If they miss skiing maybe there is another family member you all can go with after all this COVID mess. I get the taking a look at insta to confirm what you kind of knew . But now at this point it would be kinder to yourself to stop looking. You don’t need it to make sense now in order to make the right decisions. It’s when you’re away from it longer that it will make more sense. Have you looked into al-anon? There are phone and zoom meetings and you can get a sponsor. Working the 12 steps will get your emotional sobriety strong and you will see what that would look like from your bf so you can stay strong and not take him back before the miracle happens.

Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010