Originally Posted by lurioosi2
For me, that thing was forgiveness. Now, many well-trained people out there argue AGAINST forgiving an abuser. But that is what freed me. Not talking ad nauseum, not exploring how my fellow first graders made me FEEL, not talking to a pillow and pretending it was my mom to get my feelings out.

Now some people (close friends even) have suffered things I could not dream. But the bottom line is, EVERY family is somewhat dysfunctional and EVERY person had a "bad" childhood, depending on how you look at it. I refuse to let that teenage boy, those cruel children, that trusted family friend, and even my own well-meaning mother determine how I live and what kind of M I have.

clap here, here!! Well said. Agree with every word.

Another thing I learned the hard way that was that continually BLAMING my mommy for my poor lot in life kept me crippled and kept me distracted from my OWN bad behavior. My childhood was horrendous, just horrendous; I was born to 2 ALCOHOLIC 16 year old hippies who didn't know right from wrong and who abused me horribly. They were terrible parents, but you know what? The buck stops right here when I turn 18. I am fully responsible for my adult behavior and fully in control of it. I don't need to yap about my mommy in order to change. I just have to CHANGE IT.

The greatest relief came when I stopped blaming them and forgave them. They were dumb kids. If I was going to crow and complain about them accepting me, I had to learn to accept THEM, warts and all.

As an adult, my relevant "PAST" started when I was 18. I am responsible for everything thereafter and that is all that matters. Bringing childhood trauma into the present is to just punish me twice. To that, I say NO THANKS.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101