Originally Posted by living_well
Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
I have told him I will not continue the relationship unless he gets help for his drinking and taking drugs.

Did you make it clear that it has to be rehab?

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
His response was bizarrely ‘I totally agree. It is always the blame game with you. Let me know when I can have the children.

You have conditioned him to think that he can play you. If you want to change the dance, change your steps. Do not let him know when he can have the children. Next thing he receives is a solicitor's letter (see below)

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
I am now In Plan B and I plan to move on.

He is going to get quite a shock when he realises you are serious. You need a red-meat solicitor who will debone him. Ask for the moon; sole residency of the house till youngest is 18, sole custody on the basis of his drug and alcohol addiction, supervised visitations only, lots of child support etc. I don't know how this all works outside marriage but there must be a way. Be very, very aggressive. Throw the book at him. He could be so shocked at the change that he agrees to rehab. DO NOT BACK DOWN. Your court action only ends after he has done rehab and has been clean for a year and only if you still want him back. Maybe not even then.

Do you have your intermediary lined up?
How about this. Plan, get your IM in place and write the plan B letter in which you include rehab. Rehab is not negotionable, for the safety of your children.

Don't tell him during a conversation, if he knows how to play you. Take the steering wheel firm in your own hands, you set the course. If he wants to ride along, make sure he knows what the requirements are. Don't wait for him to do something you react on, but make your plan and act accordingly. Protect yourself from making your old mistakes, don't let him play you.

Talking to/with him never got you the results you wanted, he moved a bit with you and then steered to his own route again. Strategize, plan, implement.

Did you read the thread of Chalk&Cheese? She really took control of the situation and did very well.