Afternoon All,

So I went on the lunch with BF today. We met at a lovely restaurant down on the seafront - my first restaurant trip since Covid. He was there already waiting for me, and came over and opened the car door for me and said you look lovely.

We spent the first hour just catching up talking about work, the kids and what we have been up to. Then there was a gap in the conversation and I said so BF what about us then? He smiled and laughed a little but said straight away, we can't give up can we CoolB? I said no we cant, and that I would love to have a happy committed future with you, do you want the same and he said yes.

Then I said what Dr Harley told to me to say on the radio show. That I felt the 12 weeks we had spent together since lockdown had been great and that he had stopped having angry outbursts, that he had gone to great lengths to prove there was no one else and we hadn't argued once. That I was really pleased about this (DR Harley said to make a big deal about meeting 2 terms of the Plan B Letter). Then I said but there was only one thing that was a problem to me and that was his drinking, I then explained my concern for his own health, the impact that this has on the relationship, and how it was affect the children. He didn't get mad at all and looked quite sheepish, he didn't disagree with anything I said and he just nodded in agreement. I said to him that I want to have a sober relationship with him and the drinking has to stop now. I told him that I would give up drinking with him and would be there to support him through it. At this point he insisted how healthy he is (fitness and food) and that he is not alchoholic. I said I am not a professional but all I know is that it needs to stop for your own good, otherwise he would need some help.

He said he is miserable in the house, and that he spends most of his time there reading his books. He said there is nothing else that matters appart from you and the kids and I am not going anywhere. That his only concern was that it all goes wrong in a years time and we have to go through it all again so he wants to make sure we are right.

He did at one point, start stroking my face and my eyes welled up sorry couldn't help it. He said don't get emotional!

The only thing he said a flat out no to was speaking to Dr Harley. I tried to sell it to him but he wasn't having any of it. He said he would go and sit in a room and talk to someone, and that he had initiated counselling twice before. I guess 2 out of the three isn't bad. He also said that we need to talk things out more, cant we do more of that CoolB?

I also raised about when he went cold / silent on me a few weeks ago, and explained how tough I found this, and that treatment has to stop. That if he needs to go into his man cave he needs to communicate this. Then he said I shouldn't need some space from us "Cool B'. This part worries me and not sure how to handle this either as it feels like rejection.

I told him that if he stops drinking we can spend time as a couple and time as a family. We have to spend more one to one time if we are going to build up the relationship.

Now Dr Harley did advise on his radio show that if he stops drinking immediately that we spend time together dating. I may write to him to clarify? Dr Harley did say contact him if there was progression. Whereas Sugar Cane advises to waiting until he stops drinking before meeting up.

I know you might not think it, but communicating all that to him is a big leap for me.


Last edited by Coolbeginnings; 07/08/20 10:52 AM.