i am absolutely rubbish at this.

I should be thinking that I am well out of this relationship and reality is I am sat pining waiting for him to come back, when he is off building his new life without even looking back.

I seem to swing on a pendulum one moment looking forward thinking i have my self respect and I am doing great - to the other side which is looking for sings/crumbs that he still cares. I am mostly on the negative side.

The truth is I am devastated I was not good enough for him.

Also I broke Plan B. I didnt block my number he has sent me 2 messages a day for the last 3 days and I have ignored all of them. Then today i text him to see if he wanted to facetime the kids because I thought he must be suffering and also by texting him would open up a window...RUBBISH.

so sorry i am rubbish at this. I have been with someone for 9 years we were madly in love and then suddenly it all went wrong. He has been so not interested for 1 year even telling another woman that he was mad about her, and I am sat here pining for him. What does that say about me. Absolutely rubbish.

I want this whole thing to be over. I dont have the strength or self esteem to see this through. I miss my family and I HATE having to say bye to my kids every few days when I am use to having them under my roof every night. I want to spend my life with the father of my children, not a single woman missing a piece.