Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
I am actually quite surprised at Dr Harleys response I thought he would recommend to go straight to Plan B. Instead he was saying be friendly, warm and respectful and talk to him about his drinking. BF is being the same back, but all I am thinking is how could he abandon us like this? Why hasn’t he pushed to come home? He has cheated on me, left me, come back and I am still trying to work things out?! It is so humiliating. Dr Harley must have seen something there or wouldn’t have advised me to do this.

I agree, he saw something. Presume he saw that despite everything that has happened, you still love one another. As you have two children together, it is worth doing everything you can to save the relationship but to do that he has to stop drinking and dry out.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
I saw my Mum today and she said I hope your having nothing to do with him? I said that we are working things out. She looked so upset.

Mum is protecting her baby. Sometimes that is not the right thing to do.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Does anyone on this forum understand alcoholics and how that may affect relationships?

Mel is the best one to advise on alcoholics but addictions are all the same. The addict does whatever he needs to do to get his drug of choice. Letting go is very hard. The addict spends a lot of time fooling himself that he is not really addicted, that he can stop while in reality he is just on a temporary break. Addiction is a coping mechanism. The addict does not want to address the covert issues that it covers up because to do that they have to first become overt. That is why in-patient treatment is necessary.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
It was like I was hoping Dr Harley was going to recommend go back to Plan B.

You have never been in Plan B! Perhaps you start your conversation with him by explaining what Dr Harley told you. Be sure to bring up your negativism so that

3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)