Originally Posted by lurioosi2
Just a couple of things:

I realized that my parents' excessively high standards and inability to encourage without a big "But" at the contributed to the fear that I will never be good enough

I realize that being ridiculed for my unattractiveness as a young child undermined my confidence as a young adult/adult

I realize that suffering sexual abuse at puberty awkened some feelings in me I was in no way prepared to deal with.

I realized all these things before I ever entered a therapist's office. Because they make sense. Now, there were benifits to discussing those things briefly, but there was one thing that changed EVERYTHING with regards to parents, childhood trauma and bullying, sexual abuse....

For me, that thing was forgiveness. Now, many well-trained people out there argue AGAINST forgiving an abuser. But that is what freed me. Not talking ad nauseum, not exploring how my fellow first graders made me FEEL, not talking to a pillow and pretending it was my mom to get my feelings out.

Now some people (close friends even) have suffered things I could not dream. But the bottom line is, EVERY family is somewhat dysfunctional and EVERY person had a "bad" childhood, depending on how you look at it. I refuse to let that teenage boy, those cruel children, that trusted family friend, and even my own well-meaning mother determine how I live and what kind of M I have.

This is a great post Luri.

How did you get to the point of forgiveness?