Good Mimi. Write your letter, and if you are unsure about it, put it on here so everyone can vet it.

Then go DARK! And do not back down. No contact for any reason. You have a small window of opportunity here. Time for him to get real uncomfortable.

And if he doesnt come around, you will have at least cut off your fix of him, and the pain that it causes, and are better able to move forward with your life.

Get moving. Do not be angry in your letter, just matter of fact. Leave him alone in his mess. You are doing great!

In His arms

I'm working on my letter as MM suggested.

I think it would be helpful to also get your perspective, Cerri.

In fact anyone's help would be appreciated.

I'm thinking that I am not doing a strict enough
PLAN B.

I'm continuing to feel strong in my conviction to be free of this crap. I just keep wondering if I'm doing the right thing.

Please, please, please tell me that you don't need me to read all 19 pages here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Plan B is to protect you. It's no contact. There's no such thing as a modified Plan B or a partial Plan B.

Did you send a PBL when you decided to go this route? What did it say? Do you have a copy? Can I see it?

What have you done since then? What is it you want to do differently now?

What can I help with?

C

Ok, I stopped panicking over the 19 pages and read the last few posts.

So you're in Plan B, and moving on and doing things with your life... like hiring contractors to work on the house. That's cool.

I dunno if I would divide up retirement $ or sell the house just yet though. It seems to be contradictory to the idea of waiting out the A and being open to reconciling when it ends.

How long have you been in Plan B? How long in Plan A before that?

Ok, sorry.... feel like I'm coming in in the middle of a movie. Fill me in on the basics... briefly.

C

Cerri:

Your viewpoint about the retirement funds, selling house,etc. seems a bit different than Mortarman's. I feel like I need to get out of this house as it holds too many memories. WS has bought a condo and left all of his clothes here. He has tried to start over I guess. I guess I want to do that too. I don't see us ever living here together. Maybe some place else or in my new place. Certainly not in his condo where he is romancing the OW.

My WS is the ultimate in cake-eating. He wants the both of us. However, he gives me the crumbs and gives her the buffet.

I've been trying to do a strict Plan B since June 1st and really have not laid eyes on my WS for 6 weeks.

D-Day was 12/02. He stayed home until Feb. and pretended that he was trying to come back home from Feb. to April; I was the OW while he claimed that he was trying to get away from her. In April, he came home for 3 weeks during a false reconciliation. Legal separation on 5/01.

He would do the above scenario again if I would allow it with me being on the side, enabling the A. I tend to micromanage and plan his life. With her, he just wants to have fun. He still continues to try to get me to do things like pay all the bills although we are separated.

He panicked today when I proceeded with plans to sell the house. I have made it clear that that does not mean that I would not reconcile if he would do NC.

That's sort of the gist of it. Plan A for about 4 months. Plan B- 1 month.

I have been trying to write him a letter as suggested by Mortarman. I haven't really decided what to say.

Cerri:

Your viewpoint about the retirement funds, selling house,etc. seems a bit different than Mortarman's. I feel like I need to get out of this house as it holds too many memories. WS has bought a condo and left all of his clothes here. He has tried to start over I guess. I guess I want to do that too. I don't see us ever living here together. Maybe some place else or in my new place. Certainly not in his condo where he is romancing the OW.

My WS is the ultimate in cake-eating. He wants the both of us. However, he gives me the crumbs and gives her the buffet.

I've been trying to do a strict Plan B since June 1st and really have not laid eyes on my WS for 6 weeks.

D-Day was 12/02. He stayed home until Feb. and pretended that he was trying to come back home from Feb. to April; I was the OW while he claimed that he was trying to get away from her. In April, he came home for 3 weeks during a false reconciliation. Legal separation on 5/01.

He would do the above scenario again if I would allow it with me being on the side, enabling the A. I tend to micromanage and plan his life. With her, he just wants to have fun. He still continues to try to get me to do things like pay all the bills although we are separated.

He panicked today when I proceeded with plans to sell the house. I have made it clear that that does not mean that I would not reconcile if he would do NC.

That's sort of the gist of it. Plan A for about 4 months. Plan B- 1 month.

I have been trying to write him a letter as suggested by Mortarman. I haven't really decided what to say.

MORTARMAN:

I'm getting nervous. Am I going too far by asking to split the retirement funds? I'm starting to back down from the resolve I had. It's the phone conversations with him, right? He got to me by sounding like he was concerned and cared and that I was hurting his feelings. YUK!!

<small>[ June 30, 2003, 10:05 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Mimi,

The only reason I suggested the selling of the house, etc is because you previously stated that you wanted to be rid of the house. I did too in my situation. And now, my wife has moved into the townhouse I started renting...and we are working toward buying our new house early next year.

Cerri is right. There is a fine line between Plan B and Plan D. You want out of the house, no matter whether he comes back or not...right? So, go forward with the house. You need the money from your savings in order to do this. Well, if it makes financial sense, then do so. Make decisions that are best for you FIRST, and then also factor in what these decisions will do IF he comes back.

Now, in Plan B, these actions by you are done in the best interests of YOU, while still maintaining that scenario that if he meets your prerequisites for reconciliation, then you are still open to it. When you go to Plan D, then these actions are meant to sever all ties and move on with your life. Do you see the difference.

If you can see the difference, then that is great. Then you can balance what is best for you, with maintaining Plan B and a possible future with your WH.

But guess what? He wont know the difference. He'll hear that you still want to talk reconciliation, if he will get rid of OW for good. But then he will see you selling the house, getting some of the assets, no contact with him. He will have to bounce this around inside his head. What is she doing? And the answers he gets, he WILL NOT LIKE!

Plan B is NOT about forcing your husband to do anything. It is about you. It is about taking control of your life, and lessening the pain. About saving what is left of the love of your husband for that day where he may come back. As the Harleys state, in the end of Plan B, you should be out of love with your husband, thus making the divorce a lot easier.

It is also about leaving your husband to his own choices. It isnt punishment. He made the choice to be with the OW. Now, he must live with that. Now he must accept a world without Mimi in it.

The point to Plan B is to protect you, and at the same time, put your husband into the situation he has created. And then, you sit back and see what happens to him. Most end up realizing the truth in time...and come home.

I pray your husband will be like the majority.

In His arms.

Mimi .... "I was hurting his feelings" .... >gag<

Do what you need to do to move on.

I totally agree with MM's advice.

Your WH needs to experience a total eclipse of the Mimi. GO DARK AND STAY DARK .... anything less is inviting a thousand cuts to your heart.

Your WH is on the fence. Time for Mimi to get off HER fence! Commit to B if that's where you are.

Love, Pep

I'm pretty sure that I get what you are saying MM and PEP. Do what I need to do for me in PLAN B whether it's selling the house, getting assets or whatever. At the same time, make choices that leave the door open for reconciliation if he chooses by going along with the conditions.

Do you think I need to write him the letter? I'm thinking I should just stay dark and let him contact me if he wants to know any particulars. I will focus on getting my house repaired, continuing with the plan of putting it on the market. I don't really need the money until the house is sold and I'm going to purchase a new one. The problem is his avoidance of signing the paperwork for the realtor. I think I might be able to get around this somehow by use of some stipulations in my separation agreement which state that I can sell the house.

Also, help me understand better how you so clearly see him as being ON THE FENCE. What do you mean by this exactly? Are you referring to him not wanting to let go of me while holding on to her? How about him trying to play the husband by being concerned about the contractor I chose? Isn't that bizarre???? He acted as if I should have checked with him first. Should I have gone over to the condo this weekend and asked him about this? I certainly could not have left him a Voice Mail message to question his opinion.

Thanks so much-all of you.

<small>[ July 01, 2003, 12:02 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Mimi,

I think the letter (PBL) will work well. Have you already sent one before? what did it say if you did? It is kind of like official notification to your husband that cake eating / fence sitting time is over.

Now, to a few of your questions...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Also, help me understand better how you so clearly see him as being ON THE FENCE. What do you mean by this exactly? Are you referring to him not wanting to let go of me while holding on to her? How about him trying to play the husband by being concerned about the contractor I chose? Isn't that bizarre???? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are exactly right. Plus more. Take a timeout and go back and read your previous posts. Your husband is cake eating / fence sitting, EVEN WHILE YOU HAVE SUPPOSEDLY BEEN ON PLAN B!! Plan B is NO CONTACT. Okay, you havent seen him in 6 weeks. But you have talked to him. DO NOT DO THIS! Make the next conversation you have either the day the OW is gone and he leaves the message that he is seeking reconciliation OR the day the two of you meet in court to finalize the divorce. Going dark means go completely dark. He has the OW...and with the continued contact and questions that you answer, he knows he still has you. Classic cake eater! He is concerned by your actions, and then seeks you to reassure him that you are still there. Stop this. Write the PBL, send it...then let him wonder what is happening.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He acted as if I should have checked with him first.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course he did...the man LOVES cake while sitting on his picket fence.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Should I have gone over to the condo this weekend and asked him about this? I certainly could not have left him a Voice Mail message to question his opinion.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, no, no, nope...stop this. No talks, no messages, no voicemail. Third party access ONLY!Send him emails or letters. Have a mutual friend, or your attorney, contact him concerning these issues. This is why you must do a good PBL before going into Plan B. That way, he knows the rules, he knows what you are doing. And then you start getting on with your life. And he is STUCK in his. And he begins to worry that what you said in your PBL might be just you beginning to leave him behind. He becomes worried and panics. But you arent there to comfort him. And OW DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR IT! He is left alone in the fog...and now it is dark in the fog. A very scary place indeed.

Write the letter, go dark. And then wait. I am still betting that he is going to break sooner than we think.

In His arms.

Mimi...

Unless you've written a letter, or stated explicitly the things below you aren't really in Plan B. Plan B requires that certain things be said up front. Otherwise it's more like withdrawal. I'm sure you said some or all of these things during the course of the sep, but a letter is optimal because it sets it all out in a way that is clear and concise and can't be denied or argued later. It can be looked at and reread as time goes on.

You need to decide if you are in save the marriage mode, or take care of you mode..... they're not mutually exclusive but you will behave differently depending on which way you're thinking.

MM and I differ on some things because I am very much hardline by the book Willard Harley. He's brilliant and his stuff works. Not all the time, nothing does, but more often and with better results than anyone else's methodology that I've seen to date. And because that's my training and I mentor for the weekend program, I use it almost exclusively.

Having said that, I probably don't know enough about your background history. If you have a legal separation then maybe you do want to sell the house, I agree that you won't want to live there together again. But if you sell it you remove one more connection that he has to you.... you give the appearance and send out the energy of moving on, rather than of taking care of yourself until the A ends. Ditto with the retirement funds. It looks like you're done. You're disassembling the remaining shell of the marriage.

Things that need to be in a PBL

• I love you.
• I married you for life. I want to stay married to you
• I am willing to do what it takes to be the spouse you've always wanted and to address the things I did wrong in the marriage.
• The affair/neglect/abuse is so painful for me that it will destroy the love I have for you. In order to protect those feelings I must end all contact with you.
• As soon as the affair/neglect/abuse is over I would love to talk with you about our future.
• Until that time please respect my wish for no contact whatsoever
• In an emergency you can reach me through______.
• Arrangements for seeing children and handling finances are_____.

C

MM..... have you heard from MarathonMan? I haven't seen him around in quite a while and was following his story pretty closely.

Mimi

Not much to add that the others haven't said already. I just wanted to add my support.

Your H is cake-eating. You are in Plan B. That means doing things for you - and to protect you. That probably means in your case doing things like selling the house and splitting the retirement funds. If you reconcile - your goal - these things will not be major obstacles. I know that you have reached these decisions after careful thought and are doing them for the right reasons. I agree with MM's take on your husbands behaviour. I also would agree with what Cerri says about the plan B letter.

Good luck and keep us posted.

S.

Hi Mimi.
Sorry I haven't been posting for a while. Actually I have been checking your thread but haven't had too much to say. Others have said it for me, and you have been doing a great job.

I do have a POV now though.

I think your reaction in your phone call was overall good, but I think when you say "When you can assure me of NC and I feel that I can believe you, I will CONSIDER talking to you about US" it would be good to hold out a little more hope to him. I think you should possibly amp things up a bit- "Even though our marriage has taken a terrible blow, I believe with hard work from both of us we have something precious, something worth saving." Throw in stuff about your history together, the kids etc. Make sure the hope isn't dead. He has to know there is something there for him if he leaves OW and that you will support him through that. It is a fine line to tread though- you won't wait forever.

I think overall though, everything you said was excellent. Other good little sentences to throw in. "I see now that you are happy with OW, regretfully I must try now to find my own happiness. This is extremely painful for me, but I don't want to interfere with you finding your dream". Tell him your heart is breaking, you need to move on because it is too painful.

Another tactic- when he tries to get friendly with you, you say, "this isn't fair to OW. I'm sure she would be furious that you are chatting with me".

Move as fast or as slow as you want Mimi. Each of these steps is a process. Each step moves you closer to divorce. My feeling is, go a little dark on him this week and do nothing. Let him wonder. Don't contact him about the retirement. Let him stew in what you are doing.

When he tells you to call him to discuss whatever, I think that is about him wanting some contact with you. Don't get angry about it- it is a normal tactic from him. You can either have the conversation ON YOUR TERMS or respond to him by e-mail. But whatever you do, don't get angry at him about it.

I think when he shuts off his voicemail it is his attempt to seize control back. I think he is shocked that you are standing on your own two feet, handling things on your own, and taking care of yourself. Maybe he thinks shutting it down will freak you out, make you feel you are losing the shred of him that you do have.

The only thing that I wish is that there was a friend that could talk with him. Although MB tells people not to try to "educate" their WS, I did and it was very helpful. When you explain some of the feelings that "infidels" experience, sometimes it does ring a bell. It's important for them to understand about withdrawal as well. Did you have a chance to talk about any of that with your WS? the only thing I do counsel is don't get him involved in the MB BB. I think this is a support system for people who are dealing with a very traumatic situation. It is not a good place for your WS to get involved with reading your thoughts and tactics.

Keep working on yourself and you are absolutely right- you deserve more than being in a horrible crazy triangle. Your WS may or may not wake up in time, but you don't deserve this terrible treatment.

I will try to write more later.

First of all...Cerri...No, I havent heard from Marathonman in awhile. I will post a thread in a minute, seeking him out. I was just thinking about him last night and the fact that he hasnt been on here in awhile.

Mimi & Cerri,

I think Cerri and I are saying mostly the same things. I also love the harley approach (it worked for me!). I think in my posts, that if there is any impression that I am advising you to go against these principles, then I would love to clarify.

Cerri is right. You must decide if you are in save the marriage mode or protect Mimi mode. Like she said, depending on which mode you are in, you will act different. Of course, you are always trying to save the marriage AND protect yourself. But depending on which mode is dominant, will decide how you act and react.

If you are going to truly be in Plan B, then write the letter. Do as Cerri stated...spell it out like she said. And then go dark. NO MORE CONTACT UNTIL THE AFFAIR IS OVER AND HE IS READY TO HAVE AN AGREMMENT TOWARD RECONCILIATION (READ UP ON THIS SITE ON THAT PHASE, IF YOU ALREADY HAVENT).

On the house and retirement funds, I also agree with Cerri that it is preferable to keep these in order to have that connection with your husband. But, as I have followed your posts, I have seen that you have wanted to move out of that house, and to do so you will need those funds. What to do? Again, if you can wait a little while to let your Plan B letter settle in, and Plan B settle in, then it will be less of a shock to your WH and he wont think that you are shutting the marriage down. But, for good, sound financial reasons, you must do this, then spell it out to him in your letter or an email. Make sure that he understands your reasoning...that it is not about ending the marriage, but about doing things that make financial sense.

But, no matter which way you go, once that PBL is sent...stay away. No phonecalls, no voicemails, no emails, no letters. Everything is third party, as spelled out in your PBL. He must get NOTHING in the way of ENs met by you. NONE! This is what I mean by going dark.

I hope this adequately explains where I was coming from, and that I think Cerri and I are actually in agreement here. Make your decision on Plan B. Then if you are going to do it...do it right. Then make decisions about your future that are in the best interests of Mimi.

In His arms.

I need to work on another PBL.

My WS' response yesterday left me confused about what MODE I am in. I was set on focusing on taking care of myself and moving on. Then, I heard that "I'm confused, I still care about you" tone in his voice. I guess that's one reason why I don't need to talk to him. Going to see houses yesterday lost the thrill and power that it had over the weekend. I saw some really nice houses, too. I started to question whether I am doing the right thing. Not the idea of moving to a new house. I was wondering whether or not I should let him see them. I know, bizarre. I started thinking WE again. It's a hard habit to break!!

So I'm now confused about the mode. I'm in both. I want to save the marriage, if possible and I want to take care of myself. Saving the marriage is up to my WS. I have no control over that so I have to focus on myself, right.

I believe that I can maintain NC. I can write the letter. I will need to explain to him that selling the house is not meant to disconnect from him. Really, in our case, the house has really bad memories. We are more likely to reconcile if that house is out of the picture. We had lots of arguments when we were building it. I don't think my WS ever really liked the house or felt comfortable there because of that bad experience. I am unhappy there too and would be a better person in a different place where he could even come to visit if he ever does NC.

Help me out of some of this confusion today before I write that letter. What does it sound like is going on with me? Am I being fooled by what sounds like a crack in my WS? Everything certainly isn't rosy with the OW is it?

Mimi,

This is all natural. Go back to my posts back in November, December and January. I started my Plan B about 4 times, only to finally put it on right starting in mid December. It took another 6 weeks before my wife initially started cracking. And then another two months before she was home.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Help me out of some of this confusion today before I write that letter. What does it sound like is going on with me?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are naturally reacting to your emotions in a stressful situation. Read, read, read. Pray. trust in His word. Trust in what you have read here, in the statistics on how these things go down. Understand that there are a lot better odds that a true Plan B will have your husband home, than it is that Plan B will force him away forever. It is time to trust yourself, trust God...and trust your plan. if you do not trust these, you will not be able to executethe plan. And you will fail. And the pain will continue. What you are feeling is natural. But you are going to have to override those feelings with what you KNOW for awhile.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Am I being fooled by what sounds like a crack in my WS?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe. But you wont know for sure until you go to a full Plan B. Your husband wants his cake. He says things like he is unsure right now because he doesnt want to make a decision...doesnt want to lose you or the OW. But a wife and an OW are oil and water...they do not mix. Dr. Harley states that when the WS starts getting confused on what to do and is thinking about which person to go with, THAT is the time to go to Plan B. Get Mimi completely out of the picture. Let OW meet ALL of his needs. Let them LB each other to death. You have read all this Mimi. Trust this, even though your emotions have caused you to be frightened. Use your head. Your emotions will follow.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Everything certainly isn't rosy with the OW is it?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course not!! You KNOW this to be true...otherwise he wouldnt be giving you the time of day. The more you back away, the more she will have to fulfill his needs. AND SHE WILL FAIL! Remember, over 90% of all of these types of relationships FAIL! Whether or not he comes home, you can count on the fact that in the end, she will not have him. Now, you have pretty good odds (over 50%) that he will come around, if you do what you are supposed to do. So which one do you want? 50% chance of having your husband OR 3% chance of having your husband? The OW is fighting a losing battle. You are not!

In His arms.

Mimi, I don't know all your situation as to his income, pensions, retirement funds, etc.
But here in CA, having been married long time, I'm entitled to half everything he gets! First off, I would have to file what is called a QDRO or he would be ordered to, which would yank half all funds out of his retirment fund giving me cash. Then I'm entitled to half all his income as well if we divorced. Alimony for life even if I remarried!
Yes, if it comes to divorce, you get what you are entitled to! Including any retirement funds and pensions! You earned it in pain as well as years dedicated to him.
Take off the kid gloves if it comes down to it.
As to hurting his feelings? ROFLMBO
What does he think he's done to you?
Ripped part of your heart out is what!
His feelings are the last thing to consider now. In My opinion!
LouLou

Mimi, I don't know all your situation as to his income, pensions, retirement funds, etc.
But here in CA, having been married long time, I'm entitled to half everything he gets! First off, I would have to file what is called a QDRO or he would be ordered to, which would yank half all funds out of his retirment fund giving me cash. Then I'm entitled to half all his income as well if we divorced. Alimony for life even if I remarried!
Not quite. Also remember it goes both ways. If the wife worked and has pension/retirement, he gets half of that.

The amount awarded and for how long is determined in a number of ways.
Whether a spouse has worked or is working, has any current/past skills, can be re/trained, etc.
Just because you were married and are female, does not mean you get half of everything he earned or will earn.

Question: Why is my WS considered ON THE FENCE given that he seems to have chosen to be with the OW. Or do you think it's just her turn now in his backwards and forwards game that he is playing. He still has not made arrangemnets to get his furniture.

Given the plans for definitely no more contact, I was thinking of telling him that he can get the furniture when the house sells. He's going to say that he needs to talk to me about that and to come to the house to get it.

Hi MM, and Mimi

MM: First of all...Cerri...No, I havent heard from Marathonman in awhile. I will post a thread in a minute, seeking him out. I was just thinking about him last night and the fact that he hasnt been on here in awhile.

I'd been kinda watching for the last couple of weeks or more and realized that he just dropped off the radar. I know he was having a tough time with it all and that the concepts didn't seem to be making a dent. I know he really trusted you and that you were helping to at least keep him from panicking entirely.

MM: And then go dark. NO MORE CONTACT UNTIL THE AFFAIR IS OVER AND HE IS READY TO HAVE AN AGREMMENT TOWARD RECONCILIATION (READ UP ON THIS SITE ON THAT PHASE, IF YOU ALREADY HAVENT).

YES!!!!!!! Plan B has to be a line in the sand that doesn't get crossed. Once you cave in and waffle you send the message that you don't really respect yourself, your pain and your needs enough to insist that the WS do the same. And if you don't respect those things, then why should he? When you break contact or let him take little bits and pieces from you, you send a powerful message that you will allow the triangle to continue. Heck, wouldn't we all take it if we could?

MM: But, no matter which way you go, once that PBL is sent...stay away. No phonecalls, no voicemails, no emails, no letters. Everything is third party, as spelled out in your PBL. He must get NOTHING in the way of ENs met by you. NONE! This is what I mean by going dark.

Once again.... YES!!!!!!!!

MM: Make your decision on Plan B. Then if you are going to do it...do it right. Then make decisions about your future that are in the best interests of Mimi.

See, my view is that saving the marriage is always in the best interests of the parties involved. Divorce has long reaching effects on adults too. The rates of depression, alcoholism, suicide, and mental health issues are significantly increased for people who have been through a divorce.

Now, I'm not in any way advocating staying in marriage that is miserable. (Although there are studies that show couples who are unhappy but who stick it out for 5 years are much happier than those who divorce.) But rather that you (you meaning "anyone"... not "you" specifically <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) proactively and with some urgency take the steps that Harley outlines. And that you set aside instincts and emotions and act on an intellectual plan.... even when those instincts and emotions are screaming for you to do otherwise.

So Plan A.... as in, meet needs as best you can, avoid LBers (bona fide LBers, not just the idea of upsetting your spouse), confront about the A, expose it to the scrutiny of others. Six months tops for men and three for women.

Then when you're at the top of you Plan A game.... when you're cookin'... doin' a good job at all of that.... pull out. Go to Plan B. Protect what's left in your LBank and be ready to hunker down for the long haul.

Otherwise.... and you have no idea how often I see this, particularly with women.... the day will come when the A ends and you won't want to see his shadow darkening your door. You must protect your love bank and the feelings you have left for your spouse if there is to be any hope of reconciliation at a later date. Doing Plan A too long is just as harmful to the hope of restoration of the M as are rampant love busters.

C