? I bet she does a GREAT line in waterworks and fauz remorse - she's pretty practiced in it after all. Then you renewed your vows a few weeks after d-day #2??? Are you insane? See this is DENIAL. You are deciding on the steps you see as being necessary for recovery and dragging her along for the ride. But that is all. She is not doing JACK to "fix this". It took my wife around SIX months before I knew she truely got it and understood she had screwed up. You are fooling no one here but yourself.

The moral of the story is, if the "most important needs" aren't filled by you, they will find someone else to fill them. I wish I'd found this site earlier.

The important moral here is to be guided by her ACTIONS not what she SAYS.

You have very happily compartmentalised all of this into a 6 week time frame whereas if you REALLY work your butt off, you MIGHT be in a good place in oh... say..... 2 YEARS minimum from now.

Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.