Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Chris, her husband is none of the above.


She said he is Depressed & on meds.

NOWHERE does Dr Harley tell people to go to a counselor to resolve their childhood problems.

My comments did not address resolving childhood problems. Here's exactly what I said:

Originally Posted by ChrisInNOVA
You can't have a healthy marriage with an individual who is psychologically unhealthy.
For example, take a person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol, clinically depressed, schizophrenic, or bipolar and try to have a GOOD MARRIAGE with them. What do you think you'll experience?

And secondly, people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol DO NOT benefit from IC; it is a WASTE OF TIME.

Agreed. Addicts need to be treated cia AA / Alanon as you pointed out - not IC.

My main point was that we can't have a healthy marriage when our spouse is addicted to alcohol / drugs or if they are psychologically unhealthy.

Dr H himself said that in the newsletters.

This one pertains to Drug / Alcohol Addiction:
One of the first things I do when couples see me for counseling is to evaluate them for drug and alcohol addiction. If I feel that either is addicted at the time, I refer the addicted spouse to a treatment program. The Love Buster, drug or alcohol addiction, will prevent them from resolving their marital conflicts because it controls them. It must be eliminated before marital therapy has any hope of being successful.

This one pertains to Depression:
Whenever a spouse I counsel for marital problems suffers from severe depression, my first item of business is to treat the depression, not the marital problems. The treatment, however, is much simpler than most people think. Anti-depressant medication is the ticket. It greatly relieves, if not eliminates entirely, a depressive state so that the spouse I counsel can succeed in meeting the other spouse's emotional needs. As his depression is lifted, he seizes opportunities both in his marriage and at his job, that makes him more successful. In the end, his self-esteem is restored because he finds himself successful in achieving his life's ambitions. I do not believe that counseling to improve self-esteem, apart from showing people how to be successful, ever really improves self-esteem.

The approach that I use to save marriages looks at the present and future for solutions. I encourage you not to worry about your husband's past, his self-esteem or whether or not he loves himself. After he is treated medically for depression, focus your attention on the way you treat each other in the here and now.

In this second one Dr H seems to be saying meds is the way; however, many people do use therapy and meds conjointly to treat certain psychological probs. Also, most Psych MD's will not prescribe meds without sessions to assess / evaluate the patient.