I had no other choice, I couldn’t do that cycle again.

Kids left at 330pm. It is the first weekend they have spent at his house since BF has left. Can you believe that? He has cake eaten for a whole year. DS played up massively before he left. He also said that he did not want to go for 2 nights.

I was dreading the kids leaving and I feel so sad and incredibly guilty for them that they are having to do this. Also they are asking a lot of questions about mum and dad, and starting to realise that we might not get back together. They asked if we would be going skiing together as a family? I said that I doubt that will happen. I could do with some guidance here on how to handle this?

I ended up snooping on his Instagram account and found a very flirtatious comment he put on some very young woman’s half naked picture. It kind of made me crash and burn, and discovered the date was around that weekend he went all cold on me end of November. Made me realise that all this isn’t just about his drugs and alchohol it is also about his desire to have part of him as single and trolling about. Feel a fool.

However, it did confirm I have made the right decision. I cried a lot yesterday, mainly doing a lot of grieving and coming to terms with fact I want to move on. I could never be in a relationship with BF the way he is. I can hardly look at him. I feel so embarrassed about how he as behaved and so much anger for how he has messed us all about. Last night was exhausted and flopped on the sofa.

Late last night a request came through from IM asking for him to pop round and get the kids bikes. I told the IM to respond by saying that the bikes were to remain at the house. Starting to enforce boundaries with BF and he needs to accept his new reality. Think he continues to test me to see if he still has a foot in the door.

Today I am getting out in the fresh air and getting ready for DD birthday on Monday. She is going to be 7 hardly believe that!