Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
There is lots of questions to this news arrangement / dating phase... such as

Should I make my own plans for the weekends I have the kids?

Do you think he is now complacent as he now has his “me time” and the kids and I?

Has there ever been anyone in a similar situation here on MB?
I think you need to continue asking Dr Harley for answers to your questions. The ones about making your own plans for the weekends, and going away on the boat on Sunday night, would good. The problem for me is that I haven't come across any cases like yours, where the couple has separated but there is a plan to date and then marry. As a rule, we don't get unmarried couples with children on this board. Unmarried people here might have children of their own, but not together, and not having lived together and then separated. One of them is usually asking about the wisdom and practicalities of getting married. This is the first case that I've been involved with where we're trying to get an unmarried couple back together, and I don't know what Dr Harley would advise unless you ask him. I'm only interested in coaching you according to Dr Harley's advice, not my own. (I haven't got a clue!)

The only experience similar to yours that I have seen is where the couple is married and separated, with a view to getting back together. The fact of the marriage makes a big difference to the intention to get them back together - as long as there is no abuse. Both spouses want to rebuild their marriage. Dr Harley has coached couples like that on the private forum. In your case, BF was not committed to marriage (otherwise he would have married you) and it's hard to know whether he's committed to it now, as you are. It could be that his original lack of commitment has not changed, and that's why he has been happy to renew his lease and does not seem to be desperate to get back "home".

I don't think you can second-guess what BF is feeling, or what the future will bring. He might indeed be enjoying his single life, and moving back together might bring back the horrible behaviour that led you to separate in the first place. That has happened to a couple recently on the private forum.

I think all you can do is follow the advice that Dr Harley gives, accepting that things might not work out. It's either that, or walk away now. Fretting about it isn't going to change BF's behaviour and attitudes.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.