Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
I had extremely chaotic childhood, I was the youngest of 4,
I was the youngest of 4 but I thought I was the youngest of 3 until I was 28, when I found out about the first born, to my schoolgirl mother.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
domestic abuse between parents
Physical fights between parents which, as far as I can tell now, were always initiated by my unstable mother.
Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
divorce
Ditto

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
mother mental health problems

Big time.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
multi house moves

Many, including being homeless for a while after the separation and divorce, and being housed in several different emergency local authority places, one of which was condemned and due to be demolished. It had no bathroom and an outside loo on the shared landing.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
but I never wanted that to define me. It obviously has some effect, as I crave security, its probably one of my biggest emotional needs.
Ditto about not wanting that to define me. I left school at 17, then went to night classes, then to university aged 20, then professional study. Long before I came across Harley I made a decision to put my horrible upbringing behind me, model my wife-hood and motherhood on the friends that I admire, and to learn better behaviour from wherever I saw it, even if it was from TV programmes. It took years to learn not to shout at the kids and not to be generally just horrible at home, but I practiced it and learned it, and my adult kids both still live at home (London house prices - although my daughter had just bought a flat and is in the process of moving out) and they get on with me really well. I craved security in having a proper home, to the extent that we've been married and lived in the same house for 32 years. I sought security in other ways, too; always having a large amount of money saved, good pensions and so on.

Our past does not have to define us, and we can use the lessons learned to work on being the person we want to be.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
BF is 10 years older had a very settled childhood, was doted on. He is extremely confident
8.5 years older, and ditto.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Dr Harley advised me that I need to communicate my emotions positively. I am working on this every day.
It takes years of practice, and you have already started. Well done.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.