Thank you Sugar

Yes ok I get what you mean about the loop, and yes I have had enough. I am tired and the stress on my body of the loop is taking its toll.

My biggest issue is that there is something more going on with BF, some underlying mental issue. We have had many conversations of late where things have started to come out. Like he was a troubled teen in prison a couple of times in his late twenties. That he went through many tests to check for various mental health problems and nothing was detected. That he gave up drinking for 6 years in his twenties as he got into so much trouble and so out of hand. When I started seeing him 9 years ago he was seeing a therapist for anger issues. He was forced to go and see someone by his best friend.

He is in complete denial at the moment. He denies ever taking drugs and denies he has a drink problem. It is actually shocking how he completely denied the drugs even though the evidence was there?! I mean who even does that?!

So I will talk to him, and tell him that he need to go to rehab. I am not scared of losing the family anymore. I have kind of come to terms that this may be the outcome. The kids and I just fine the three of us. I always remember my parents divorce and the worst thing was my mum moving on so quickly.

I am afraid that even without the drugs and drink that this is just his personality and this as good as it gets.