Thanks guys for support.

I am officially the worst Plan B person ever. This time though I hold out very little hope, and its more about protecting the children and I from the chaos than punishing him. Last time I was constantly looking for signs he cared when all it was really about was getting me to cave so he can come back without changing a thing.

My sleep has gone to pot, waking up in the night doing neurotic internet trolling trying to make sense of the situation (there the worse moments).

I am setting time aside with the children, locking away my phone, so I get quality time with them.

I honestly can't think of anything at the moment apart from navigating Christmas and getting through it. I haven't even got the kids presents sorted yet.

I have to start looking after myself diet ect... I have come up in hives all over my chest I definetly think its to do with the stress of it all.

Can't believe this has been going on a year. In reality it has been going on much longer than a year, with all his poor treatment.

I can actually say that I am relieved to see the back of him and maybe 2021 will give me a fresh start. I do see light at the end of the tunnel, just get me past Christmas!