You see, you added a new perspective--

The gap will widen....

Why do you think he's not already on the A road?
I haven't been able to understand the perception of him being on the fence. It seems to me that he has chosen her and is highly involved and invested in his life with her.

Mimi,

He is on the A road. He hasn't hit the fence yet. Why? Because he isn't off the fence yet. Ooooh it's confusing making logic in the fog. Like trying to clean your glasses in the rain. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You though know where the clear spaces are in your life. Make more. Move forward. In time, he will see that he "can't see".

L.

Thanks, Orchid:

Your words of encouragement and inspiration were just what I needed today! I hate these days when we all are not working. They can be together all day and I can't keep my mind preoccupied with my job. I'm trying to keep busy around the house.

Onward!

Mimi,

I am in between housework and getting ready for a small family BBQ. A big feat in our area since there are a lot of in-laws!!! LOL!! Today is just our family and it feels good. Gonna see other relatives tomorrow. Later we may go out to the ocean and watch some fireworks.

Keeping busy is real important. Big things little things, when I think back, I am amazed at what I accomplished then. In fact I am a bit disappointed that the drive is harder now. Hm........ it is still too much work and too little play.

The goal is to keep yourself moving and movtivated. It may widen the gap some but in the fog, small changes may not be noticed. The will have to stumble over the bigger changes (ie: you selling the house, etc.). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

For me therapy consisted of posting to others. So support can have a dual benefit.

Gotta go work on the potato/mac salad and jello-cream pie!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

take care,
L.

I'm cleaning up around here in preparation for putting the house on the market.

I am finding card after card of my WS professing his love for me. He has cut out pictures of himself and me and pasted them on the cards and written special love notes. These cards were from only a few years ago. I see how I goofed in not attending to him. I took him for granted. They didn't mean as much to me then. Well, they meant something. I did keep the cards.

I just found one from 1999. That's not too long ago. He has said we haven't been happy for 10 years.

I'm tempted to give them to him OR to send one to the OW. She/they believe that they are soulmates and that he never loved me. I want to show how that's such a lie.

Not OK to do during PLAN B, right???

Might backfire and remind him of what I did wrong.

It hurts, though, to find this stuff.

I know how much he loved me or still does. He never would tell me that he loves her. He would insist that it is not love but an ADDICTION for her.. He says even recently that he "CARES" about me.

Just really needed to share this with YOU GUYS.

Do nothing right?

Mimi,
I found a few of those kinds of cards also. H wasn't much on cards so they were mainly anniversary cards. His few words then said a lot. I am not reading into their meaning because he was very clear in his love for us then.

So I left them in our room, out on the dresser. He eventually saw it.

Love to leave those mental impressions!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

After a sad morning of dwelling in the past, I want to report that I'm pretty sure that I found a house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pray that this one sells quickly and I'm outta here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

MImi- not read your posts before but wanted to vpop in and give you a (((((((hug)))))))))) and tell you i understand. I had to pack up my home when H left me- and move 150 miles back to previous town where h and i had lived. I found photos etc that proved how wrong what he said to me was. If you look at my thread you will see the strange developments there- 21/2 years after he left me!!

Jante

Mimi, great news on the house!

Hi Mimi

Just 'checking in'! Glad to hear about the house. Some good words there from Orchid. You are winning this battle! Keep the spirits up and keep busy.

S.

Mimi...

I too am following you...

remember so much of this is just stopping your participation in their insane games....

That your actions are what define you even while others choose to do this or that...you too have a choice...

In some ways their interpertation of your actions....(is it an LB..does this or that make you responsible for their actions??...)
you must remember to remove yourself from some of that thinking...as long as your actions are coming from that place of protecting yourself and what love you have for h.

remember they will attempt to convince you otherwise....but people with fog for brains...arent demonstrating the best track record right now....

much luck to you
ARK

ARK:

It's good to know that you are there!

TO ALL:

Overall, the weekend was good. I certainly was confirmed of my WS' love for me in the past. That was helpful in reminding me to disregard all his foggish statements that OW is his "soulmate", never loved me, etc. He was making me question my sanity when in reality it's him that is not dealing with a full deck.

I'm moving onward today. I found a house I like and my house in going on the market today.

All of this continues to feel unreal. I never expected that I would be going through these motions of purchasing a house on my own. I've decided to try to enjoy this time alone as MM recommends. I doubt that I spend the rest of my live alone. We'll see!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It must have been meant to be.

He caught me on my cell. It kept ringing and clicking off. I picked it up and it was him. I thought I had seen him earlier on a driveby. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WS: Can we talk?

Me: What do you want to talk about?

WS: It's not going to work out. I've realized that there are major problems in the relationship. I'm working things out.

Me: Call me back when you have finished and are ready to write the No Contact letter then we can talk.

WS: Is the house on the market? ME: Yes WS: Did you find a new house? ME: Yes WS: Is it new construction? Me: Yes WS: Will you qualify? ME: Yes. WS: Where is it?

This is where I drew the line. He was getting too much info. I probably did give him too much.

Me: Call me back when you've met my conditions.

WS: OK

Me: Bye. Click.

He was just checking on his position, right? It was a less than 5 minute conversation. He was wanting me to ask him to get with me. He was sounding good to a s***x-starved person like me. I know I was different to him though. He sounded more in the begging mode. I loved it!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ July 07, 2003, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Mimi-
Interesting phone call! Of course he's checking his position, and it's not with you until he meets your conditions. Good for you!

Just stay off the rollercoaster, OK? You're in Plan B, don't let him get to you. You've come so far, keep up the good work!

Lablady

It didn't get to me. I'm not getting on his rollercoaster. I'm making an offer on the house this evening. It will be my house. I'm driving this car. There's no way I'll take him back easy now. He wants to come live in my NEW HOUSE after going out to play in HIS CONDO. I'm no longer going to be his fool. He will have to stay in that condo a long, long time, I think, even if he wants to get back with me. I can't say come home anymore because there is no home. He will NEVER live with me in this house again. All of this has been by his choice.

Mimi,

Way to go girl !!!!!!!!! You are starting to handle things exactly as you should. Let him WONDER what is going on in your mind. I am very very proud of how quickly you have gotten your self esteem together. Remember confidence,self respect, and dignity..... You are also correct about not letting him come back too easily. Make him work for it. When the WS thinks they may have gone too far is when they want to come back.

Keep movin forward just as you have been. You are on the right track. Hold the line..... He will soon be going throught what you went through if you handle things correctly.

well done Mimi

you are progressing well. Your WH is now hanging on your every move. Keep strong and stick to plan B. I really think that the payoff is around the corner!

S.

<small>[ July 07, 2003, 10:36 PM: Message edited by: Salerio ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

If you hold YOURSELF in high regard, you will accept no trash from anyone.

Mimi will say, "No thank you. I deserve the prime rib not this cheese sandwich."

Mimi orders her emotional nutrition from her desired menu, no sloppy left-overs.

Mimi walks her path with confidence. Her eyes wide open, she side-steps any malodorous brown piles along the way.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A woman to admire. That's YOU!!!!!

Mimi,

Congratulations, I'm glad to see that the roles are shifting. I hope everything works out for you and I look forward to the day that I get the call.
NW

Mimi,
Good for you girl!!!
Way to handle that call!!
It must feel good to have him call you, like you said in "begging" mode!
Just hold your ground and let Plan B work it's magic.
I'm back in the saddle as you say, will not respond if WH calls!
Even though he drew me in on sunday, I'm feeling Ok.
Onward and upwards!