Just printed out H's long post, 52 pages!! I started reading it on the computer screen and was crossing my eyes. so funny how everything he told his wife, my WH has told me too. I will reading before I go to sleep tonight, gain more insight into my WH to hopefully understand him.

WH will be over at about 9AM tomorrow (Sat). If you read this post, PLEASE say a quick prayer for us. For us to be strong and to have wisdom.

GC, not sure what time zone you are in but it is 9:15 EDT, I am praying that things are going well for you. I do agree with SC,he is coming home,maybe he is not ready to come home now but he is on the road or rollercoaster to come home. My W had two false recoveries where she moved home.... I did not have good boundries setup. the third time was the real time, I had the boundries that I needed, and the W from OM were minimum. Good luck.
Dave

Going Crazy,
We are all praying for you. I'm praying that your WH will be ready for recovery!! Let us know how the talk goes.
KK

jumped on here real quick its 8:45 Central time, should be here in 15 minutes. Davepr and KK, thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. I read thru the "diary 0f a madman" post last night before I went to sleep...LONG, but good info. Depending on how the talk goes I may even give it to him, so he will know that what he is going through, others have been there, and have had a successful marriage. Again, I will see how it goes. i am so nervous right now. made sure that I'm looking really good this morning!!! Cleaned some of the house last night, have some candles burning, trying to make it look "inviting" I guess, have everything but that apple pie baking in the oven!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> LOL!!!

Hi GC,

You are probably talking with him right now. Hope all works out well for you.

Prayers.

DRS.

Ps What was that post from " H " that you printed off?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by DesertReStart:
<strong>What was that post from " H " that you printed off?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">here's the link:
Diary of a Madman (WS) by "H"

WH came over about 9:30, he seemed very quiet. He went upstairs and was putting alot of his stuff away that he had brought over earlier. I didn't want to pressure him so I just let him be. A little later he came back downstairs, started looking at the newspaper, then he turned the radio down and here's kinda how the conversation went:

WH: I'm just going through a really tough time right now, thats what I really wanted to say.
Me: Is there anything else you would like to say.
WH: No, please be patient.
Me: OK.
WH: I just really need to have a clear head. Do you really think that we can have a good marriage and be happy?
Me: I want to make you happy, and I apologize for my part of the breakdown of our marriage.
WH: (didn't say anything, just gave me a big hug).

We left a little after that to grab something to eat. While we are eating, we was talking about local sports teams and getting tickets. He said that he wanted to get some season tickets so it would give us something to do together. I then said, "I'll me meeting your recreational companionship need". It was weird, he probably didn't know what I was talking about!! He just said, yea, you are right. I then mentioned that there are 10 top needs in marriages and how marriages can break down because the spouse is not meeting the other spouses top needs. He looked interested in the conversation, I didn't want to push or educate him, so I kind of made a joke out of it. and said "This author says we need to meet our partners needs, and men's top one is usually SF, (we didn't have a problem, there), then WH told me that wasn't his top one, his is sports outings. (Which reflects the recreatonal companionship!).

We got home from eating, and he jumped on the computer because he wanted to check out different ticket packages. He told me to call and get more information, etc.

Anyway, I had printed out the "Madmans Diary" post (link above), the acronyms list, Harleys infidelity articles, emotional needs questionaire, and stuck them inside SAA. I had that book lying around. WH saw it and says "Is that the book that you were telling me about?" I said yes. (I also had His needs, her needs with it). I mentioned to him that they have helped me alot, and maybe he could get some insight as well. He was pulling out the different printouts that I had there, asked me what they were, I told him. So , I didn't push the books on him. A long time ago, in the past, he would have said "I don't need a da** book". He took them, I didn't even ask him, but just had them "conveniently" laying around.

He then left, golf outing with the guys, gave me a good hug, a "real" kiss.

I did not want to bring up any harsh boundaries yet, I wanted him to to hopefully read the books and understand why these boundaries have to be in place. Also, he is in withdrawal, and from Madman's post, I need to be loving and not pushy.

I am going to try to take things slow, yes, boundaries will be set, but I did not want to do too much too soon and cause a huge LB.

<small>[ August 17, 2002, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: going_crazy ]</small>

Hey, that sounds pretty decent!

In a lot of ways, your situation reminds me a bit of a woman - "iffer" I think - who posts on the Divorce Busting forums... Her H slowly made his way back, much as it sounds yours is!

(It's kinda like catching a monkey, no? Slowly... Patiently...) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by J.R.:
<strong>(It's kinda like catching a monkey, no? Slowly... Patiently...) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">sometimes I think its more like a fish, you reel them in, then the stupid line breaks!!

Feeling that way a little bit myself today.

Thanks you for your input. Looks like you've got quite a drama yourself. Probably beyond mine.

Thank you,

Hoping

So glad he is trying for you, just got in a bit ago and have already argued with ws about kids and ows.... wow, fun. I need to let it lie... I want the truth and it is not coming out of his mouth.

I am so very tired of all of this mess, as I know you are... I am really hoping you are heading for recovery. May be- you can take up golf, if you haven't already?

Hugs, HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Honey:
<strong>May be- you can take up golf, if you haven't already?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">welcome back!! I took golf lessons about 3 years ago, I was doing ok at first then for some reason couldn't hold the club right and was actually hurting when I swung, improved towards the end. WH even took me out on a 9hole then but I whined because it hurt. So I am thinking about taking classes again. I know WH doesn't have the patience to teach me, especially after the one and only time he took me!!

GC, sounds like things went fairly well, I am happy for you, take is slow, you are right about the boundries, don't set them until he is wanting to come home, sounds like he still needs more time to figure things out. Of course, you still may need some boundries in your day to day, but none of the major boundries as far as a return. When he wants to return, they you set the conditions for a return.. Keep up the good work.
Dave

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by davepr:
<strong>you are right about the boundries, don't set them until he is wanting to come home</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">thanks, I had a feeling that if I brought them up too soon, it would look pushy, I wanted to wait until his state of mind is alot less fragile.

I am glad that we talked today instead of yesterday, it gave me time to read the Diary of a Madman's post!

WH did tell me that he had a hard week but is starting to feel a little better. I wanted to tell him he is in withdrawal, but he would not understand what I was saying and could be seen as an LB. Thanks goodness he likes to read, I hope he reads these soon. IF we choose recovery, we gotta do it the Harley way!

I hope God gives him the strength to get through the withdraws and work on his marriage. The Harleys say the clock resets to zero anytime there is any contact with OP, so hopefully he can go several weeks without any contact and become stonger. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Dave

Hi Goingcrazy:

I've been following your thread for a while now and wanted to say that I feel your WH is being as honest with you as the situation will allow...he's not trying to gloss everything over...his turmoil is apparent...and you are doing so great....accepting that he will be in withdrawal for some period of time and not trying to rush him...and I know this is hard.

I'm a firm believer that recovery from infidelity is an evolutionary process...slow, painstaking and filled with unexpected spurts and stops...and by our reactions we limit or halter our own recovery from same. But of course you are doing fine...just keep up the good work...and don't let the ups and downs discourage you.

Go girl <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

GC, I think you did great! and I think you are exactly right in waiting for him to say he wants to come home before you talk about what he has to do for that.

Good for you! You did great!

I hope you are having a great sunday, on my way to church right now with os, ys with dad.... be glad you dont have the turmoil of draggging kids through this mud. I am so glad things are on the up and up for you... I know they are going to get better and better. DOnt push, as hard as it may be not to. Hugs, H

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'm so happy that everything went well.

I can imagine that you H was just as afraid as you were. He is telling you that he has made a BIG mistake, just not speaking out the words. Be prowd of him because many don't ge to this point. Show and tell him that you can understand him. Make sure to let him know that you admire him for the strength that he is bringing up and that you are prowd of him.

Don't misunderstand me. Don't crawl. Just give him these feelings and any others he will really need in order to think positively about you and get over the withdrawel. I'm sure that the last time he saw OW it probably wasn't very positive and dreamy.
You can do this now, just that you are educated and you know about the EN'S. OW doesn't. Take advantage and go for it!!!!!!!!!GO!GO!GO! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You are fantastic and let him know this.
He is going to be the happiest man on earth and when his mind is "clear" you will have the best H on earth.

Do you have the possibility to get away for 2 or 3 days??? This is what we did right after D-D. This brought back alot of connection.

take good care of yourself

BB
I'm sooooooo happy for you!!!!!!I've actually got tears in my eyes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You did an awesome job!! You should be very proud of yourself! As others have said, remember to take it slow and set boundaries. Also, keep in mind that this is a roller coaster ride and be cautious on the ride up. Be prepared for the possibility of crashing ride down! I have been there and know how horrible the ride down can be. It is hard to keep a balance of keeping yourself open and protecting yourself at the same time. But you can do it!!
It is such a positive sign that he took the books! I am so happy for you! Keep us posted!
BH