Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
He has left now, I am going to ring him tonight and follow up.

Another thought comes to me. Earlier on you told us that you had had a dysfunctional childhood. So one reason for your struggle now is that you have no direct experience of what a normal family looks like and so you have normalised his horrible behaviour.

You owe it to your children to be able to show them what normal family life is like; calm, firm, predictable, loving and gentle. When their father has a violent mood swing, they think it is their fault. I'm sure you were the same. Your children need normal so that they do not cascade the trauma down yet another generation.

The only way to get to that is for him to entirely eliminate the alcohol and drugs for ever. Or be entirely cut out of their lives. If he is also bi-polar, that can be treated with medication. Many bi-polar people make the mistake of thinking they can self medicate with drink and drugs. They can't.

3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)