Hi all

Thanks for checking in on me HappyHeart.

I am still here still reading but a bit embarrassed really to post as I have messed up on plan.

I don’t really know what to say but these are the facts...I am sure I will get some tough posts back...

BF has been over every day staying at his house at night and coming over during the day we have had some chats.

We discussed what happened with the other woman he said his head was turned and it was a terrible thing to do and he was sorry. He did however also say that the relationship had been awful for 2 years prior to that and the other woman was not the main reason for the separation. He said it ended the day I found out. I told him that in order to regain my trust he would have to be completely transparent particularly with phone. He said he understands that and has been leaving his phone around the house unlocked. I have gone through it a few times and nothing.

He has been trying to woo me back if you like with sending lots of old pictures of us 2, taking up yoga so he can do this with me in the evenings and even watching some tv with me when the kids go to bed (he has never been a tv fan mainly books). He has constantly texting me with love messages and pictures. He has been doing all the shopping for us, getting chores done round the house and all over seems to appreciate what I do for house and family a lot more.

He does say how awful the relationship was for a long time and part of me wants to say if it was so awful what are you doing back here then?

He has tried to have SF with me and I have made it clear that unless there is a firm commitment that we are together then this will not be happening. So there has been nothing on that front.

He has not drank at all since we have been seeing each other again is in full fitness mode.

However I still feel uneasy.

Dr Harleys advice was to separate, date again fall in love, marry and move in together.

So really I guess we are ‘dating’, but I have not had the conversation with him yet about expectations in particular marriage. Mostly because I am afraid because deep down I doubt he will want to marry. I also know this is a deal breaker for me. I think he thinks the relationship was bad for 2 years, he realised how much he loved me and missed me during the separation, but is dating to see how things go with the aim of getting back together.

So despite what people think I won’t just drift back into him moving back in, it would have to be with a commitment a ring. As without this he is free to walk again. Also he is not saying to me I want to be with you for life through thick and thin. Thing is I wouldn’t let him move back in without this as I would just be fed up again and would make me a renter and then we would split again which would be terrible for the children.

The problem is now I am stuck between having this conversation with him and rocking the boat as I am enjoying having the children all the time and seeing him even if I know it’s weak.

I really need to say to him, I am enjoying spending time with you but want you to know that in order for us to live together again I would have to be married.

Just being honest go easy please.

Last edited by Coolbeginnings; 04/08/20 07:21 AM.