Are you really finished with him? How settled are your feelings?

The main problem I have had with responding to your posts is that you have always been all over the place - and I can understand and empathise with that, as that's how I was was for years during my H's affair.

The problem is that it's hard to give advice under those circumstances. We've given advice and you appear to agree with it, but then you act in the opposite way. Just on Tuesday you said:

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
He came to drop of DD from school, took his shoes off and came in the house and sat on the couch. Bearing in mind I haven't told him that I dont want anymore contact with him...
...I feel so much better now, taking back the control. I am dark Plan B and planning to move on. IN fact I am actually looking forward to moving on.

...When he came round tonight, I looked at him in a diffferent way.
You can't be in Plan B if he is coming into the house and sitting on the sofa.

I worry that your going in and out of Plan B, and never having really being in it, must seem silly and childish to him, and must irritate your IM brother as well. You've never shown BF that you will maintain your high demands unless he lives up to them.

I can understand still being in love with and not wanting the relationship to end for good. If that's how you feel, you need to take control and insist that he ends his drinking. There can be no relationship with him while he behaves as he does. When he has been dry for months you can date again, and when that goes well you can plan the wedding.

Which long-term strategy do you want to pursue? We can advise you on either of them, but you need to pick one and stick to it. If you're finished with him, take a deep breath and let the relationship go for good. If you would prefer to stay together, which would be a really good thing to do for the kids and if you love him, get him into rehab so that he stops destroying his brain and can think clearly and be a good husband.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.