Still hard. Terrible anxiety at night. Go through emotional waves of feeling abandoned, then relief and then sometimes that I havnt woken up from a nightmare.

My mum and sis came over today which was hard again. My sister makes snide comments all the time about me getting married (she knows that was an issue) mum is extremely nosy about what’s going on with BF and I. Concerned mum I know but she is a gossip and chews the fat about it to the neighbour, cleaner and various family members.

Made a point of not telling them anything as it usually comes back to bite me. That’s hard though as I don’t feel like I have their support.

I have a good friend who is supporting me, she is happily married in a very functional relationship. She thinks I have had a lot of patience and that he has so many chances and to move on now.

I feel so bad for the children, my DD woke up this morning and asked if Daddy was going to help decorate the tree. It breaks my heart. She is such a dear sweet thing, she deserves so much more.