Originally Posted by disgustedandsad
Thanks for the all the information to think about!

My worry about IC not being a friend of the marriage was because the IC stated that she was interested in getting him healthy, and THEN worrying about the M. That bothered me.

If you follow the link I provided earlier, you'll see that Dr H said the same thing about "The Depressed Spouse". You can also read in the newsletters here that Dr. H says the same thing about spouses who are addicted to drugs / alcohol.

My job as a marriage counselor begins after successful treatment...

As you can see, treating a psychological problem and then the marriage doesn't mean a therapist is not a friend of the marriage.

The IC is tough, and she doesn't let him make excuses or use the past as an excuse. The IC wants him to make changes in how he behaves, and that part I like.

My H has been clinically depressed and is finally on good meds. He is learning to be empathetic, because that is something he didn't learn growing up. His IC is also focused on boundaries, because his are terrible of course.

I am just frustrated that we can't work on M as thoroughly and quickly as others can.

Now we have the real issue out in the open. In that case, my input is: Have patience.

You should be seeing clear improvements in your H after a few sessions, especially since he's taking his meds and they seem to be "good" as you put it. If not, time to pick another IC and take another look @ his meds. In the meantime, get all schooled up on MB. Read the books, etc. Set a date for hime and you to evaluate his progress together (say a month?)...This way you will not feel like you're just sitting idle. If his progress is good and contiues on an upward trend, you can start MB together while he continues IC smile

What do you think about those suggestions?