How do I respond to this? Keep in mind that I have not done anything today.

Voicemail Message from WS: "My name, I got word from a Mortgage Broker that somebody wants to buy the house. I don't know how they heard about the house being for sale. We haven't signed a contract or anything. They want to do it without a realtor. Call me,I need to hear from you first. Thanks"

This is a scheme. My WS wants control. He does not want to use my realtor and does not want me to be in charge of selling the house. There is no way anybody could know that I was thinking about selling my house unless he told them. I know the Mortgage Broker he is talking about. It is somebody that he knows and probably called. I am committed to my realtor. She is a friend of mine. He is trying to get out of signing the paperwork, wants to be in control and wants me to call him back.

I am pissed. Again, he wants to make it look like he is being helpful to me by saving on the commission fees but he is not. The house is not even ready to be shown yet.

<small>[ July 01, 2003, 04:06 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

I've decided to tell him that I am committed to my realtor. Should I E-Mail him or wait to write it in the PBL? The problem will be his unwillingness to sign the paperwork regarding selling the house but I might be able to get around that by consulting with the lawyer.

Also this is about him to trying to make me LB to convince himself that he does not need to be with me. He has control issues with me. OW supposedly does everything that he wants her to do. Well, I don't choose to be like that in order to stay in the marriage. We're not together so do not need to work on POJA right now.

You guys are all right. Time for a strict PLAN B.

<small>[ July 01, 2003, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

I've decided to tell him that I am committed to my realtor. Should I E-Mail him or wait to write it in the PBL? The problem will be his unwillingness to sign the paperwork regarding selling the house but I might be able to get around that by consulting with the lawyer.

Also this is about him to trying to make me LB to convince himself that he does not need to be with me. He has control issues with me. OW supposedly does everything that he wants her to do. Well, I don't choose to be like that in order to stay in the marriage. We're not together so do not need to work on POJA right now.

You guys are all right. Time for a strict PLAN B.

I ended up E-Mailing him that I am committed to my realtor and will write the PLAN B letter ASAP.

Lightbulb just came on in my head!

WS is concerned about his A becoming public knowledge.

Once our house goes on the market, EVERYBODY that knows us will be utterly surprised. They will be asking "Why in the world did **** and**** put their dreamhouse (which we custom-built) on the market?" When they ask me, I will tell them why. When they ask him, well... He does not want anybody to know that he has left me. Now it has to come out, including to my friend the realtor who he does not want to face.

OUT INTO THE LIGHT!

<small>[ July 01, 2003, 04:09 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sounds like a plan.

Mimi -
You crack me up. If anyone is a Plan B failure, it's me. I'm in it longer than you or learnin. A dubious honor anyway. How are you doing tonight?
Lablady

<small>[ July 01, 2003, 06:12 PM: Message edited by: lablady ]</small>

I wrote and delivered the PLAN B letter last night into his office door.

I feel calm and relieved today. I feel like I'm back on the right track FOR MYSELF.

I'm trying to arrange to put the house on the market without his signature. I may have to get my lawyer involved. YUK!!! I'll do what I need to do.

The PBL seemed too personal for me to post here just in case someone could identify me from what I was saying. I did indicate that selling the house should not be viewed as indicating a desire to end the marriage.

Hey Mimi,
Glad to hear you're back in the saddle. I'm taking off for the long weekend and looking forward to a change of scenery!
It will be somewhat emotional, going on this trip for the first time without WH.
(I had this urge to call WH and say, snap out of it, I know you want to come, let's just stop this madness)
Crazy huh?
But me and the kids are looking forward to it, I'll deal with all my financial woes when I get back.
I'll check in when I get back.
Hang in there.

News Flash!

Went to realtor's office today to take copy of Separation Agreement to show stipulation that I can choose the realtor. This was in response to WS' refusal to sign papers to put the house on the market.

Guess who's car was in the parking lot? I got out of there so fast you probably could see my wheels spinning.

I haven't called the realtor back nor has she called me. I guess he needed to know that selling the house doesn't mean the end. Who knows? I just hope he signed the papers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mimi,

Good for you!! Here you go...this ride is about to come to an end, one way or another.

Ride this out. As you said, he is playing games. He thinks he has power over you. He is now getting the point, through your actions, and written out in your PBL that you will not allow his inappropriate behavior to continue.

He is scrambling around, trying to find a way to keep the status quo. HE WILL TRY TO CONTACT YOU SHORTLY! He may even come with some half baked story of how he has been thinking of what you wrote, and he wants to have some time to work through this. Blah, blah, blah. More WS fogese! Do not fall for it. Hopefully, you put in your PBL that the conditions of any further contact with you is NC with OW, and a commitment to put together a plan for reconciliation. As well as in that plan, the agreement that you two will seek counseling.

If that was in there, he will know the way out. He will try every other way possible. If you stay dark, he WILL fail! And then it will be decision time for him. Do as you asked in the PBL, or forever know that he has lost you and move on with his new life. A very painful time indeed!

How long will all of this take? Who knows. From the moment that my wife was put into Plan B for good, until she knocked on my door wanting to discuss how we could move forward was 6 weeks. it took another 2 months for us to go to counseling, to be together and talk, before we finally moved her home. But I did not back down on Plan B. Not until there was NC between OM and her and she was ready for us to go to counseling.

Mimi, this will be tough at first. You will have withdrawals from your husband. He will try to trick you into going back to the status quo. Every part of you will want to believe him when he says he is "trying to get back." DO NOT BELIEVE IT! Plan B has been started and Plan B it is. As Cerri said, you have drawn the line in the sand. If you bck down, you WILL fail!

The good thing about this is now, you know your life is going to move forward. Statistics say, it will also be with your husband. But even if it isnt, this phase of your life ended when you delivered that letter. Do not go back to that phase. Start moving forward.

Somehow, I still believe that your WH will catch up to you.

In His arms.

<small>[ July 02, 2003, 05:32 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

What MM said..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hang in there Mimi..... this is the right thing to do.

C

Today is now officially known as "MIMI ** DAY"

~~~~ celebrations are in order ~~~~

YOU are about to realize your authentic self!

Get ready for an amazing transformation!

Your marriage partner (should he decide to smartly return to you) will find himself married to a new and improved Mimi who knows her sh*t! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

I appreciate YOU GUYS so much.

I was so pumped up yesterday before I wrote that letter. Plus, WS had really pissed me off.

I felt so cleansed after writing the letter. I feel like I said everything I needed to say. How much I love him...he's my husband for life...what I've done to work on things...I've done everything I can do to save the marriage... it's in his hands and God's hands...no longer wanting to be a part of their sinful triangle...excited by creating my own happiness...

Then today. I feel so VICTORIOUS. That was really new for me to stand up to him and insist on my realtor and then for him to back down and go sign the papers!!!

I really am thinking that this was a process I had to go through. I think the withdrawal might be over. I'm back to being able to envision myself without him for the first time. There's so many steps that he has to take to convince me that he's finished with her. When you think of it, he left me three times to go to her. It's supposed to be three strikes and you are out.

I know that I will have my lows but this really has taken me again to another level, a place where I have never been before in this process. I feel powerful and in control.

IT'S MIMI DAY although MIMI is not my real name <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

If he signed separation agreement stating you can choose realtor, he cannot stop you now!
He can refuse to sigh sales contract though, unless you push him legally!
I would have thought he'd try to stop you selling. Perhaps his trying to put with mortgage broker was so he could tell them dont' sell it. Just act like you're trying?
Keep moving forward.
LouLou

I continue to feel "calm and collected" today. My house is being painted at this very minute. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lou,

He signed the papers yesterday. The realtor, an old friend, said he evidently could not look her in the face and gave her the referral of the folks he said were interested in the house.

MB Friends:

Please check in and say HELLO even if it seems like I am doing well. Things can change so quickly for us BSes. I check on here for quick fixes of support. I'll be glad to do the same for those of you who also need a cyber-hug!! I don't want to start feeling bad in order to get your attention. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

THANKS!!!

MIMI,

Don't post to too many people, but I have read your thread and want you to know I pray for you. Your situation has touched my heart.

You are doing great, and the right thing I believe. Hang tough. Hope WS comes out of the fog.
Praying that you have recovery.

You are wonderful, strong, and doing a great job in spite of it all. Just want you to know you have my support.

May God Bless you and keep you, have a happy 4th of July!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Love in Chist,
Miss M

MISS M:

Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement.

I'm putting my life in GOD's hands. I'm in HIS ARMS as MM says and feel so secure there.

Mimi,

I have been reading your thread daily but you have been getting good support and knew I couldn't add much more.

Selling one's home while dealing with an A is not something I have a lot of experience in and so leave it to others who do.

I must say that you have been doing well from what I have read. I know you are able to see where you are vs where you are going and this is a positive step.

The gap between you and your WS will widen until you are on the safe road and he is in the A foggy, bumpy, crooked, roller coaster road.

Keep moving forward as you are. You are surviving. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

take care,
L.