Originally Posted by SugarCane
Did you have the talk with him on Monday night? How did it go?

Hi SugarCane

I hope you are well!

So BF has agreed to go to AA and stop drinking. He had his second session with AA this week. He absolutely hates it, but knows that he is drinking far too heavily at weekends and that it needs to stop. I said if this doesn't work then it would have to be rehab.

I have to tell you it is awful though. I actually use to like him drinking and even look forward to it because it would loosen him up and make him relax more. He was irritable in the week when he wasn't drinking and now its even worse.

As far as we are concerned, it is so different this time. I remember you saying Sugar, when I was sad and they all went off on the boat without me, don't worry you will be doing that soon. Also Living Well saying that his extending the lease on his house was an act of love, to get 'us' right. You were all so right! I know now that BF does want to be in my life for the rest of my life. I am very confident about that. The changes he has made are huge, he is much calmer, kinder and caring.

I was so stressed out when I came on here in January after learning of the affair that I couldn't see things clearly at all. Now, I am feeling so much better, much calmer and clearer and confident. We are so different and better together. He got angry at the house the other week about something the gardener had done, and we spoke about it the next day, I raised it and said although I could understand why he was upset, I really do not want that level of anger in the house. I am getting so much better at communicating how I feel, something I was too frightened to do before incase he blows up.

After the chat I had with him about making the effort and time to organise time with me, he has organised things every week. This Friday he has booked a babysitter and organised for us to have dinner out. Last week, we went to the gym together one morning and another day we went for breakfast. This is when the children are at school. This is a huge change.

Dr Harleys advice has been right on the mark. Its unbelievable. All the things he has told me has been spot on. He told me always to be kind, warm and respectful towards BF in my tone and body language. This is the weird thing, this has been quite hard for me which makes me realise how cold and abrupt I had been with BF in the past. How much more positive BF has responded towards me, in the last few weeks, I have also noticed that whenever he feels some kind of anger or disapproval from me it really sends him to his cave.

So why when its so much better than it was before do I get this unsettled feeling in my stomach? I feel sometimes shame and embarrassment in front of others about our situation and I am starting to question how I live with the fact that he cheated on me...:(

BF has also been mentioning marriage a lot in conversation lately, now I might just be getting myself at it, but he has mentioned it 6/7 times in conversation the last few weeks. I know now that I could not live with him without this level of commitment, particularly after what has happened it would be too much of an embarrassment / humiliation. He has also talked about coming home, saying that I should bring some of the furniture back now, and when daughter asked to stay at his he said that he would rather her be at home as it is much more comfortable. I just kept quiet.

Anyway, its all progress not perfection and I do feel a much better person that I did this time last year.

Thanks for all your help and time, you all really helped me through a dark place.

Melody I don't think you read my posts anymore, I know you dipped out and I understand why. Your words ring in my head all the time - which was he knows you will let him back without meeting any of your terms. I really hope not, as I could put all this time and effort in and he he doesn't want to marry me after all. I really hope not, I am nervous about this.

Last edited by Coolbeginnings; 10/20/20 02:33 PM.